(no subject)
hmph.
here i am again. in one of those moods.
i love talking to you computer. you give me space and let me have time to plan my words...so you get exactly the type of picture im trying to paint....
what will i paint?
hm...i like people.
and summer.
I feel like this is how life is supposed to be.
anger/frustration is the biggest human downfall/weakness. ive tried to be more patient with everyone lately. ive been less stressed, so that helps i guess. i just hope i can maintain my sanity when school starts....
ive been trying to establish a good relationship with my roomate before i turn into a wreck in august and scare the crap out of her. i know sometimes im hard to handle and i figure that if im around her enough now, i might learn to be patient....but it seems as if my efforts are going unnoticed. i guess ill just have to suck it up and except the fact that im once again not a priority.
i feel like i have good friends that i have some how forgotten. i had some kinda of freak accident and now im recovering from amnesia and im trying to remember who they are. i have glimses of their faces but nothing more. i always knew i would never again talk to most of people i knew in high school but i guess its strange to not be constantly surrounded by people that i used to see daily.
im always lonely but i love being alone. i cant wait to get started on painting again. is it funny that college excites me because there will be college level art classes? im so looking forward to that. i love being in classes with people who are advanced because they push me and understand me. i know i still have a lot to learn about harnesing my visions but i think i could really get there with practice...im thinking of minoring in art.
ive been reading a lot too...books of my choice for once (yay no more ap english). im trying desperately to get through 1984...so far its pretty painful, the concepts are interesting but the writing of the book itself is pretty dull. i do like to think about the concepts though..this one struck me the most today...
"Talking to her, he realized how easy it was to present an appearance of orthodoxy while having no grasp whatever of what orthodoxy meant. In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accpet the most flagrant violations of reality because they never really grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird."
ah this reminds me of someone i know...he claims to believe, yet has no idea why. hes so obviously following the crowd for no personal reason and yet he sees no problem with it because it keeps his sanity. who is smarter, him or me...who cant believe anything and is going completely insane??? i will never know.
i need something to believe in.
the one thing i believed in...is messed up at the moment. i cant decide what i think about it...the certainty is gone.
i cant help but to say that i know this is a sign of my youth and this moment in my life, when im about to start a new journey. i cant say im not prepared because i feel like ive been ready for quite some time...i guess im just itchy...i dont know how to describe it besides that.
hmph. what a night. i made a parrot costume for work. i really do love children. or else why in g-d's name would i get up early every morning, sweat my butt off, scream for 8 hours and then crash after dinner each day. its glorious to cheer about ridiculous notions such as the princess pat and bazooka bubblegum...allows me to laugh at myself...and the world.
i ramble. so sorry.
here i am again. in one of those moods.
i love talking to you computer. you give me space and let me have time to plan my words...so you get exactly the type of picture im trying to paint....
what will i paint?
hm...i like people.
and summer.
I feel like this is how life is supposed to be.
anger/frustration is the biggest human downfall/weakness. ive tried to be more patient with everyone lately. ive been less stressed, so that helps i guess. i just hope i can maintain my sanity when school starts....
ive been trying to establish a good relationship with my roomate before i turn into a wreck in august and scare the crap out of her. i know sometimes im hard to handle and i figure that if im around her enough now, i might learn to be patient....but it seems as if my efforts are going unnoticed. i guess ill just have to suck it up and except the fact that im once again not a priority.
i feel like i have good friends that i have some how forgotten. i had some kinda of freak accident and now im recovering from amnesia and im trying to remember who they are. i have glimses of their faces but nothing more. i always knew i would never again talk to most of people i knew in high school but i guess its strange to not be constantly surrounded by people that i used to see daily.
im always lonely but i love being alone. i cant wait to get started on painting again. is it funny that college excites me because there will be college level art classes? im so looking forward to that. i love being in classes with people who are advanced because they push me and understand me. i know i still have a lot to learn about harnesing my visions but i think i could really get there with practice...im thinking of minoring in art.
ive been reading a lot too...books of my choice for once (yay no more ap english). im trying desperately to get through 1984...so far its pretty painful, the concepts are interesting but the writing of the book itself is pretty dull. i do like to think about the concepts though..this one struck me the most today...
"Talking to her, he realized how easy it was to present an appearance of orthodoxy while having no grasp whatever of what orthodoxy meant. In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accpet the most flagrant violations of reality because they never really grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird."
ah this reminds me of someone i know...he claims to believe, yet has no idea why. hes so obviously following the crowd for no personal reason and yet he sees no problem with it because it keeps his sanity. who is smarter, him or me...who cant believe anything and is going completely insane??? i will never know.
i need something to believe in.
the one thing i believed in...is messed up at the moment. i cant decide what i think about it...the certainty is gone.
i cant help but to say that i know this is a sign of my youth and this moment in my life, when im about to start a new journey. i cant say im not prepared because i feel like ive been ready for quite some time...i guess im just itchy...i dont know how to describe it besides that.
hmph. what a night. i made a parrot costume for work. i really do love children. or else why in g-d's name would i get up early every morning, sweat my butt off, scream for 8 hours and then crash after dinner each day. its glorious to cheer about ridiculous notions such as the princess pat and bazooka bubblegum...allows me to laugh at myself...and the world.
i ramble. so sorry.