and i miss you (and love you and crave for you) ii/iii

[xxbbq]

It's past nine o'clock in the evening when his plane finally touches down in Los Angeles, and Junmyeon thinks he can quite literally fall asleep standing. It's not the longest flight he's been in but, coupled with stress and tension that's been thrumming through his nerves since last week, Junmyeon finds it pretty hard to get even a wink of sleep during his entire trip.

Actually, it's not so much the nerves that kept Junmyeon up all throughout the entire plane ride-it's actually the excitement, the knowledge that he'll get to see and hug and kiss Kyungsoo again after so many months that really kept Junmyeon on his toes. Trying to keep the whole trip a secret from Kyungsoo was hard but Junmyeon knows it'll definitely be worth it once he sees the surprise written all over Kyungsoo's face.

Junmyeon heads straight to the restaurant where Kyungsoo works as a part-time lounge singer. He was able to sneakily ask Kyungsoo for his schedule this week without Kyungsoo even suspecting anything, so Junmyeon is positive that he'll see Kyungsoo working tonight.

Luck is definitely on his side because, as soon as Junmyeon steps inside, the familiar warm tone of Kyungsoo's voice reaches his ears. Junmyeon looks up ahead, right at the little stage where Kyungsoo is perfoming at, and almost embarrassingly swoons right there and then.

Kyungsoo looks so painfully good, and Junmyeon knows it's not just his probably extreme favoritism talking. Junmyeon manages to snag a table at the very back of the restaurant, despite not being able to take his eyes off of Kyungsoo for more than a few seconds. Kyungsoo isn't really a stranger when it comes performing, that much Junmyeon knows. Back in Korea, Junmyeon remembers how often Kyungsoo would drag him to noreabangs, especially at nights when work became too much and singing and being with each other offered them a little reprieve. Junmyeon would shamelessly stare at Kyungsoo then, focus all of his attention on him as Kyungsoo sang song after song after song.

Here, at a corner of a restaurant in Los Angeles, things aren't very much different. Junmyeon sits and listens to Kyungsoo sing every line of the song with so much passion, his emotions clearly bleeding into every note he belts out. Junmyeon knows he's not the only one enamoured by Kyungsoo on stage, not when Kyungsoo's voice is enough to take someone's breathe away; not when Kyungsoo even manages to smile at the crowd even in between stanzas, that beautiful quirk of his lips looking even more attractive under the gentle shade of the spotlight.

It takes everything in Junmyeon to remain in his seat when the crowd bursts into a loud applause after Kyungsoo's last song, Kyungsoo bowing at everyone and then walking towards the bar to get a drink. Junmyeon just watches him for a little before quietly heading there himself.

Keeping his eye on him, Junmyeon cautiously approaches Kyungsoo from behind. “You were really amazing up there. Can I buy you a drink tonight?” Junmyeon whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear in a deep, sultry voice. He then steps back a little, shamelessly taking a moment to take in the curve of Kyungsoo's ass.

Kyungsoo grunts, like he has been getting the same suggestive invitation way too many times tonight. He doesn't even give Junmyeon the slightest glance when he responds, "Sorry, but I'm not really interested."

Junmyeon can't help but softly laugh at the blunt rejection he just received. So this is how Kyungsoo deals with people and their advances-cold and direct and so heartless. Junmyeon feels oddly elated for someone who just got rejected. "Well, that's too bad," Junmyeon says, taking the vacant seat next to Kyungsoo. "Since I was hoping to spend the next few days with you."

Clearly aggravated at the person who just won't stop pestering him, Kyungsoo sighs loudly and finally, finally shifts in his seat. "Look-" Coming face-to-face with the owner of the voice, Kyungsoo’s eyes immediately widen as soon as he recognizes the person sitting next to him. "Junmyeon!"

Junmyeon huffs when Kyungsoo immediately lunges at him, the sudden weight causing all his breath to whoosh out of his lungs. Laughing, Junmyeon wraps his arms around Kyungsoo, holding him tight and uncaring about what this might look like to everyone around them. Because this is America, because they're not in Korea anymore, because, Junmyeon realizes with something akin to relief, they're finally free here.

"Did you miss me that much?" Junmyeon playfully asks. The tightening of Kyungsoo's embrace is enough of an answer for him.

Reunion sex is definitely even better than what Junmyeon had expected and that's saying a lot because Junmyeon had thought about this way too many times than he could freely admit in the last few months.

Junmyeon is somewhat glad to know that his imagination, no matter how creative and filthy it can be sometimes, doesn't really match up when it comes to the actual feeling of Kyungsoo's cock pulsing inside him again. While Junmyeon can try and simulate the feeling of fullness with his fingers-there is only so much satisfaction he can get when it comes to webcam and phone sex, really-it's just not the same when he finally sinks down onto Kyungsoo's cock, thighs quivering and hands gripping tightly like a lifeline on Kyungsoo's shoulders.

