Doubted Memories #2 Don't Know Anything At All
Once I left Anbu's residence all I could think of is what Karin had told me. After that everything else was a blur I don't remember much of what she said to me after that. I could only remember a few things that she said that led her to think that I lo-lov-lo!!! Dammit I can't even let that word go through my head without wanting to scream!WHAAAAA! What the hell I wasn't gay!! Did Karin just want to talk to me to mess with my head!? Ugh...but she did have a point...
"Naruto, c'mon try to look at this from my point of view. Now with Orochimaru dead Sasuke is free. Hes no longer being held hostage or anything like that. Even if Orochimaru was still alive what would you be saving Sasuke from? Ever since the day he left, he left because he wanted to leave, he wasn't being forced. He didn't want to be saved. In the end, there was no reason to save him there was nothing you were saving him from. Were you just trying to bring him back because of your unaware selfishness..? Anyone would notice that you look at Sasuke more than a friend....Sasuke doesn't even care about you as far as I've seen. But I just wish he'll be in love with me but......."
After all that she trailed off saying something about her and her adventures with Sasuke and how she would let him bite her, and how painful and yet wonderful it felt to have his hot, warm, wet lips around her wrist. I just shuddered and although it was to give him more chakra and also to heal it still bothered me when I pictured it in my head. What...? Wait..no way!! I wasn't bothered by it at all! Ugh whatever, it doesn't matter what Sasuke did while he wasn't in Konoha. I sigh in defeat remembering Karin's words. Now that I think of it through her point of view she did have a point. Sure, Sasuke tried to kill me a couple of times...I mean it's a normal thing to do right? I mean Sasuke and I never liked each other to begin with so it's not out of the ordinary....right?
"Give up on Sasuke. Forget about him Naruto." Jiraiya told me seriously.
"What? No. Sasuke is my FRIEND! I will neve-"
"AND DO FRIENDS TRY TO KILL EACHOTHER? Huh Naruto..?" Jiraiya said outraged.
My eyes began to tear up at the memory...Ero-Sennin. He was just trying to do what was better for me he knew the pain of losing a friend and not being able to get him back. He had a same relationship with Orochimaru. Damn it...I don't know what to think of anymore, should I give up on "saving" Sasuke? Still....what was I saving him from?....What was my excuse to go after him now? What Karin said was true....I wasn't saving Sasuke from anything, I was just pointlessly chasing after him. I should give up on Sasuke, if Sasuke wanted to come back to Konoha he would. After all, he is a missing-nin and has joined the Akatsuki. They'd probably send Sasuke to capture me...the kyuubi. What was the point of saving Sasuke? There was nothing I was saving him from. No one was forcing him to do this, he was acting on his own. Sasuke didn't care about me or about Konoha he no longer had ties with me. He severed them, and even though I still look at him as a friend he doesn't. I'm just another loser he would kill. So after all those times we fought and almost killed eachother, why was I still going after him? Why do I care so much? Because we're friends? He no longer looked at me as a friend, so that wasn't true at all.
Am I still going after Sasuke because of that promise I made to Sakura? No. It's not because of that, because even with her confession that still didn't stop me from going after Sasuke. Then what was the reason? Any normal person would've stopped calling someone their "friend" if they tried to kill 'em right? I know that my nindo, my ninja way is to never give up, but I guess even a person like me would know when something was enough. Only a moron like me would keep chasing a "friend" over and over again until they get killed. Any person would've already given up on chasing someone who didn't even care about you. Sasuke no longer cared about me or Konoha I was just another loser he would kill. We didn't matter, he didn't care about how much we were worried about him. In all those times I chased after Sasuke he has never really looked at me. All his glances, stares, held no emotions in them as if he felt nothing.
