The update on the end of a toxic friendship
Well I have done it . I finally stood my ground ,and said everything I have been telling her for years WITHOUT pulling any punches. I dropped the gloves and let her have it. I SPELLED it all out for her.
I wrote my "friend" who is now and X friend a letter here it is.. I will remove any names that would indicate who this might be since it is a site that most anybody can look at. But from this you will see the series of lousy treat my X friend gave me.
And why this had to be the end.
*************************************************************************
The letter as follows:
X friend name here
I have had a lot of time to think about this.
I am going to put it to you as bluntly as I can.
I do NOT want you to contact me ever again.
If you want to know, the reasons are as follows: (if you want to know everything then read the ENTIRE letter)
-Any time I'm around you and other people, you put me down to make yourself look better. (You did this when we were teenagers to guys we'd meet... you would say "well at least my nose doesn't look broken", or "she beats guys up" (knowing FULL well how that would make me look), as well as always reminding me that the clothes I am in are YOUR old FAT clothes.
But because I thought you were my friend, I let it go.
-Told Guy 1 (KNOWING he'd tell guy2) I was pregnant with guy2’s kid and that I had lost it falling down stairs.....I talked with guy2 for HOURS AND HOURS and he never believed that I was NEVER pregnant and that it was YOU who was lying to Guy1...because Guy2 KNEW Guy1 would never lie to him on purpose.....even when I offered to take him to my doctor’s office, he STILL didn't believe me.
As mad as I was, it ruined Guy2’s and my relationship - but I STILL forgave you.
-You smacked TJ across the face during a gaming session for NO REASON...he had said a joke and you were in a super bitchy mood....
I HAVE never smacked my brothers across the face.
-I've heard you say that you've been on your own since you were 16, which isn't true. You have ALWAYS had help. And saying OUR lives were the same...THEY WEREN'T, you just never wanted to listen to quite reasonable rules.
-You have always acted like you were SOOOO much better than me with money...... when we both know damn well that you had been getting this and that from grandma for YEARS. As well as having guys pay for things for you (the tires for the SUV...I bet you still haven't paid that guy back).
-You would make me feel bad because I was having difficulty with my money - saying things like "I do not understand how you and Cameron never have any money, when I make less than you and I have some" (meanwhile, grandma gave you at least 300 bucks a month....every month.... or was paying your rent or both).
I turned the other cheek, partly because I felt bad for you because of your lack of education and I didn't want to undermine your self-esteem.
-I let you move in with Cameron and I in the West End. I believe you purposely left your journal opened on the coffee table to the page where it said, "I do not know what is wrong with the world, Lorna has a nice guy and is getting married and she is fat and ugly".
I cried my heart out, but never said a word. But AGAIN, turned the other cheek (even though I felt you left it out for CAMERON to see so he would take another look at you and ditch me).
-the three times I let you move in with us, each time you would say things to me like "nobody ever helps me out" meanwhile, half of the time we were supporting you because you were in a "need of help for some made up reason or another". Not all the bills and groceries got split every time...but you still got the benefit of all the services and food. It would take us months to recover the extra costs of you being there every time you moved in and left, but I never said anything because I didn't want you to feel bad.
I held my tongue because I didn't want to hurt you.
-because you SAID you were afraid for your life to be there, you asked me to help to move out from Guy4’s place when he wasn't home...You used me to help you move and when you did that, you had ME packing things that were HIS and not yours, so you basically made me steal for you!
I forgave you because I thought you were in physical danger and you weren't thinking straight. But did you notice that was the LAST time I helped you move out of somebody else’s place.
-You obviously lied about feeling like you were in physical danger because a week later, you had been spending nights out at his place... in the TOOLIES...away from any help....and when I approached you about it, your defense was that you were sleeping on the sofa... WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH how safe you are or aren't??
I forgave you because I thought you STILL weren't thinking straight.
-Then you move into the bsmt suite at my mom's. My mom - a lady who helped you 7 ways to Sunday...she looked at you like one of her children...and HOW do you thank her? You skip out on her, leaving her on the hook for the rent because YOU COULDN’T give 30 days notice (which I doubt you have ever done). I know you were renting from the landlord but you knew damn well since my mom helped you get the place, she wouldn't let the landlord suffer for it. Plus, because of that, my mom ended up having to pay the next month’s FULL rent because they hadn't had time to find a nice renter and my mom was leaving town for a month on holiday.