Kyungsoo lets him adjust in quiet, comforting Junmyeon with open-mouthed kisses here and there because he knows it's been long-it's been way too long since they did this. It only takes a while before Junmyeon feels like he can move again though so, experimentally, he rolls his hips, liking the way Kyungsoo throws his head back with a moan.

Everything just seems to turn into a blur after that-Junmyeon rides him hard and fast, completely forgetting the fact that they have to stay quiet because Kyungsoo's parents are just a few doors down, peacefully sleeping in their room. But Junmyeon can't seem to keep his voice in check, not when Kyungsoo keeps on hitting his prostate with every cant of his hips, making him moan and whimper and babble unintelligible words in intense pleasure. And it only takes a few stuttering thrusts, Kyungsoo snapping his hips up in a rather erratic rhythm, for both of them to reach their orgasm, Junmyeon's come hitting hard against Kyungsoo's abdomen.

"Satisfied yet?" Junmyeon asks, panting into Kyungsoo's hair.

Kyungsoo tips his head up and catches Junmyeon's lips in lazy kiss. "Not really," he whispers teasingly. The playful glint in his eyes sends a shiver down Junmyeon's spine. "But, don't worry, we have all night."





They spend the next few days doing nothing but going to different places and taking pictures and eating at, quite possibly, every one of Kyungsoo's favorite restaurants. Junmyeon would have loved to spend five whole days locked in Kyungsoo's bedroom, really, but after making rather embarrassing noises on his first night, he thinks it's probably better this way-after all, Junmyeon doesn't want to look like he flew all the way here just to sleep with their son at every given opportunity.

And maybe going out and introducing himself to some of Kyungsoo's friends and coworkers in the process is nice as well because, eventually, Junmyeon meets Baekhyun. He's much too pretty, especially in person, with a personality as bright as his smile, and it honestly makes Junmyeon feel a little insecure about himself (only a little, though, because Kyungsoo never fails to make him feel like he's the most amazing person in his world). That doesn't stop him, however, from realizing how wrong he was to even assume that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had something going on between them.

"Like I told you, me liking Baekhyun is just impossible," Kyungsoo distractedly says. He's still using Junmyeon's digital camera, busily thumbing through the pictures they've amassed for the past five days. Junmyeon reminds himself to print them out and, maybe, display the few, good ones in his apartment. "That won't ever happen in this lifetime."

Junmyeon stops in the middle of packing his clothes to throw a questioning glance at Kyungsoo. "How can you be so sure of that? Baekhyun's pretty nice and-"

"Because I'm with you, and that's really the only thing that matters."

Something swells in Junmyeon’s chest, spilling over and suffusing his entire being with that familiar warmth again. It reaches up, up, up until it pulls the corners of his mouth into a smile. Junmyeon is always reminded how lucky he is to have Kyungsoo in his life, even with the hundreds and thousands of miles separating them most of the time, and Junmyeon realizes that now more than ever.

Slowly, Junmyeon stands up and occupies the empty space beside Kyungsoo, taking the digital camera from his hands so Junmyeon can properly wrap him in his arms. "I love you," he says softly, words wrapped up in so much affection.

"I love you, too," Kyungsoo whispers against the crook of his neck. Kyungsoo fits so perfectly against him that Junmyeon doesn't ever want to let go. "Thank you for making this trip."

If Junmyeon is given a choice, he would gladly stay here in America and be with Kyungsoo. But his life is in Korea-his job, his family-and Junmyeon can't possibly just drop and leave everything behind for Kyungsoo. Maybe someday, Junmyeon thinks. Maybe someday they'll get to that point and Junmyeon knows he won't ever regret it when that time comes.

But, for now, this is enough.



When Junmyeon gets into Chanyeol's car, the first thing he notices is the rather intimidating stare that Jongdae and Chanyeol direct at him. He's pretty much used to his friends acting weird and idiotic out of the blue, so Junmyeon just shrugs them off and waits for Chanyeol to start the engine. After a few seconds, though, it all becomes clear to Junmyeon that none of them seem to have any plans of leaving the airport parking anytime soon.

"What?" Junmyeon finally asks. Still, their steely gazes don't waver, not one bit, so Junmyeon consciously pats his face in worry. "Is there something on my face?"

"Weird. His eyes don't seem puffy and I don't see any signs of tear tracks or whatever," Chanyeol says out loud.

Junmyeon's eyebrows almost knit together in confusion. "Tear tracks? What-"

"We were worried that you'd get dump and then we'll have to go back to the club to comfort your sorry ass again," Jongdae pipes up. He examines Junmyeon's face for a second too, and whatever he sees in Junmyeon's face must have satisfied his curiosity. "But I guess your trip went well, huh?"