Even after all the memories we've had together he doesn't seem to care anymore. After all those encounters and even after telling me that I've become "his best friend" and yet trying to kill me. How can the same lips who once told me "you've become my best friend" then tell me "I want to kill you"? It just isn't right how can he forget about everything we had...our friendship? Team 7? How could he forget about us? It seemed like everytime we met we were just strangers in his way that he was ready to kill at any second. Even though it might not be true that he's forgotten about us, it still seems that way. Then again it may be true, he might've even forgotten what our past was like as Team 7. We may be total strangers to him but to us he isn't. He's our friend and comrade, how can he possibly look at us without feeling anything...What's this pain in my chest? It's as if I can't breath...Sasuke I-- I don't know what to do. I dont know anything at all. I dont know what's this pain in m- growl- Oh maybe that pain was in my stomach and I was confusing it for my chest ha. Damn I'm so damn hungry!
"YOSH! Time to eat at Ichiraku's! RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!" I shouted outloud as I ran my way through the crowd of people to get to Ichiraku's. Once I barged in at Ichiraku's I inhaled the aroma filled with the luxurious smell of ramen. I slobbered. Once I sat down I settled in comfortably since no one was there.
"Jii-chan can you give me one order of ramen with pork-chops?" I asked impatiently.
"Coming right up" Teuchi said as he set the bowl of ramen in front of me.
"Itadakimasu" I said as I split my chop-sticks and gobbled my face with noodles. Oh my gosh this is good.
"Eh Naruto, I haven't seen you around in a while been busy with missions lately?" Jii-chan asked politely.
I nodded my head as I ate. "Tsunade baa-chan made us go on a twon of missiuns this time." I told him with my mouth full.
He nodded in approval and turned his attention to the upcoming costumer. Ramen tastes like heaven. It's taste was even better then the smell. It's so ra-
"Naruto Hokage-sama wants to see you immediately." I heard a familiar voice say...Sai.
"Oi Sai can't you swee I'm eetin'?" I said with my mouth full.
"It's about a solo-mission, she wants you in her office now." Sai said. He was so damn annoying.
"Fwine lemme just finiwish my fud." I said gobbling my ramen as fast as I could.
"Arigatou" I said as I left Ichiraku's.
Once I was in Tsunade-obaa-chans office she gave me the details of my mission. Which by the way was LAME! Why the hell am I still getting C-rank mission?! Apparently I had to go to the Village Hidden in The Rocks and dispose of a ninja called "Shinzou". He has been attacking that village for a while and taking hostages. Apparantly the Tsuchikage couldn't handle killing Shinzou for some reason, which was unknown to me. Once I set out of Konoha I went straight to the Village Hidden in the Rocks. This mission was going to take me atleast a week.
* * *
1 week later
My mission has left me traumatized. The reason the Tsuchikage couldn't face Shinzou was because he was his childhood friend. Shinzou became a rouge ninja at age 17 and then later on began assaulting the village with his group called 'Koumori'. There wasn't ninja strong enough to stop him in the Village Hidden in The Rocks that's why he asked Konoha's services. Still, how can he order someone to kill his best friend? Didn't he feel anything knowing that his best friend was going to be killed? Then again he was the Tsuchikage... I started to remember the conversation we had....
"You want me to kill your friend?!" I asked incredulously.
"Not exactly. He is no longer my friend." The Tsuchikage simply said.
"But, you guys were friends once. Weren't you?" I asked unable to understand. They had a bond how could it be forgotten?
"Yes. Still, that was a very long time ago and it no longer matters." He said looking away.
"Still... you guys can still be friends. There's another way to solve this without killing him, have you ever considered that? HAVE YOU HONESTLY FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM?! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE TIMES YOU ARGUED? THE TIMES YOU SAVED EACHOTHER? THE TIMES WHEN-"
"SHUT UP! Don't you think I've tried to negotiate with him? To bring him back to our village?! Of course I've considered those possiblities but, no matter how many times I went after him it would always be the same. He no longer cares about this damn village or about his friends! SO WHY THE HELL SHOULD I CARE ABOUT HIM!? HUH?! ANSWER ME UZUMAKI NARUTO! Don't act as if you knew how I feel! Stay out of this you're an outsider! You will never know how it is to feel the pain of losing a friend and having no choice but to kill him..." The Tsuchikage said cutting me off in mid-sentence, his voice was angered and yet filled with agony and regret.
