I had an anxiety attack and all i got were these ambiguous, metaphoric euphemisms.

Jul 27, 2009 03:05

-It's a lot easier to tell someone how to fly to the moon than it is to build your own rocket ship and fly there yourself
-There is no cure for sanity
-To suffer in silence is a dangerous thing

When i get desperate enough i imagine myself talking to a shrink.

I could never actually see one myself so an imaginary one is the best i can do.

I sometimes wish I was crazy. Crazy people get the privilege of drugs and sympathy.

A sane person must suffer alone.

I am the sanest person i know, and my own mind frightens me sometimes. I wish I could turn it off. All the thoughts.

My head reminds me of that scene from The Fox and the Hound, where the foxes are running from the hunter, and there are bear traps everywhere. They don't know where to step, the hound is gaining on them..they get trapped, now the burrow they are in is surrounded by fire, there's no way out.

Turn it off. I wish i could.

I've realized the only thing that can save me is to tell you.

"I still have leftover feelings for you. I can't make them go away. I'm sorry."

I need so badly to say these words to you.

Because I know once I say it i won't feel so trapped. I can share part of the burden.

That's part of why i fear telling you. Burden.

We talked tonight for the first time in a while. [And by talk of course i mean texted...oh 21st century..]

You were drunk. Very drunk.

And yet the conversation we had was unlike any other. You opened up to me.

"I have a void."

Don't we all?

I concentrated on trying my best to say the words that would help you in some way.

I wanted to say it. I figured, hey, you're drunk, you probably wouldn't even remember in the morning.

But once you told me that you're 'sad every day', i knew i couldn't. My burden has to stay my burden. At least for now.

I can't bring it upon you.

Suffer in silence.

I just hope i have the courage to say it you. Even if the courage i need comes in liquid form, i feel the only way i can help myself, 'get to the moon', is by telling you.

I can't hold it in too much longer. Seven months has been hard enough.

And yeah, no matter what i tell myself, or have told myself, or have told anyone else, i have had leftover feelings for you for seven months, from the time we stopped talking to now.

I can't lie to myself anymore, i can't deny. I know i've said i'm over you, i don't need you, you're not good enough for me, that we are just friends.

Deep down i still have leftover feelings for you.

And they won't go away.

I'm sorry.

I'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell.

and i'm waiting for my rocket to come..

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