julie's talking.

[xxjuliet]

just getting it out of my system, feel free to ignore. please don't attack.
my ramblings from today, from an assortment of classes::

-you infect me.-
i want to throw up my past.
not you.
you're not inside me or part of me.
but you left something of yours in my bloodstream
like a disease.
like a virus.
like if i could purge you from my system
it'd be all better again.
like it never existed
ever.

i have that sick feeling in my stomach, that worn feeling in my eyes. i don't feel so bad anymore. I don't feel good, either. just sick, and sort of numb.
i have to snap out of this. i can't just keep using my "pain" as an excuse for not working. i have to get ouf of this. not for my sake, just the sake of my transcript.
why is this upsetting me now?! i mean really. why now?! and why can't i just go back to how i felt about it on friday? and why is it so difficult now?
if i talk to anyone, i'm afraid they'll just look at me and say, "well, that's sucks." but really, what else would there be for them to say?

i really wish i had known better. it really sort of kills my validity having stayed in close contact with [you].

- - and that's all. thanks and have a good day.