Between the conception and the creation, between the emotion and the response, falls the Shadow....
Life is very long
You talk of blankness, and I'm there, too. Alone, yet not, for there are hundreds of little voices hidden in the blinding light. It's getting to the point where I would do almost anything to make them cease their heart wrenching chatter, their hurtful words, the constant buzzing. There's got to be some way to drown out the fray, to pry the skeletal fingers from around my core, to remember how to breathe easy. Things are becoming desparate, and the haze more complex. Not to sound cliche or hyperbolic, but it truly is me against the world. Nothing is ever easy, help is nowhere, mercy is absent, and I'm so ready to just give up or fade away. If only the corporeal could get lost in oblivion. Even as the thoughts become words I can feel the saline start to collect in my eyes. Something so new. It's a calm pain, a quiet hurt, spread out over all the muscles and deep in the bones, culminating at head, eyes, and most importantly, heart. How easy things would be if showing emotion were enough. How easy things would be if I were enough. This fear picks at what's left of expression and thought. Have I been this scared before? I think, and I tremble. It's unbelievable I admited that to him...all of my being was screaming to leave it be. A cry for help couched in code. I don't want to be alone tonight, but alone is all I have.
"It's for love. Yours is just sick, but in a good way. Mine is for love." It's beautiful.
I did it again, Penny Lane. And I'm so tempted to do it right now.
The fire is almost out. I'm not sure how much longer I can try, and that pertains to everything. I can't be in such situations anymore. My heart can't take it. It's as if I'm watching myself from a distance, like some perptual vicodin trip. Right now I need someone to hold me and tell me everything is okay..that I'm enough. I'm not even sure if the gesture or the person is of more import. I need others to try, or I may well fade out.
I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't do this anymore.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper...