Murder
You all know the whole Brandon situation. We broke up. Well, I still wanted to be friends. So, I started talking to him. He told me I was annoying. Everytime I see him sign on, it kills me a little bit more. Talking to him is like getting shot in the head, but I can't just merely stop talking to him. So, yea, I still have feelings for him. So, why did I break it off? Because it had to be done. But he's over it and that just increases my pain. The fact that he can get over it so easily. The fact that I can't. I want to block him when I see him sign online. I know I want to talk to him.. but he doesn't want to talk to me. I want to tell him this so badly. But I can't. I don't want him back. I knew it wouldn't have worked out. Jesus.. I could barely hug him. How could anything else ever possibly have happened? There's nothing anyone can do about this. No one gives a shit. So, why do I post this in my journal for everyone to see? It's not for you guys. It's for me to put my feelings in words. I don't give a shit if no one comments. I just want Brandon to talk to me. Not because he's my friend. Not because he feels obligated to. Not because I started the conversation. Just because he wants to talk to me. I wish I could tell him exactly that. But, I don't think he wants to listen. He takes everything so literally. It's like he can't just get what I'm saying for real. No one gets what I'm saying. I'm the only one. That's why I don't make sense --ever. I always fall for the guys who don't give a shit about me. And Chris Easingwood decides I'm annoying too. I am annoying. I know that. But I also know a lot of people more annoying that I am. I don't understand how I'm supposed to be at all. I'm sick of trying to please people. No one really accepts who I truly am. The real me is annoying.
Well, anyway, go on with your day. I'm sure that is much more interesting than my problems.
Love always,
Emily