...Sigh...

Oct 25, 2005 22:55


…I don’t know what to say, but "DAMN".  I think I got screwed out of this one.  I mean Jezzz...the phone wasn’t going to go anywhere...now I remember from Sunday, why I don’t wanna go there anymore...to me its sad that the place I use to go to make things better, to get away from stress, and not think about problems in my life; has now turned in to a problem...working on this is hard, and as all the thoughts cross my mind, I find the only solution is to remove my self from the source of my underlying pain...I found today its not that hard to be some place with out someone knowing...but I’m not always entirely sure I should be there anyway...I guess it all depends on what happens to me in the next few weeks...I have found my self soul searching again...a dark place has found a home, and I have to rid my heart of it...not a normal dark place, but one that was brought about, because the heart was toyed with...or as I feel at the present time...there is to much going on in my mind and this place that I know it is useless to mention my hearts desire and pain, because it will just be shrugged off and not thought of again...a blank slate to begin anew...my sickness haunts my body as though it will not go away until I am happy again...its lingered for two weeks with no let up...sleep is hard...I wake about 5 or 6 every morning...whether my alarm is set for that...my body is weak and restless...a good sleep will be good, but I have to be completely wore to achieve that...I’ve planned my weekend, to spend the majority of it as awake as possible, and sleep on day Sunday...work will get done on Friday and I will as much fun as I can Friday and Saturday...

My writings seem dark, but my body is left to mend from a moment of happiness that was only a dream, when trust was taken and I was left in the dark...ill be ok...I always am...just give me my time, and full health and spirit will return, when I find my happiness that hides from this new arisen darkened side on my heart...
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