ahhh..... waiting
i guess i will just have to wait to see how things will turn out i like surprises but i hate waiting it all feels right and good and special but then there is always my worry in the back of my head... i hate not being able to control it that overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and that feeling that i wont be good enough i think trying to supress the feelings makes them worse there is one that is out in the open that i feel like i may be a disappointment even tho i was told that there is a .001% chance i could be that it still is there in my head it would be awesome if i could just shut of my brain for a little while get rid of all the worries and the problems and just be happy i am actually very happy with the way things are going but i also always worry i suppose it would be a bad thing for me to stop worrying because then i think i would stop caring n then i would just make the same mistakes as my mom and i dont want to do that but there is also the conflicting feeling that everything will be fine and that is how he makes me feel when i talk to hi but when i dont is when the doubt creeps back up i suppose i need to try to just relax and go with the flow i need to just try to let myself be happy for once but that is easier said than done i think i will come to find that the wait was completely worth it
excuse the rant just a whole lot of thoughts that never go away but i do feel a bit better now
so i finished the winter semester n i definately i did not do as well as i had hoped but oh well i passed and that is all i really needed no i have one summer class it is really gay cuz it is 16 weeks but the way i figured it out it should not interfere with any of the plans i have for this summer but i have to take it because it will get me into my program faster which is really good i regret taking time of after high school buthey there is nothing i can do about it now
workwise... i decided not to go to overnight because i had no guaranttee that i could go back to days if it wasnt workin with school so screw that school comes first so now i am full time in my dept. which is tool rental we have 2 new guys and i swear to god they could not possibly have hired us to lazier slower more annoying people if they tried the both complain about everything they complain about stuff at work and outside of work and one complains about the same thing over n over n over again n i just want to throw something at him the other one is just old prolly about 65 or so has no idea what he is doing and is afraid of the computers n not to mention he is slow as hell at everything and i got told by my boss that i have to be more sensitive with the guy cuz i almost made him cry ok that was not my fault the guy was complaining about being left alone on his first day but what he called his "first day" was actually his third n it bothered me that he was complaining about it because on my actual first day my first day at woodhaven and in tool rental i was left alone for an hour to cover my bosses lunch n oh yeah it was on a holiday it was on memorial day so we were busy and i told him that n he took it all bad n freaked out n my boss talked to me and said that i need to be more sensitive with him n that i need to not talk about when i started with him i think the guy just needs to suck it up but hey thats just me i guess i am just an asshole
anyways i think i will start doin some stuff around the house or something so i bid farewell to livejournal prolly for another month or so lol
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excuse the rant just a whole lot of thoughts that never go away but i do feel a bit better now
so i finished the winter semester n i definately i did not do as well as i had hoped but oh well i passed and that is all i really needed no i have one summer class it is really gay cuz it is 16 weeks but the way i figured it out it should not interfere with any of the plans i have for this summer but i have to take it because it will get me into my program faster which is really good i regret taking time of after high school buthey there is nothing i can do about it now
workwise... i decided not to go to overnight because i had no guaranttee that i could go back to days if it wasnt workin with school so screw that school comes first so now i am full time in my dept. which is tool rental we have 2 new guys and i swear to god they could not possibly have hired us to lazier slower more annoying people if they tried the both complain about everything they complain about stuff at work and outside of work and one complains about the same thing over n over n over again n i just want to throw something at him the other one is just old prolly about 65 or so has no idea what he is doing and is afraid of the computers n not to mention he is slow as hell at everything and i got told by my boss that i have to be more sensitive with the guy cuz i almost made him cry ok that was not my fault the guy was complaining about being left alone on his first day but what he called his "first day" was actually his third n it bothered me that he was complaining about it because on my actual first day my first day at woodhaven and in tool rental i was left alone for an hour to cover my bosses lunch n oh yeah it was on a holiday it was on memorial day so we were busy and i told him that n he took it all bad n freaked out n my boss talked to me and said that i need to be more sensitive with him n that i need to not talk about when i started with him i think the guy just needs to suck it up but hey thats just me i guess i am just an asshole
anyways i think i will start doin some stuff around the house or something so i bid farewell to livejournal prolly for another month or so lol
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