Junmyeon remembers all the things they did, all the silly conversations they've had and the breathy kisses they've shared in between. He remembers the way Kyungsoo felt in his arms whenever they sleep together, remembers the way Kyungsoo looked so beautiful up on the stage as he sang a song or two for him during his work hours, remembers the way they refused to let go of each other a few hours before Junmyeon's flight back to Korea.

"Yeah, it was really good," Junmyeon answers. He knows he's probably smiling like a fool at this moment because Chanyeol is back to giving him those weird looks again.

"Have you actually told him that you love him, hyung?" Chanyeol asks.

"Um. Yeah." Junmyeon leaves out the tiny fact that he has, indeed, told Kyungsoo those three words far too many times to count. But, well, his friends don't really need to know that.

"Did you really?" Jongdae asks, completely surprised. Junmyeon just wordlessly nods, wondering where this conversation is taking them. "Wow."

"You need to be careful, hyung," Chanyeol warns. "You know we love you like a real brother, right? And no matter how many times we tease you and bully you, Jongdae and I still care for you so much and we don't ever want to see you get hurt again."

"I know that, Chanyeol..." Because Junmyeon does. He really does. Even though it sometimes appears that Chanyeol and Jongdae only exist to give Junmyeon a terrible migraine, Junmyeon still thinks he'll never find even greater friends than these two. "But why are you telling me all of this now?"

"I've been in a long distance relationship myself, hyung, and I know it's hard as hell," Chanyeol confesses. "It doesn't matter how amazing the relationship is; it literally can just break apart at any given time. You might find yourself waking up one day and feeling a little less in love with Kyungsoo and there's always a chance that Kyungsoo will end up the same. Distance can just be a real bitch like that."

Junmyeon bites his lower lip. It's not like Junmyeon didn't know all of that before he decided to be in this relationship with Kyungsoo. He did, but there's always been the optimistic part of himself that still believes that what he has with Kyungsoo won't end horribly. That it won't end, period. "Chanyeol-"

Chanyeol raises both of his hands in surrender. "Look, hyung, all I'm saying is that it's hard to be away from the person you love for months at a time, and I'm sure you know that. I'm just really worried for you, that's all."

"You don't have to be, Chanyeol," Junmyeon answers as calmly as he can. "I'm okay, really. Kyungsoo and I are fine. I mean, yeah, it is hard, but we trust each other and we do get by through constant phone calls and chats and stuff." Chanyeol's still looking at him worriedly, like he's actually expecting Junmyeon to break down and cry any second now. Junmyeon just sighs. "Really, Chanyeol, I'm happy with how things are right now."

Because he is...right?

Later in bed, at two in the morning, Junmyeon dials Kyungsoo's number on a whim. It rings for a few times before the call eventually goes to voice mail.

"Hi, this is Kyungsoo. I'm not available to pick up your call right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Junmyeon didn't realize that he had his eyes closed until he's actually done listening to Kyungsoo's voice. He laughs to himself then, and the sound feels so hollow and depressing in the emptiness of his room. Junmyeon supposes that he shouldn't even be surprised anymore.

"Now you just made me miss you even more. Thanks a lot," Junmyeon says jokingly. He tries to lift the somber atmosphere by laughing a little. "Anyway, it's past two in the morning here and I haven't gotten a blink of sleep yet since I came back. So I guess I'm going to head to bed now. Call me in the morning?" Junmyeon trails off and, for a second, he feels like saying something else, something more. But in the end, Junmyeon cowers and decides to just end the call with a, "Okay. Yeah. Goodnight."

Junmyeon turns off his bedside lamp then, and hopes that he can sleep off this restless feeling instead.

The days go by in the blink of an eye. A calendar hangs on Junmyeon's wall, the 25th of this month encircled with a rather striking red pen.







New year soon rolls around and Junmyeon is all but set on making the next 365 days memorable for both him and Kyungsoo. Junmyeon likes to believe that he's a fairly realistic guy but he still allows himself the little luxury of thinking that this might actually be their year. That, this time around, they won't have to rely on expensive long distance calls and Skype and Snapchat and Twitter anymore, that all this impracticality will eventually end and they'll be able to find a way to live together-

"I didn't get the job, Junmyeon," is the first thing Kyungsoo tells him over the phone one day. "Remember the music company where I worked as a summer intern at? Well, my ex-boss told me to call them back after the New Year to inquire about the possibility of getting a permanent position. So I did."

Junmyeon sits up straighter on the sofa, huddling into himself more with the blankets draped tightly over his shoulders. The weather hasn't let up yet, and the bone-chilling cold is making him feel more restless than usual. Junmyeon's never really liked winter all that much. "And?"

Kyungsoo sighs and it sounds so frustrated and tired all at the same time. "They told me they just got done laying off a few hundred people so they're not taking on anyone anytime soon."

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon helplessly says. Kyungsoo is quiet on the other line and Junmyeon quickly racks his brain so he can say something else other than those two measly words. "But, hey, look at it this way-it's not like someone else got the job over you, right? They're just not hiring someone right now."