I forgave you because my mom told me not to let something between her and you interfere with you and I...even AGAINST my better judgement.
-I find out later that in order to justify skipping out on rent to the landlord, you told the landlord (who is a CO-WORKER of my mom's at her job in a HOSPITAL) that it was because Mom’s boarder was doing drugs...EVEN THOUGH you were dating somebody who smoked pot ALL the time, everywhere...Even driving the car he was stoned while you and your baby were both in the car. You also moved IN with him and let him baby-sit your kid when you were NOT HOME for over a year while he still smoked pot. Obviously, you didn't feel pot was as dangerous as you let on UNTIL it was convenient to you. If the landlord had told any of this to my mom's work..... YOU COULD HAVE COST MY MOM HER NURSING LICENSE OVER a stupid 175 DOLLARS!! which, truth be known, if you had just talked with my mom she would have GIVEN it to you to be paid back whenever!!!!!
EVEN though you made her CRY because you hurt her something wicked....after her taking you into her heart, I forgave you because of my mom again saying not to let it interfere. Tom HATES your guts because of you doing that and THAT is the real reason I knew he wouldn't fix your computer for you....I told you it was because he was busy with work to spare your feelings.
-You have attempted to usurp my friends and boyfriends...you've failed, but I've seen you try and watched your games.
You have hurt, ripped off, or both to every single person you have had any type of relationship with.....but I always forgave you.
But now...
Now this is different
After what you said yesterday about Friend1. You are lying and I KNOW damn well that you are out to fuck up his wedding. It is funny to me that you never mentioned this until TWO days after finding out he was getting married.
You wanted Friend1 for yourself. You wanted him to sit on a shelf and pine away for you…on hold just incase you didn’t get mister DREAM guy you could always fall back on good old Friend1. He isn't on a shelf and that PISSES YOU OFF. You wanted him to be lonely and desperate so IF you wanted him at any time you could have him. You think he absolutely could NOT be happy because he isn't with you.
Fact is, you have wanted to get back with Friend1 for YEARS and he has had ZERO interest in you what so ever. Knowing that I know that if there was the SLIGHTEST chance that your kid was HIS over guy3’s, I know damn well that you would have told Friend1 RIGHT AWAY.... simply because FRIEND1 WOULD have been there to help you the ENTIRE time, and so would his folks and his whole family…
It would have been a way for you to hook up with him again.. Not only those, but it makes no sense that a week ago you told me how wonderful guy3 thought you kid was and how he saw himself in your kid to only change it to "Guy3 was asking me how do I know he is mine we only had sex 5 times and once was unprotected" When you told me Guy3’s reaction last week he (according to you) had not said anything of the sort..why would he now?
Then you go and pop out with " oh wouldn’t it be funny if Friend1 was the dad"
I know he never had sex with you during the time your kid was conceived.....
SHIT, Friend1 doesn't even FLIRT with a girl if he knows she is with somebody... you were living with Guy3 would have been a BIG indicator you were together...... and I know even IF Friend1 was interested and he thought you had broken up , but you hadn't moved yet.... He would have waited until you were NOT living there anymore before doing anything simply because HE IS NOT an IDIOT!!
I have known Friedn1 for 20 yrs.
I have known you for 15 yrs.
HE has never lied to me.
YOU HAVE....repeatedly.
When I asked about where you would have had sex..... I said you couldn't have been in his sports car it was too small... then you said it happened in your SUV....here are the holes in that:
- Friend1 can not STAND your driving...even when you were dating, he wouldn't drive with you unless he absolutely HAD to
- His sports car was NEW he was driving everybody everywhere. He wouldn't have opted for your dog scented SUV
3. Friend1 likes his own music...he wouldn't have gone in the SUV and left his sweet sound system and tunes behind
4. Friend is SHY...he would never have done it in the DAY (which is when you said it happened because you said brunch at Wazzubees) in a vehicle that had WINDOWS all the way around. He is WAY too shy
You must really think I'm a fucking moron to believe that shit.
