Always buzzing just like...
You know i've never been one for 'regret' or 'wishing i could change the past'.
I consider myself a highly logical person, which sometimes is a huge disadvantage. But it allows me, most of the time, to look at a situation and see the complete logic in it. Regret and the desire to change things is not logical in any respect, so I tend to stray away from those things.
But there is a tiny piece of me, a little corner meadow in my heart, that has regret. That wishes I could go back.
Go back to when I had my chance with him.
I was so stupid and unstable for no reason, a flickering neon sign of emotion, noble gas nonsense.
I fucked it all up. I couldn't handle it.
And then we spent some time apart and I got things under control again. And I found myself happy with life.
And then we started talking again. And I was so completely fine with being just friends.
It made me feel good that I was back to my normal self, that I could just be cool with it.
So why am I not fine with it anymore? What happened?
Now that i'm stable, now that i'm sane. Now that I could handle being with someone. Now it doesn't matter.
Because he doesn't want me anymore,
'stable' or not.
To me that's frustrating, personally frustrating.
That I could be so stupid and dumb and fuck around when I had a chance.
And when I finally grab a hold of myself
the moment is gone.
For a brief moment I thought maybe I had a second chance. It almost felt that way. But I didn't want to do anything that could mess our friendship up. So I kept it inside.
It might have just been in my mind. Real or not, even that 'second chance' seems to have slipped away.
The thought of me, the novelty, has gone away.
Leaving me with just a taste of regret in my mouth.
And until I find something new,
nothing seems to be able to wash it out.
I consider myself a highly logical person, which sometimes is a huge disadvantage. But it allows me, most of the time, to look at a situation and see the complete logic in it. Regret and the desire to change things is not logical in any respect, so I tend to stray away from those things.
But there is a tiny piece of me, a little corner meadow in my heart, that has regret. That wishes I could go back.
Go back to when I had my chance with him.
I was so stupid and unstable for no reason, a flickering neon sign of emotion, noble gas nonsense.
I fucked it all up. I couldn't handle it.
And then we spent some time apart and I got things under control again. And I found myself happy with life.
And then we started talking again. And I was so completely fine with being just friends.
It made me feel good that I was back to my normal self, that I could just be cool with it.
So why am I not fine with it anymore? What happened?
Now that i'm stable, now that i'm sane. Now that I could handle being with someone. Now it doesn't matter.
Because he doesn't want me anymore,
'stable' or not.
To me that's frustrating, personally frustrating.
That I could be so stupid and dumb and fuck around when I had a chance.
And when I finally grab a hold of myself
the moment is gone.
For a brief moment I thought maybe I had a second chance. It almost felt that way. But I didn't want to do anything that could mess our friendship up. So I kept it inside.
It might have just been in my mind. Real or not, even that 'second chance' seems to have slipped away.
The thought of me, the novelty, has gone away.
Leaving me with just a taste of regret in my mouth.
And until I find something new,
nothing seems to be able to wash it out.