Delayed Reactions
Relationships with your parents are always tricky and interesting things. The relationship with my father is a good one. I don't think I could ask for anything better really considering the situation. If he was healthy, I know things would be pretty awesome.
The relationship with my mother on the other hand. It's okay. I have a temper with her. I know it's common for daughters to get more than feisty with their mother, but I can just be down right awful. The littlest things can get me so pissy. I have tried for a while to keep my anger in check, but I guess if you just don't fully understand why you're angry, you can't keep your anger at bay.
I wasn't looking to resolve my anger issues this weekend. I have come to accept that my mother is the only one that can throw me into a rage in less than a minute flat. It's an accomplishment considering how even tempered I typically am.
On Saturday, I visited my father like I always do. Chit chatted about whatever. And somehow, the history of what happened to our family came up. My mother's indiscretions throughout the whole time.
It's not like I didn't know my mother cheated on my father. I caught her when I was in kindergarten. So, it's not like I didn't know.
But, maybe, it was my father giving me so many more details about it all... about how many times our family was on the brink of falling apart... about how much of a social climber and a cheater and just damn selfish she was... maybe it was hearing all of that made it all click in my head as to why I'm so furious with her.
We all have issues brought on about what our family life was like growing up. Mine are obviously about relationships. I rationalize a lot of stuff. Like why I won't get married, don't want children, want to keep what's mine as mine and what's his as his... no joint accounts... everything separate... why I'm brutally honest these days... and why I expect nothing.
I spent a few minutes thinking about how different my life would have been if my parents stayed together... if my mother was just a bit more of an honest woman. Would I have been like I was in HS? Would I have gone to the college of my choice? Would I be a nurse today instead of another corporate person in the rat race? If I had the typical life, would I be as strong and as ambitious person as I am right now?
Probably not. But that doesn't mean I'm not a bit angry about the whole thing.
So, what do you do when you finally figure out your anger? And, know that there's nothing that can be said or done from the other person that would actually make it all okay?
Thing is... nothing is going to heal my emotional scars or make up for the last 15 years. So what do you do when you realize that....
The relationship with my mother on the other hand. It's okay. I have a temper with her. I know it's common for daughters to get more than feisty with their mother, but I can just be down right awful. The littlest things can get me so pissy. I have tried for a while to keep my anger in check, but I guess if you just don't fully understand why you're angry, you can't keep your anger at bay.
I wasn't looking to resolve my anger issues this weekend. I have come to accept that my mother is the only one that can throw me into a rage in less than a minute flat. It's an accomplishment considering how even tempered I typically am.
On Saturday, I visited my father like I always do. Chit chatted about whatever. And somehow, the history of what happened to our family came up. My mother's indiscretions throughout the whole time.
It's not like I didn't know my mother cheated on my father. I caught her when I was in kindergarten. So, it's not like I didn't know.
But, maybe, it was my father giving me so many more details about it all... about how many times our family was on the brink of falling apart... about how much of a social climber and a cheater and just damn selfish she was... maybe it was hearing all of that made it all click in my head as to why I'm so furious with her.
We all have issues brought on about what our family life was like growing up. Mine are obviously about relationships. I rationalize a lot of stuff. Like why I won't get married, don't want children, want to keep what's mine as mine and what's his as his... no joint accounts... everything separate... why I'm brutally honest these days... and why I expect nothing.
I spent a few minutes thinking about how different my life would have been if my parents stayed together... if my mother was just a bit more of an honest woman. Would I have been like I was in HS? Would I have gone to the college of my choice? Would I be a nurse today instead of another corporate person in the rat race? If I had the typical life, would I be as strong and as ambitious person as I am right now?
Probably not. But that doesn't mean I'm not a bit angry about the whole thing.
So, what do you do when you finally figure out your anger? And, know that there's nothing that can be said or done from the other person that would actually make it all okay?
Thing is... nothing is going to heal my emotional scars or make up for the last 15 years. So what do you do when you realize that....