toenails
i've been sleeping practically all day. i think my body has been trying to catch up on the many weeks of short sleep. ...classes start next monday. i'm kind of aggravated and excited at the same time. i'm ready to get the semester over with so i can get the fuck out of school but i don't want to deal with the damn people! there is already an assload of fuckers all over this town and it's annoying already. my parents are doing worse. i want to say that my dad is hiding the fact that he has his own place and that it might be with another woman. he also keeps telling my mom to write a will signing over everything she owns to him when she dies...yet he is not attempting to do the same. ugh. i'm scared shitless of the future and i don't want to deal with it. i wish i could move to europe or something just so i can get the fuck out of this shit. i know i gotta deal with it tho b/c running away already got me here and i'm already dealing with shit here and there! luis and i are ok. i don't know if we're just being 'couple-y' and fighting constantly or if we're just tired of dealing with each other and just fighting. it crazy because i don't like talking to him about what's on my mind anymore. that might have been why i stopped posting since i shared everything with him. ...just lately i feel like all that i had shared was like a waste. maybe not a waste to me but to him. i get on the defense a lot about his opinions. ...i don't like opening up to him because i've lost that trust. i think i've become paranoid. i was ok a few months back..but my parents shit has made me think twice about him and about life and about marriage. i think all my life i've been trained to think that marriage was the best thing since sliced bread. that it was what every girl should go for after/during school and have kids and all that shit...bullshit. what's the point of it all? evolution tells us that we need to survive so that we can reproduce with the most fit so that our offspring is most fit as well. ...which makes females the deciding factor. males have tons of sperm and can fuck as many or little females as he may wish but it's the females choice for males since she's the one stuck with the kid in her for 9months. then why is it about females that don't look at the nice guy with the stable job and secure family background? why do we choose the bad boy with the tight ass and cute face with a crazy personality? what makes this shitface so 'fit' in our eyes that we want to settle down with this guy and have kids with this guy just to find out that you're not the only female in the picture. ...i don't know. i'm done.