So Many Things
This post will be about a few things. My life. My career. My family.
For starters, let me make this note. My public/online persona. I will probably be taking my online posts and locking them away soon. This will stay public until I have the time to do this.
I am a bit in awe of where I am at the moment... of what is in front of me... of what is coming. I have pretty much achieved what I set out to acheive. I'm at that point where it's all or nothing. Like when you play a game, and you're in those final moments before you take on the last event that will conclude the game. All the prep work, the whole journey, the ups, the downs.. it's been leading to this. And you know that this coming event will test everything you have learned and who you are. The possibility of failing is there. It always is. But you are quite sure that your game plan will get you through it. And, you will succeed. You've come too far to fail now.
I'm sure I will have a few friends that will say I have sold out when I tell them what's ahead for me. In a way, I have. But, I have always had a tendency to devote my whole life to my career. This just makes it official.
Now. As for my family.
It took 8 years for my family to realize how wrong they were... and how right I was. Question now is, will I take them back?
I don't think I will. I don't think there's any coming back from the events that transpired. I have a friend that had one piece of advice about me... something that he told someone else. "Always ask her for her advice... because she's probably right."
My father tells me that my family wants to reconnect with me. My mother says to give them another chance. But, I can't. I have spent the last 5 years of my teens telling and explaining to my family what's wrong... why they're wrong. And, I have spent the last 5 years of my life without them. For me, there's nothing to go back to. This prodigal relative isn't coming back.
One of my friends say that I was crazy to throw away everything that I had, but he understands why too. I'm going to make it without my family. I never needed them. I've always had my friends. I've always said that I would make it with my friends.
So, to my family members that like to read up on me (I know you do check up on me by my journals), here's my answer. No amount of apologies will undo 10 years of crap. It was your mistakes and perceptions that put my father in his current situation. No one elses. You took my father away from me and robbed everyone of how good our family could have been. And, for that, I'm not coming back. You destroyed my immediate family. You don't deserve to know me.
Another year is over. Another chapter is closing on my life. Let's see what next year will bring. Who's excited?
For starters, let me make this note. My public/online persona. I will probably be taking my online posts and locking them away soon. This will stay public until I have the time to do this.
I am a bit in awe of where I am at the moment... of what is in front of me... of what is coming. I have pretty much achieved what I set out to acheive. I'm at that point where it's all or nothing. Like when you play a game, and you're in those final moments before you take on the last event that will conclude the game. All the prep work, the whole journey, the ups, the downs.. it's been leading to this. And you know that this coming event will test everything you have learned and who you are. The possibility of failing is there. It always is. But you are quite sure that your game plan will get you through it. And, you will succeed. You've come too far to fail now.
I'm sure I will have a few friends that will say I have sold out when I tell them what's ahead for me. In a way, I have. But, I have always had a tendency to devote my whole life to my career. This just makes it official.
Now. As for my family.
It took 8 years for my family to realize how wrong they were... and how right I was. Question now is, will I take them back?
I don't think I will. I don't think there's any coming back from the events that transpired. I have a friend that had one piece of advice about me... something that he told someone else. "Always ask her for her advice... because she's probably right."
My father tells me that my family wants to reconnect with me. My mother says to give them another chance. But, I can't. I have spent the last 5 years of my teens telling and explaining to my family what's wrong... why they're wrong. And, I have spent the last 5 years of my life without them. For me, there's nothing to go back to. This prodigal relative isn't coming back.
One of my friends say that I was crazy to throw away everything that I had, but he understands why too. I'm going to make it without my family. I never needed them. I've always had my friends. I've always said that I would make it with my friends.
So, to my family members that like to read up on me (I know you do check up on me by my journals), here's my answer. No amount of apologies will undo 10 years of crap. It was your mistakes and perceptions that put my father in his current situation. No one elses. You took my father away from me and robbed everyone of how good our family could have been. And, for that, I'm not coming back. You destroyed my immediate family. You don't deserve to know me.
Another year is over. Another chapter is closing on my life. Let's see what next year will bring. Who's excited?