"I know that-just." Another deep sigh. "You don't understand, Junmyeon. I wanted that job so much. I wanted to be in Korea with you."

I know that, Soo. Believe me, I really do. There are other music companies here in Korea, though, right? Maybe I can help you-"

"I really doubt other companies are hiring right now, especially if a huge music company like EXO Music just cut off a hundred jobs."

"But you don't know that until you try," Junmyeon patiently tells him. He knows Kyungsoo's stressed and frustrated and tired to the bone and it's during these times that Junmyeon hates being so far away from Kyungsoo the most. "I get it, alright? You're angry and exhausted and I really wish I can hug you right now..."

"That's the whole problem, Junmyeon!" Kyungsoo suddenly explodes. "The problem is that you're there, and I'm here, stuck in this predicament, stuck in this damn restaurant, stuck in this fucking part-time job right now. And it sucks-"

"Hey, calm down, baby," Junmyeon gently interjects. "Breathe, okay? I know it's looking pretty bleak right now, but I promise everything will be better tomorrow.  We'll come up with a new plan and figure this thing out, okay?"

"Okay," Kyungsoo eventually answers after a few beats of silence. He heaves another sigh, but this one sounds even more exhausted than the last. "I should go. They need me on stage right now."

"Alright. I lov-"

Kyungsoo abruptly hangs up, the dial tone ringing loudly in Junmyeon's ears. The hollow feeling in his chest leaves Junmyeon wondering what else he could've said to make things better between them.

Junmyeon feels uneasy, knee fidgeting underneath his work desk. There are calls he needs to make today, papers he needs to work on, but Junmyeon can't really get himself to concentrate as much as he wants to. He knows it's partially because of that last conversation he had with Kyungsoo. And partially because-

"Hi, this is Kyungsoo. I'm not available to pick up your call right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

-he'd been calling Kyungsoo for only-God-knows how many times already since last night and until this morning, to no avail. Every one of his calls just goes to Kyungsoo's voicemail every damn time and Junmyeon's worry just grows by the second.

Finally fed up, Junmyeon just tucks his phone back in his pocket. Maybe he'll just try calling Kyungsoo again later. But, now, he has unfinished work to deal with, and Junmyeon steels himself so he can finally try and focus.

Just then, his work phone suddenly rings, and Junmyeon reaches for it, answering the call without expecting anything. "Hello?"

"Hey-"

"Oh, god," Junmyeon sighs in relief as soon as he distinguishes Kyungsoo's voice on the other line. Junmyeon grips the phone tight with his fingers. "I must have left you a ton of messages and missed calls since last night, Kyungsoo. Please, please, please tell me you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kyungsoo grunts out. "I was out late last night with Baekhyun. I guess I got real drunk and passed out as soon as I came home."

Junmyeon stills in his seat, surprised at hearing that familiar name. "Oh. Baekhyun?"

"Yeah. He was just there to listen to me vent, you know?"

"Wow," Junmyeon says, unable to think of anything else he can respond with. His head is full of images of Kyungsoo drunkenly making his way home, Baekhyun keeping him up and holding him by the waist- "Okay."

His response must have sounded so apathetic in Kyungsoo's ears because the next thing he asks Junmyeon is, "What's wrong?"

Junmyeon shrugs. And then, as if belatedly realizing that Kyungsoo is on the phone, a hundred thousand miles away from him, he answers, "Nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing to me," Kyungsoo says. Junmyeon stays silent, mind still reeling over the fact that Kyungsoo can just go and get drunk with anybody and make Junmyeon so insanely worried like that. "Hey, you don't have to worry about anything, okay? Nothing really happened between Baekhyun and I." Junmyeon snorts, without really intending to. "Junmyeon, I'm telling the truth. Please just tell me that you trust me."

It is then that Chanyeol stops by his table, motioning for him to get those papers at his desk done as quickly as he can. Junmyeon is thankful for the sudden intrusion because, frankly, he doesn't think he can carry on listening to bullshit any longer.

"Let's...just talk about this some other time, Soo," Junmyeon regretfully says, "I still have work I need to finish."

Kyungsoo sighs dejectedly. "Okay. Just-call me when you're not busy?"

Junmyeon just hums his assent and then ends the call after that. He suddenly feels so, so tired, along with insecurity and worry eating away at him, and Junmyeon doesn't really know what to do about it.

(In the end, they never really got the chance to talk about it. The unresolved issue of jealousy and insecurity was only swept under the rug, just like most things, forgiven with a heartfelt apology but not entirely forgotten.)



Junmyeon's palms are clammy and he feels like he's sweating so much even though it's freezing cold at the arrivals lounge here in the airport. There are a million faces rushing past him and, for a second, Junmyeon worries about not being able to distinguish Kyungsoo among the crowd because of his anxiousness.

