the eternal plight of the damned
well tonight sucked major ass, i got suckered into going to some lame ass concert for local bands. there were only 2 good bands out of like 8 total so over all the hole experience was a bust. only reason i went is because a friend of mine asked me to go, said she'd show me a good time. if by showing me a good time she meant practically blow me off then i had an excellent time... i should have fucking known better, but thats what i get for not thinking things thru. i don't work well in a crowd situation, fuck i don't work well in any situation. i don't know what i was thinking. i legitamtly thought that i would have a good time, holy shit was i wrong lol. i kept trying to to talk to the person that told me to go but i kept getting a distinct "fuck off" vibe, so after awhile i finally took the hint, i just wish i had gotten that hint before i paid the goddamned 6 bucks to get in the door >< its funny how ppl seem different when u talk to them online then when u see the in real life they're completly different and they suck because of it, its probably just me but w/e. i am so fucking tired right now, but i don't want to go to sleep... i never thought i'd ever get to a point where drinking away my troubles seemed like a good idea, but right now i could really use some help from my good buddies Jack Daniels and Jim Beam lol. hell i'd even settle for Canadian whisky right now, thats how shitty i feel at the moment. i've decided that no matter what ne one else might tell me my life sucks and there is really no point for me to live (that however does not mean that i'm gonna commit suicide, i'm not a coward and i'm not going to take the easy way out. i don't care if i never get laid or even kissed for that matter, i just want to wake up one morning and not have ne of the worries and troubles that r causing me all this anguish) i hate u and i hate the rest of the world aswell, that includes me btw... i almost feel like i just want to cry which doesn't really make ne sense for me, but whatever thats how i feel right now. i just fucking feel so goddamned numb inside but at the same time i'm feeling a pain thats eating me up and turning all i feel to hatred, i can feel it spreading inside of me its like a fucking cancer, just waiting to burst out of me. i think its now only a matter of time now before i just fucking snap and loose it, i'm slowly going insane and its not exactly fun... sometimes i want to just give in to the temptation to allieviat my pain with drugs but i know thats not the answer and will only fuel my pain and make it spread faster. hahaha if someone came up and said something like to me i'd probably just tell them to suck it up and keep moving... thats just another sign of my growing hatred of humanity and of myself.