You are bitter and jealous because you are not getting married and quite honestly, you never will *if* you keep LYING to everybody who gives a shit about you.
Lying DOES include leaving shit out too...
If you DO land up getting married, it will never last if he can't trust you, or it will be a relationship that is all lies on both sides...poisoning you from the inside out.
You are an emotional Vampire
You drain everybody of everything they have any time you are around.
You need to smarten up.
Stop always trying to "work an angle".
Start telling the truth and not leaving shit out in order to manipulate people and situations.
Pay your own way (and that does not mean doing "the live with and leave" men with only half of their stuff, or milking roommates)
Take responsibility for your own actions...... You do not have a good job because YOU never did the work to get literate. EVEN when help was offered to you. Cameron, Tom, Friend1, my Mom, and myself had ALL offered to help you study and pass but you said no. You have had "getting GED" on your resume for 13 years and you have never even bought the BOOK!!
Nobody will pay somebody to work a desk of any kind (like the jobs you want) if they mix up the word "HEIGHTS" with the words "HIGH SCHOOL" or spell the word "SIT" like this "SITE".
You do not have any form of dyslexia...you have been tested and the results are negative..... stop looking for excuses. You are being lazy! You CAN read patterns no problem...because they are something YOU WANT TO DO. When you set your mind to it, you can be QUITE capable.
Stop making excuses.
Anything worth having is worth working for....if you expect to coast through life, then prepare yourself to have nothing.... the one thing you work at all the time for is your kid…he is WORTH having......he is a perfect example.....things that are of value are hard - usually the hardest to attain.
I have tried and tried and tried again to be a good friend to you...but you have just kept lying and manipulating me and my loved ones and I will not have it anymore......
This is one of the hardest things I have had to do, but to be rid of this BS it is worth it.
I am DONE with you and everything to do with you.
I did not phone you with this because I knew you would hang up before I got even half of it out.
I felt you needed to hear ALL of this.
After almost dying last year, I realized you have wasted so much of my time and energy and that is the MOST precious thing we have. As it is, I have been writing this letter for over 3 hours, so you can see that every word has been worked over and over.
You really need to get counseling and get your head together or you will be miserable for your entire life.
Good bye and good riddance
***Now after reading all of that I am sure you understand how I could be upset and why I had to do this. I am usually easy to forgive people…but when they are purposefully out to hurt somebody that is different.
I forgive, but I never forget.
I do try to learn from it…like if somebody shows up late all the time , telling them an earlier time, or just not asking that person to do anything that is time sensitive in anyway that kinda thing.
I know I am not without my faults, so I try to work with other people’s but this was just too much.
I find out she called 2 nights ago (I had sent this letter on the 30th of Jan) She called and said to Cameron (I wasn’t home) "I just thought I would call to let Lorna know that My grandfather wasn’t doing to good, and that because of all the gifts they have given her over the years that she might want to know."
WHAT THE HELL
She forgets that EVERY time her grandma did give me something it was "grocery cards"and it was only when SHE was living with us and SHE got the benefit of the groceries bought. Not only that but her grandma even wrote on the cards that she send the grocery card in "thank you for taking care of Xfriend"
Even her Grandmother knew she was a leech. I would call and tell her grandmother the stunts she has been pulling… but her Grandmother is a SWEET, SWEET, SWEET lady and she is really old, and IF her husband isn’t doing well (which I only half believe I think it might have been a way to remind me about getting stuff from her grandma) I wouldn’t want to burden her with the fact that her grand daughter is an evil, self-serving twit. That and the whole family are probably being fiscal vultures and circling already, is sad in itself.
What I did do was sent her and email to let her know I was thinking of them and praying for them. That way I’m not running to them and being lumped in with the vultures, but I am letting them know I care and I’m thinking of them.
How sad is it that she stoops to using her grandparents kindness as a way to attemp to guilt me. She didn't even have anything that she has done that was nice to me to come back with. I know darn well if her grandma knew she was pulling this crap on me she would kick her butt...if grandma wasn't two days less than a million years old.
So that is the update of that. I think I did the right thing.