...Home...Finally...
So coming back is all i have wanted...but it seems that no one here could care less that i have come back...makes me wonder if no one saw me this week...if they would wonder what happened...oh well...im way from my house and i have a bed to sleep in...so im good for the moment...
So could some one maybe help me figure something out...?...I dont know what i have done...but now im not even worthy of an IM or phone call over the weekend...not even a facebook post...ummm...everything changed the other night...i dont understand...the proceeding weeks were great...we had such a good time...or so i though...everything seemed fine...untill the night everyone got mad at me...he slept...then i left...came home...slept on the couch...and some how ended up in his loft but on the extra bed...?...but that morning everything seemed just fine...we joked around and flirted like always...Tuesday seemed ok...although he was on the phone with her...his ex...no big deal...i havent see him talk to her in a long time...on the contrary when i am around he turns the sound off on his phone...and ignores the phone calls...but he got off the phone right away and came and say by me...it was nice...the feeling that i had...but i guess it was all trivial...because that night at BW3's something changed...i dont know what it was...but by the time we ate...there was so much distance between us that i felt...i dont know what it was...but that was the last time i talked to him...or saw him...besides when i saw him leave for home the following monday...of that weekend...no call...no IM...no nothing...for all he knows im dead...and out of his life forever...i some times wonder if he would even care...but then i start to think so why this bothers me so...why he hurts my feelings soo bad...i should be stronger then this...but when i stop to think about it all...i find that there isnt any reason...yes it is his own lose...but then i think...im very active...hes not...he doesnt do much...havent ever seen him do work...but what is on the computers in the labs...his room mate does the dishes and takes out the trash...he doesnt even do his own laundry...he takes it home for his mommy to do...?...come on...he doesnt even have the desire to move out of his parents house...i hate the word whatever...but this is an exception...whatever right? who would wanna bother with someone like that...much to my dismay...i end up bothering with him...getting hurt and then comforted and hurt....its an endless circle....and i can't get out....but only 3 more weeks...i dont know if that is good or not...i do know i wont see him...makes me wonder if ill cry...depends on the next 3 weeks...i know he can't ignore me...he can't stand me to be in the house with out him...he gets jelous of others when i am around them with out him...like no one else can have him...but he doesnt want me...?...i wonder if ill still be welcome at the house...?...with out him...i have no one to protect me...although he didnt do a very good job the other night when i got treated like shit...he was kindda like 'oh..im going back to sleep...'...adds to the reason i went to a party with a married guy...which leads me to the fact that im sick of finding guys who are attached to girls...this guy kills me...he found me...and he acts like he wants me...but hes married...and i suppose im a temptation to him...im to the point where if he comes at me...tis all over for him...cause it wasnt my fault...to sum it all up....boys are stupid and im really considering marrying my roommate jessi...
Exams are coming up...i have to go home again this coming weekend...cant wait for the couch...or the fact that i have to be around scott again...
I think my home life is becoming more and more unstable as the days go by...i can see in my future going home to no house...everything is gone...and im left standing...i can see the arguing come next weekend too...the tension grows between my aunt and her b/f...i feel the relationship ebbing away as my aunt engulges all her feelings in to me...great now i have her problems...along with mine...being so trusting sometimes kills...when everyone entrustes you with their feelings...never take it back...i would sit and listen to anyone and any problem...no matter the effect on me...
shoulders hurt like hell...maybe ill take a trip the hot tub tomorrow night....