handle my life for me...and i'll never see the light of day again.

[xxoctober]

 this won't make much sense.

we walked. we talked, and he held my hand.
one face came to mind and it wasn't the one next to me. it wasn't the one of the guy holding my hand.
it was the face that reminded me of hurt and anger. the hurt and anger I felt when he fucking kissed her in front of me.
so inside i cringed and outside i smiled. he seemed happy to hold my hand.
and i just wanted to run away and find the guy who has been in my head [and maybe heart too] for as long as i can remember.
see, when the guy's face appeared i remembered when he held me, smiled at me, talked to me.
i remember because i felt so happy just to be next to him.
i felt the smile would never go away as long as he smiled at me. 
but the one holding my hand now, to me is just a friend.
so what now?
all i want is to see that guy again.

i don't wanna hold you hand. im sorry.