I hate me.... so lets talk about you
Well I am totally feeling utterly lousy about myself again.
I thought I had chained that little bugger, “self loathing” to the wall (still there in my mind, but not in controlling or driving my thoughts).
I had started to feel so good, getting out, and doing things. Even the occasional, “I look nice today” has crept in here and there.
BUT the freak is slippery, and got out He is now driving my mind around all amok…working at pin pointing every thing wrong with me and obsessing over it.
HOWEVER I am not going to ramble on about the ways I hate myself and the various inadequacies that I possess.
Instead I’m going to make a list of some of the people I know and at least one thing about them I admire, appreciate, or love about that person, or are things I would like to strive for (if possible)
Do not be offended if you aren’t on here…
My brain is not working at it peek at all…(remember head injury hehehe)
Plus many of the people I have made friends with lately I’m STILL getting to know. So I would not feel I would not do them justice by just taking a “stab” at it.
Also do not be offended if I didn’t put EVERY good quality you have (for those of you on here)…I mean if I listed everybody’s good qualities we would be here all day .
SO to get the ball rolling start with my family
Cameron (Hubby): I wish I could have his ability to be assertive, and his immense inner strength that does not make him cower from any confrontation. I also wish I had his energy and ability to just be himself and damned what anybody else thinks. I wish I had more of his passion too and his self-esteem, he always is so together.
Sadie (daughter): I’d love to have her energy and the brightness. It just beams from her as well as her enthusiasm for even the most mundane activities.
Nigel (son): I’d love to have his happy eyes, his ability to get TOTALLY wrapped up in whatever he is doing. His hugs too that are like a gigantic cuddle from a grizzly (friendly one) his ability to go up to anybody in his peer group and say “Hi I’m Nigel what’s your name?”
Mom: I admire her ability to raise us three kids pretty much on her own with very little or no help. I admire her ability to be there for people even if they are thankless and not always nice to her. I am thankful and marvel at the sacrifices she has made and still makes. She has always tried her very best in anything she has ever tried. I could go on forever on here about my mom…. But English seems like such a small language to put so much into words.
Tom (Brother): I wish I had HALF of his brains and ability to fix things he is also a good listener, and a good teacher (if he is trying to show you how to do something he isn’t a teacher as a profession...although I think he could be). He is amazingly logical. He seems to excel at anything he has ever tried to do (other than sports) He has gone outside his comfort zone many times and over come his fears, which is something I need to do, but I’m too afraid.
Mellissa/Elspeth (friend): I would love to have her ability to be fun, sexy and flirty while still being a lady doing it. I would also like her ability to be assertive, and her eloquence and grace. I admire her patience and her ability to keep it together on the outside when having a freak out inside (going up in court and such). I admire her archery skills as well.
Guy friend “R.L”(doesn’t like name used on Internet): I would love his ability to speak whatever is on his mind, WITHOUT beating around the bush at all. Also his ability to be himself no matter what. Take him or leave him, you get what you get, like it or not, he doesn’t care if you like, love or hate him, he is true to his nature.
Marion/Johanna (friend): I envy her eclectic nature, her frankness, her ability to just be herself, knowing WHO “herself” is as well as her knowledge, her creative abilities in so many different things (I do not even know all of them yet), and her energy
Rodney (friend): I’d love his ability to listen, and be concise about how he speaks. He chooses his words very carefully I have never heard him say something he didn’t mean (as far as I know) I also would like his ability and knowledge of computer stuff and his ability to manipulate pics in Corel paint, I like his patience with most people as well.
Mama/Sofia (friend): I love her ability to get so much respect and loyalty from people without ever asking for it. I also love her creative abilities in sewing and all things A&S. I love her accent too and sense of humor
Alex/Symon: I admire his helpfulness, and all the info he has about the SCA and how he is always around to lend a hand. or answer any question. I admire his archery skills and knowledge as well
Angela/Alora (friend): I love her SOOTHING voice, and her healing ablities, her friendly, good hearted, and helpful nature. Her ability to play a male characters in D&D beleiveibly. Her ablitiy for backrubs, she has SUCH a calming way about her.. I doubt I could ever be stresed for any length of time around her. Her givng nature and her beauty. I also evny her body I wish mine looked like that.