"I-I'm sorry Tsuchikage-sama" I said lowering my head not wanting to remember or talk about Sasuke because believe me, I knew just how he was feeling more than anyone.
"As Tsuchikage I'll always have to make difficult decisions even if it means annihilating a 'friend'. You should always put the village's safety first, above everything else, and if that means killing a rogue ninja so be it. I will not tolerate a brat like you telling me that my decisions are wrong." He said seriously.
"A brat huh?" I asked under my breath.
"Oi, Naruto wasn't your dream to be Hokage? There will be times when you have to make choices which will sometimes feel impossible but, to be Hokage you must always protect the village even if that means killing rouge ninjas that were your friends. Rule #25 ' A ninja must never show any tears and let his emotions get in the way of reason. It's one of the most hardest rules to follow if you ask me" the Tsuchikage said simply with a smile.
At the end of the mission I simply captured Shinzou and his group, I didn't kill them, still I did rescue the hostages and returned them to their village. So well, I wonder if Tsunade-baa-chan will be pleased...or not. Since my mission was to 'dispose' of Shinzou. Still the Tsuchikage told me they'll deal with it so I guess I'm covered. Still this mission remembered me so much about Sasuke, if I want to be Hokage I'm going to make choices that benefit the village not myself. Sasuke, you no longer care right? Then I won't care neither, I will no longer think of you as a friend and if the time comes when you try to destroy Konoha I will kill you. Gome, Sakura...but you also know that the only way to stop Sasuke is to kill him right? You've tried to do it yourself. Hmm...I still wonder if this decision is right but, it no longer matters, I won't chase after Sasuke any longer.
I passed the gates of Konoha and inhaled the air, so nostalgic it feels like I haven't been here for a long time. I laughed at myself and looked around the village everything was so calm. Children laughing and playing tag it was a nice sight. I should go report to Tsunade baa-chan...growl. Hehehe then again I should probably go eat at Ichiraku's. Nothing beats eating ramen after a long mission. Oh my god it's been whole week that I haven't eaten Ichiraku Ramen. Then I noticed I was being stared at. All the adults, jounins(mostly), were looking at me worried. What gives? Their looking at me as if they pitied me, worried eyes glanced at me and quickly looked away. What's up with people today?
"Ramen! Ramen! Ramen" I shouted and ran towards Ichiraku's. I sat down and ordered one bowl of ramen with miso-pork.
"Just came from a mission didn't you Naruto?"Teuchi asked with a troubled laugh.
"Mhm. It's been a week since I've been in Konoha I just arrived a few minutes ago" I said while separating my chop-sticks and then I saw Teuchi's troubled eyes like everyone else's. I sigh.
"Oi Jii-chan is it just me or is everyone looking at me weird today?" I asked.
"No, no really it's jus-"
"Naruto what are you doing here? You were supposed to report to Hokage-sama immediately!" Sakura said out of nowhere.Gulp.
"Gome, Sakura-chan." I said nervously. "I'll make it up to you c'mon sit down and eat ramen with me, I'll pay" I said with a bright smile.
"Forget about that, we have to go to to Hokage-sama's office immediately." She said coldly.
"Sakura I know I have to go and report my mission but there's nothing to worry about everything is cool. So just chill, I'll go to Tsunade baa-chaan's offi-"
"You don't get it huh? Hasn't anyone told you already?" Sakura asked angry.
"Told me what?" I shouted. Damn, I just came to the village, and why the hell is she getting so pissed about? No offense but Sakura is acting like a bitch right now.
She closed her eyes and sigh. When she opened them her eyes were cold like emeralds "Sasuke is back" she said seriously.
"What?"