(no subject)
I love my best friend. We have been talking all day, and my god I love her. She's coming back to San Diego and we're going Apartment hunting. I should be out of here by Sept. in time for school. She's bringing her mustang down and then we're going back to pick up her toyota. She'll be living with me until we've got the place...Raymonds already got a place, and theres no room for me and K's, so he's helping us look and moving in with us when we find it. It should be interesting having 3 kids in an apartment and 4 cars on the street. I suppose transportation will never be an issue...::i hope i didnt just jinx myself, right there::...Today has been interesting. I watched The Wall, in bed and drew for a few hours. I guess you could say I was in a Pink Floyd kinda' mood. I almost cried like 4 times watching the movie by myself. Sometimes I feel like Pink. Alone. Cut of from people and cold to the world around me. I'm slipping out of that mood...After talking to Kalee I've decided that I want to marry a Navy man who can save me from myself and provide me with constant tenderness. I'm tired of rough love..tough love. I want sweet poetic melodic strums of a guitar in bed...I want daisys on the kitchen table and candles in the bathroom...I want love letters under my pillow when he's away. ...it's official, I will have my half sleeves done before I'm married...Kalee and I planned out our joined marriage. The ceremony will be on Carlsbad st. beach and there will be candles, deep red flowers with corset dresses and white lace with pearls on the tables and gold trimmed glasses with a cello and a symphany and antique style in abundance. The soundtrack will consist of Dr. Dre, Prodigy, Sneaker Pimps, No Doubt, Postal Service, Transplants, Blondie, Pink Floyd (considering the matching tattoos--Wish you were here, WILL be played atleast 2x)..we planned out our careers. I'm a writer for a magazine and and editor and shes working as a market researcher and we will be hot with our half sleeves and pinstripe buisness suits. Our children will DEFINE beautiful. They will wear sundresses with high top chucks and little plastic bright colored barrettes in their hair..the boys will be in high top chucks a rolled up levis and striped Tees'. I love it when I feel like my best friend has all the answers. I know things will work out because hes my muse. I've missed writing. I've missed drawing. I've missed my alone time with Pink Floyd. Mom says I'm depressed. Maybe I am. I'm not suicidal. Life is going too good for me, to be thinking like that. I finally painted my toes and threw away the junk on my shelves. I put in an old cd and went through old pictures. I miss feeling like the way I did when I had fake friends. Ha. I love growing up. It sucked there, for awhile. But I'm happy again. I feel at ease with the past. I saw my grandmother with whom I have a very deep rooted past, of which I dont usually speak on. But things are different. I had an anxiety attack on the way there. Almost turned around. But she did that for me. She made a complete turn around. Shes amazing. Its funny what theropy and meds can do for a person with issues as extensive as hers. I can honestly say my life is starting to flat line down a beautiful road full of scenery. I've wanted this. I've always wanted this..I've wanted to feel that everything is going to work out for the best and that I can be happy without worrying about the onlookers. I've missed my best friend, soul mate, and understanding muse. .. I want .... serenity.