Stacey (friend): I’d love her cooking ablities, her happy face, pretty eyes, her creative ablities with writing, and her imagination in DM’ing. How she is not swayed by what everybody else watches or does around her even if it means not getting the cultural refferances all the time. I also admire her assertiveness too.
Suzie (friend):I envy the way she looks, she has such and exotic way about her and she is nice and thin.. She has a zany personality and fun loving way about her. I love the way her voice gets all high pitched and funny sounding when she is excited about something. She is a good listener too.
Darryl (friend):I evny his “togetherness , he always is soo together, always clean and neat apperance, his place is the same way, he is SOOOO organized and tidy I so envy that. He also is doing a job he actually went to art school for..I wish I was doing work like that.
Dudley: He has and amazing drive he taught himself how to make music, no lessons or anything , also how to do awesome computer graphics.. all on his own his drive amazes me.
Travis (friend): I envy that he seems to know something about everything…(now not one of those guys who ACT like they know stuff… he actually KNOWS stuff.) He has a detrimation to get things done, when he sets his sights on it….sometimes things that most people wouldn’t ever complete. He is a good listener as well a other quality I wish I was better at.
Danni/Aine: If I had half of her energy…I would get sooo much done…. She is so vivacious. I think she looks like an amazon, I wish I had her stature. Her eyes are a colour I’ve never seen before they fascinate me.
Haley/Ayme: I evny her artistic ablity, it just blows me way. I evny her prety face and sparkling eyes, how I have never heard her say a bad word about anybody, that is a gift. Her get up and go how she never seems afraid to try ANYTHING. Also I evny her ablity to be comfortable in her own skin, at least that is how she cariies herself.
Well I have been writing this blog all day…and I have to stop sometime I keep trying to proof read it and spell check it and I keep ADDING… I must end it.
Maybe I’ll do another one of these later…
I know I didn’t get half of how wonderful everybody is, or even half of the wonderful people I know. But I figured it was a darn site better than boring everybody with how I loathe myself.
I thought I had chained that little bugger, “self loathing” to the wall (still there in my mind, but not in controlling or driving my thoughts).
I had started to feel so good, getting out, and doing things. Even the occasional, “I look nice today” has crept in here and there.
BUT the freak is slippery, and got out He is now driving my mind around all amok…working at pin pointing every thing wrong with me and obsessing over it.
HOWEVER I am not going to ramble on about the ways I hate myself and the various inadequacies that I possess.
Instead I’m going to make a list of some of the people I know and at least one thing about them I admire, appreciate, or love about that person, or are things I would like to strive for (if possible)
Do not be offended if you aren’t on here…
My brain is not working at it peek at all…(remember head injury hehehe)
Plus many of the people I have made friends with lately I’m STILL getting to know. So I would not feel I would not do them justice by just taking a “stab” at it.
Also do not be offended if I didn’t put EVERY good quality you have (for those of you on here)…I mean if I listed everybody’s good qualities we would be here all day .
SO to get the ball rolling start with my family
Cameron (Hubby): I wish I could have his ability to be assertive, and his immense inner strength that does not make him cower from any confrontation. I also wish I had his energy and ability to just be himself and damned what anybody else thinks. I wish I had more of his passion too and his self-esteem, he always is so together.
Sadie (daughter): I’d love to have her energy and the brightness. It just beams from her as well as her enthusiasm for even the most mundane activities.
Nigel (son): I’d love to have his happy eyes, his ability to get TOTALLY wrapped up in whatever he is doing. His hugs too that are like a gigantic cuddle from a grizzly (friendly one) his ability to go up to anybody in his peer group and say “Hi I’m Nigel what’s your name?”
Mom: I admire her ability to raise us three kids pretty much on her own with very little or no help. I admire her ability to be there for people even if they are thankless and not always nice to her. I am thankful and marvel at the sacrifices she has made and still makes. She has always tried her very best in anything she has ever tried. I could go on forever on here about my mom…. But English seems like such a small language to put so much into words.