"Will you relax hyung?" Chanyeol whines. Beside him, Jongdae snorts, obviously finding Junmyeon's restlessness a little funny. Junmyeon frowns but doesn't make any attempt to stop fidgeting in his place. "Kyungsoo's flight just landed. He still has to go through immigration and---"

"I know," Junmyeon says, rudely cutting him off. His nerves are just really getting to him now. "But this is taking forever. He should've been out of the doors thirty minutes ago."

"Don't worry so much, hyung. It'll be alright," Jongdae says, comfortingly patting Junmyeon's shoulder. "And, anyway, you should be glad Kyungsoo's not here yet. Gives you more time to prepare for, what may possibly be, the most embarrassing performance of your life."

Junmyeon throws a glare at him. Jongdae's supposed to be on his side-he's supposed to cheer Junmyeon on and reassure him that Kyungsoo will definitely love whatever surprise he had prepared today, no matter how mortifying it might be. Also, Junmyeon is pretty sure that he isn't the only one who's going to end up wishing for the earth to swallow him whole when all of this is done so-

"Oh, there he is!"

Junmyeon whips his head around just in time to see Kyungsoo making his way out the doors, his usual black-on-black-on-black outfit setting him apart from the huge crowd. It isn't long before Kyungsoo actually spots them and he smiles, setting Junmyeon's heart into overdrive, his breath catching in his throat.

Junmyeon stays rooted in his place, even though there's that familiar itch to cross what little distance is left between them so he can finally have Kyungsoo in his arms. But he needs to restrain himself, if only for the success of his plans. Beside him, both Chanyeol and Jongdae take their guitars out of their cases, already ready to hit those chords at Junmyeon's cue.

Kyungsoo is only a few steps away from them now, and Junmyeon sees the confusion splayed on his face, all but hears the cogwheels turning in his head. When he's finally a little closer, Junmyeon silently nods his head towards Chanyeol and Jongdae, motioning them to start strumming. Guitar chords echo all around, and Junmyeon is suddenly acutely aware that every person in the vicinity has their eyes glued on them.

Junmyeon affords to throw a small smile at Kyungsoo, albeit a little awkwardly, before he begins to sing.

"I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down. I need your loving, loving, I need it now."  Junmyeon tries to move as naturally as he can in time with the beat of his friends' strumming, swaying from side to side as he sings. "When I'm without you, I'm something weak. You got me begging, begging, I'm on my knees."  Chanyeol and Jongdae eventually join in, giggling and singing along to the song's chorus. "Sugar, yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me. I'm right here, 'cause I need little love and little sympathy."  Several girls on the sidelines begin to scream as Junmyeon walks over to where Kyungsoo is, laughing, shyly taking Kyungsoo's hand into his. "Yeah you show me good loving. Make it alright. Need a little sweetness in my life."

Junmyeon then laces their fingers together, squeezes Kyungsoo's hand a little tighter, looks at him with a little more undisguised love and affection. "Sugar, yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me."

The last of the guitar chords slowly drift off, replaced by the loud applause from the people who have been watching them since earlier. Throwing caution to the wind, Junmyeon pulls Kyungsoo in for a warm embrace, a pleased sigh involuntarily escaping past his lips when Kyungsoo's arms immediately wrap themselves around him. It's been months since Junmyeon last felt contented like this and he doesn't ever want this feeling to go away.

"You are so embarrassing," Kyungsoo tells him, laughing against the junction where his neck and shoulder meet. "But that's okay, I still love you no matter what."

"Gross," Chanyeol says, wretching a little too loudly in the background. "Get a room, you two."

And so, that's exactly what they did.

Despite how tiny his apartment is, Junmyeon finds that it's nowhere near easy to maneuver their way towards his bedroom when Kyungsoo's practically attached to him, too busy trying to suck hickeys into the pale skin of his neck. Still, despite crashing into a few furnitures and knocking over quite a lot of picture frames in the process, they manage to reach the bed in one piece.

"Missed you so much," Kyungsoo mumbles. He leans forward and presses his lips hard against Junmyeon's, a little off-center. It's okay, though, because Junmyeon never has any problems cupping Kyungsoo's face and lining their lips up right. He smiles into the kiss, his lips guiding Kyungsoo’s until they’re pressing together perfectly, moving to a slow rhythm that only they can hear.

"Missed you too," Junmyeon replies on an exhale, words softly uttered between their lips. He didn't realize how much he'd actually missed Kyungsoo until he'd said it out loud and Junmyeon suddenly feels an overwhelming sense of happiness flood him. He leans forward again to catch Kyungsoo's lips in between his, sighing against Kyungsoo's mouth before he tilts his head at a better angle and kisses him deeper.

Junmyeon slides one of his hands up underneath Kyungsoo's shirt, fingers splaying over the warm, soft skin of his stomach. Hearing the slight hitch of Kyungsoo's breath spurs Junmyeon on, tells him that Kyungsoo wants this just as much as he does, so he doesn't stop, only ducks his head so he can trace his lips over Kyungsoo's jaw, sucking wet, hot kisses there.