Tom (Brother): I wish I had HALF of his brains and ability to fix things he is also a good listener, and a good teacher (if he is trying to show you how to do something he isn’t a teacher as a profession...although I think he could be). He is amazingly logical. He seems to excel at anything he has ever tried to do (other than sports) He has gone outside his comfort zone many times and over come his fears, which is something I need to do, but I’m too afraid.
Mellissa/Elspeth (friend): I would love to have her ability to be fun, sexy and flirty while still being a lady doing it. I would also like her ability to be assertive, and her eloquence and grace. I admire her patience and her ability to keep it together on the outside when having a freak out inside (going up in court and such). I admire her archery skills as well.
Guy friend “R.L”(doesn’t like name used on Internet): I would love his ability to speak whatever is on his mind, WITHOUT beating around the bush at all. Also his ability to be himself no matter what. Take him or leave him, you get what you get, like it or not, he doesn’t care if you like, love or hate him, he is true to his nature.
Marion/Johanna (friend): I envy her eclectic nature, her frankness, her ability to just be herself, knowing WHO “herself” is as well as her knowledge, her creative abilities in so many different things (I do not even know all of them yet), and her energy
Rodney (friend): I’d love his ability to listen, and be concise about how he speaks. He chooses his words very carefully I have never heard him say something he didn’t mean (as far as I know) I also would like his ability and knowledge of computer stuff and his ability to manipulate pics in Corel paint, I like his patience with most people as well.
Mama/Sofia (friend): I love her ability to get so much respect and loyalty from people without ever asking for it. I also love her creative abilities in sewing and all things A&S. I love her accent too and sense of humor
Alex/Symon: I admire his helpfulness, and all the info he has about the SCA and how he is always around to lend a hand. or answer any question. I admire his archery skills and knowledge as well
Angela/Alora (friend): I love her SOOTHING voice, and her healing ablities, her friendly, good hearted, and helpful nature. Her ability to play a male characters in D&D beleiveibly. Her ablitiy for backrubs, she has SUCH a calming way about her.. I doubt I could ever be stresed for any length of time around her. Her givng nature and her beauty. I also evny her body I wish mine looked like that.
Stacey (friend): I’d love her cooking ablities, her happy face, pretty eyes, her creative ablities with writing, and her imagination in DM’ing. How she is not swayed by what everybody else watches or does around her even if it means not getting the cultural refferances all the time. I also admire her assertiveness too.
Suzie (friend):I envy the way she looks, she has such and exotic way about her and she is nice and thin.. She has a zany personality and fun loving way about her. I love the way her voice gets all high pitched and funny sounding when she is excited about something. She is a good listener too.
Darryl (friend):I evny his “togetherness , he always is soo together, always clean and neat apperance, his place is the same way, he is SOOOO organized and tidy I so envy that. He also is doing a job he actually went to art school for..I wish I was doing work like that.
Dudley: He has and amazing drive he taught himself how to make music, no lessons or anything , also how to do awesome computer graphics.. all on his own his drive amazes me.
Travis (friend): I envy that he seems to know something about everything…(now not one of those guys who ACT like they know stuff… he actually KNOWS stuff.) He has a detrimation to get things done, when he sets his sights on it….sometimes things that most people wouldn’t ever complete. He is a good listener as well a other quality I wish I was better at.
Danni/Aine: If I had half of her energy…I would get sooo much done…. She is so vivacious. I think she looks like an amazon, I wish I had her stature. Her eyes are a colour I’ve never seen before they fascinate me.
Haley/Ayme: I evny her artistic ablity, it just blows me way. I evny her prety face and sparkling eyes, how I have never heard her say a bad word about anybody, that is a gift. Her get up and go how she never seems afraid to try ANYTHING. Also I evny her ablity to be comfortable in her own skin, at least that is how she cariies herself.
Well I have been writing this blog all day…and I have to stop sometime I keep trying to proof read it and spell check it and I keep ADDING… I must end it.
Maybe I’ll do another one of these later…
I know I didn’t get half of how wonderful everybody is, or even half of the wonderful people I know. But I figured it was a darn site better than boring everybody with how I loathe myself.