He's just about ready to tug Kyungsoo's shirt off when Kyungsoo suddenly pulls away from him, a hand pushing against Junmyeon's chest. "Wait," he says. He sits up and Junmyeon quickly follows, feeling confused and worried at the same time.

"What is it?" Junmyeon asks. It's too quiet in the room with just the two of them and Junmyeon can almost hear the loud pounding of his heart in his ears.

Kyungsoo gives him a small smile. "Nothing." He then reaches out and cradles Junmyeon's face in his hand. "I just needed to take a moment to properly see your face, I guess." Junmyeon nuzzles his face against Kyungsoo's warm palm, making Kyungsoo laugh under his breath. "I really did miss you."

There's something in Kyungsoo's tone that suddenly unsettles Junmyeon. He can tell that Kyungsoo had tried his best to keep his voice neutral, though, because Kyungsoo's always been like that, always trying not to make Junmyeon worry and fret over him. But Junmyeon likes to think that he knows Kyungsoo well enough now to pick up any slight deviation from his usual tone, or expression, or even habit.

And when Junmyeon lifts his gaze to look at Kyungsoo again, that's when it really hits him.

"There's something wrong," Junmyeon plainly says. It's not even posed as a question anymore because, now, Junmyeon can clearly see the uneasiness playing at the corners of Kyungsoo's mouth.

Kyungsoo bites down on his lip at first, looking so worried and undecided. Junmyeon patiently waits for him to speak. "Junmyeon," Kyungsoo starts after a while, his name coming out like an exhausted sigh. "I'm really, really getting tired of us spending so much time apart."

"I know that, but we're here now right?" Junmyeon hurriedly says. He takes both of Kyungsoo's hands in his, holds onto them as tight as he can. "That's what matters-"

"There's a job, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon stops mid-sentence, surpised. "A job? What do you mean?"

"I was offered a permanent job at a music company in Los Angeles," Kyungsoo confesses, voice soft and hesitant. "I went through the interview on a whim because my professor recommended me and helped me with my papers. And then, earlier today, I got a call from them and they offered me a position, Junmyeon."

"Wow, that's great," Junmyeon says. He's a little shocked at the news, but Junmyeon knows how important this is for Kyungsoo, so he tries to put on a smile on his face. "Are you going to take it?"

Kyungsoo ducks his head and shrugs. "I'm not sure."

Junmyeon just wordlessly stares at Kyungsoo, his mind still reeling over the possibility that Kyungsoo might actually take on the job. He doesn't really know what to feel. Junmyeon's happy, sure; this is a rather big opportunity for Kyungsoo to finally do something that he really loves, right? But on the other hand-

"Wow," Junmyeon repeats. He shakes his head, a wry smile on his face.

His reaction prompts Kyungsoo to lay a hand on his shoulder and ask, "What is it?"

"I-nothing." Junmyeon shakes his head again, and lets a laugh, short and so, so dull, slip from his lips. "It's-it's just strange to me because just a second ago, you were telling me how it's so hard to be apart and that you're struggling in our situation. And then the next, you're suddenly bringing up this permanent job and it's like you're saying that we might be apart for a really long time."

"That's not what I meant," Kyungsoo hurriedly tries to assure him. "I mean, I'm still not sure if I'm going to take them up on their offer because you know my goal, Junmyeon. You know I've always wanted to be here with you. But this is such a big opportunity for me and I was hoping we could talk about it properly so we can decide on what to do."

For some reason, all his pent up frustration over everything-their unresolved issue about Kyungsoo getting drunk with Baekhyun, Junmyeon's worries and insecurities, the hundreds and thousands of miles separating them-just becomes too much to handle and Junmyeon finds himself exploding all of a sudden, "Yes, sure, let's talk about this huge bomb you just laid on me!" Junmyeon sighs and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "God. Kyungsoo, you didn't even tell me about your interview."

Junmyeon feels oddly satisfied at the guilt that immediately takes over Kyungsoo's features. "I didn't mean to keep it from you-"

"But you did, Kyungsoo. And-I don't know," Junmyeon says, sounding so tired and defeated. "I honestly don't know what to think about anymore."

"Junmyeon-"

Kyungsoo tries to reach for his hand but it's a little too late and his fingers only end up grasping nothing but thin air. Junmyeon finds himself out of his apartment before he knows it, Kyungsoo's voice ringing over and over and over again in his ears.

Junmyeon ends up drinking a little that night, but even the intoxicating effect of the alcohol can't really numb him of the heavy feeling in his chest. Eventually, he leaves the bar after only a few drinks and ends up walking round and round with no specific destination in mind.

He just needs to breathe. He needs to think and clear his head, take a few moments to himself so he can properly decide on what to do.

When Junmyeon finally thinks he's ready to face Kyungsoo again, however, he comes home to an empty apartment, no sign of Kyungsoo's presence in sight. While Junmyeon had considered this happening the moment he got out of the door earlier, it doesn't hurt any less when he actually finds himself alone after their argument. Taking a chance, Junmyeon grabs his phone from his pocket and checks if Kyungsoo had left him any messages.

He did.



Junmyeon carelessly flings himself on his bed, an arm thrown over his tightly shut eyes. He really fucked up so bad this time.

The next time they talk about it doesn't go as smoothly as Junmyeon had hoped. It's Kyungsoo's last day in Korea and Junmyeon is helping him pack his clothes for his flight tomorrow morning. Kyungsoo's halfway into stuffing one of his many black shirts into his bag when he just stops and sighs all of a sudden. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at him.

"I'm going back to LA tomorrow but we haven't actually figured things out yet," Kyungsoo says. "We need to make a decision soon, Junmyeon."

"I know that," Junmyeon sighs, "and we will."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Can't we just talk about it today?"

"We'll still have lots of time to-"

Kyungsoo balls his hands into tightly curled fists and Junmyeon can almost feel him shaking in barely contained frustration from where he's sitting. "Junmyeon-"

"Look, Kyungsoo, if you're really in a rush to make a decision, why don't you just come up with one yourself?" Junmyeon suddenly blurts out, already at his wits end himself. They really shouldn't be fighting like this again-this is Kyungsoo's last day and only God knows when they'll see each other again but, somehow, Junmyeon can't still stop himself from getting agitated over this conversation.

"Why is this all on me?" Kyungsoo angrily asks. "Why does everything seem to depend on whether or not I move to Korea?"

"Because you said so yourself-it's our plan-"

"What about you moving to Los Angeles? Have you even considered that option?"

"Yes!" Junmyeon all but exclaims. He breathes and tries to calm himself down. "Yes, I have, Kyungsoo. I've spent every single day fruitlessly trying to look for any desk jobs that I can find in LA for the last month. I've asked my friends and even called up a whole fucking lot of numbers to no avail. I really tried, Kyungsoo, but it's just impossible. There's nothing out there for me."

"So you're fine with the idea of me moving to Korea and doing odd part-time jobs here and there but you wouldn't even consider serving coffee or wiping down tables in Los Angeles." Kyungsoo scoffs, shaking his head. "You never really think about me, do you? It's all about what's convenient for you, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon doesn't respond, the words helplessly stuck in his throat. Kyungsoo, however, takes his silence as something else. "Fine," Kyungsoo says, "I'll just make the decision for both of us if that's what you want. Just leave it all on me."

Kyungsoo goes back to packing his clothes then and ignores every single one of Junmyeon's attempts to kiss and make up.

Junmyeon slumps even further on the couch, his phone held high over his head. He's been intently looking at it for quite some time now, as though his intense gaze can somehow will the little gadget to talk and advice him on what to do to fix his situation with Kyungsoo. It doesn't, of course, but it also doesn't deter Junmyeon's hope of that miraculously happening anytime soon.

"You look so pathetic, hyung," Jongdae bluntly tells him. As good a friend Jongdae is, sometimes, Junmyeon wishes he can just shut up and leave his nasty comments to himself. But, well, one cannot ask for the impossible when you're friends with someone like Kim Jongdae, it seems. "You've been sighing at yourself non-stop the whole day-I swear to God I'm going to kick you out if I hear you do that again."

Junmyeon momentarily averts his gaze from his phone just so he can raise an eyebrow at Jongdae. "This is my apartment, though."

"And your point?" Jongdae asks, throwing a raised brow at Junmyeon as well. "Hyung, you should know by now that petty details like that won't stop me."

Junmyeon groans because he does know that and he's really not in the mood to test Jongdae's patience right now. He flings his phone somewhere far, far away from him and shuts his eyes, feeling the dull pressure of an impending headache slowly build up behind his eyelids. "Why are you even here, Jongdae? I don't recall ever asking you to come to my apartment today to bother me."

"Wow, I'm terribly hurt that you just find my very comforting presence a bother, hyung," Jongdae dramatically says, feigning a wounded expression and clutching a hand on his chest for good measure. Junmyeon pays him no mind. "Anyway, jokes aside, I'm here because you obviously need someone to take your head out of your ass."

"What," Junmyeon just grunts out.

"Did something happen between you and Kyungsoo?" Jongdae directly asks, obviously finding it rather pointless to beat around the bush. Junmyeon freezes in his seat-he hadn't told his friends about the arguments he's been having with Kyungsoo lately. "Because Chanyeol noticed that you've been doing awful at work for the past few days. Told me you were also extra broody and irritable than usual, too. So I decided to come today to ask and see how you're really doing." Jongdae then grimaces. "But after hearing you sigh for the hundredth time today, I don't think I even need more convincing to believe that something's definitely wrong."

"It's just-my relationship with Kyungsoo..." Junmyeon trails off, sighing. He doesn't know how to continue. The words are quickly slipping away from his lips and Junmyeon is just left grasping at thin air as he tries to think of what to say.

"What happened?"

"I'm just so tired, Jongdae," Junmyeon finally says after a whole minute of silence. "I miss him. All the fucking time. It's so hard that we're always away from each other. It's so hard not being able to kiss him, or hug him, or even comfort him properly when he's feeling down because there are goddamn seas separating us apart and I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything but sit here and wish that things can be different. That I can see our future being more definite than this."

It's quiet for a little while, and Junmyeon hears himself softly panting to catch his breath. And then, Jongdae breaks the silence with, "Have you told him all of these?"

Junmyeon shakes his head. He buries his face in his hands, feeling so weak all of a sudden. Like all the fight just went out of him in one go. "I didn't. I don't want to sound so selfish, Jongdae," he admits. He doesn't want Kyungsoo to think that only Junmyeon gets to have a say in their relationship. "I'm so afraid of losing him."

"Even though you think it's selfishness on your part, you still need to let him know what you feel, hyung," Jongdae gently tells him. "Kyungsoo has a right to hear all of these straight from you because he's a part of this relationship, too."

Jongdae then hands Junmyeon his phone, determined. "Man up and call him. You two have to talk this out properly."

Junmyeon dials Kyungsoo's number and actually waits for it to ring this time, forcefully squashing the urge to put the phone down like what he did the last 3-4 times he tried (and failed) to call. His heart is racing, beating so hard against the bones of his ribcage like it's going to fly right out the second Junmyeon opens his mouth, and he finds it hard to breathe with every second that ticks by.

On the fifth ring, Kyungsoo finally picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Soo," Junmyeon answers. It's pretty loud in the background-Junmyeon can hear music and people laughing and bottles being clinked against each other. He presses the phone closer to his ear. "Are you out with your friends tonight? I can't really hear you properly."

"I'm with my coworkers!" Kyungsoo almost shouts. "Baekhyun decided to treat us because it's his last day at work tonight. Wait, I'll-"

"Is that Junmyeon? Tell him to stop making you sad and move over here already! If he doesn't want anyone else snatching you up, he better-"

"Shut the hell up, Baekhyun."

Junmyeon's face scrunches in confusion. He's about to ask what's going on when Kyungsoo's voice suddenly returns on the other line. Junmyeon notices that it's gotten considerably quieter, as well. "Hey, sorry about that. Baekhyun gets a lot noisier than usual when he's had a little too much to drink."

Junmyeon shakes his head, amused. "I'm not even there but I can already tell that he's really drunk."

Kyungsoo laughs. "Just a little bit, I think. His boyfriend's here to keep him in check so we're not really worried," Kyungsoo replies. Junmyeon isn't even given a second to process the fact that Baekhyun has a boyfriend because Kyungsoo just goes on and says, "Enough about me, though. How are you?"

"I'm okay," Junmyeon answers, "but I'll feel a little better if I can apologize to you properly for being such an ass the last time you were here."

"Hey-"

Junmyeon continues, not giving Kyungsoo a chance to tell him that it's fine, it already happened, we're okay-because it's definitely not okay, and it's about damn time for Junmyeon to own up to his mistakes. "Listen, I know you're on a deadline to make this decision about your job but you're right, Kyungsoo. You shouldn't be making these decisions alone and I want to help you. I want to do this together." Junmyeon heaves a sigh. "But I need to be honest with you, too."

"I want you in Korea, Kyungsoo," Junmyeon admits. "I want you and me living together. Here in Korea. I'll get us a place, somewhere that you'll love, a place that we can finally call our own. We can live in the city, buy a house that you can decorate however you want-maybe put up posters of music legends like the ones you have in your room." At this, Kyungsoo laughs but Junmyeon only continues, "Or we can live near the Han River and ride that tandem bike that you wanted to try before. Go on picnics whenever we want and take long, refreshing walks after work."

Junmyeon eventually stops and tries to catch his breath. He grips the phone tighter, clutching it closer to him. "I just want a real relationship with you, Kyungsoo. Because I love you, I really do. And I'm honestly so tired of missing you all the time."

His heart is still pounding so loud in his ears but, this time, Junmyeon feels like he can breathe a little better. Now more than ever, Junmyeon thinks they're finally heading somewhere definite in this relationship.

"I know this is probably a lot for you to take in but I just want you to know that I'm still open to whatever decision we'll end up with," Junmyeon reassures him. "I just want to be there and see you so we can figure things out together."

"I'd like that," Kyungsoo responds. His voice sounds a little shaky and Junmyeon really, really hopes that he didn't just make Kyungsoo cry with that speech.

"Okay," Junmyeon says. No one can mistake the obvious relief underlining his tone-so much different from how he sounded earlier. "I'll see you very soon."

Junmyeon ends the phone call with a click and goes to dream about his future life with Kyungsoo that night.

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