Grawrg

[xx_devi_xx]

Well, I didn't get kidnapped by Nikki or Greg last night, or tonight for that matter, so me and Nikki are planning for tommorrow, and she has to work so tonight would not have worked, she said I should just go and hang out with Morgan, I didn't think that was such a good idea, I don't want to go hang out with him without either Nikki or Amanda, 'cause he'll get me, he don't take no for an answer, and I'm to horny to say no for long, >.>, so yeah, they protect me from myself, and Greg wants to know if I want to hook up with him again, I laughed when Nikki told me this, I don't know if I should or shouldn't, I really don't want to have meaningless sex anymore, I want the emotion to be there, even though I know it never will be, I can still hope yes? I like Greg though, he's pretty cute, he smells good, he's a good kisser, yeah, but I know he doesn't give a flying fuck about me, the only guy that I think almost cared about me was Brennen, but he sure as shit doesn't care anymore, so yeah, I'm just a bundle of gloomy teenaged pessimistic crap, I really wish that I weren't, 'cause it makes me all stereo-typish, but I am, and that sucks, my neck is killing me, my mom just got up, I feel dirty, not in the sexual way, but in the physical like I need to shower again way, I know its just because of the dream I had last night. It started with my mom's ex boyfriend Chris, whom is an asshole and deserves to DIE AND BURN IN HELL!! Anyway, in the dream (It works backwards, which doesn't happen often with me) he had kiddnapped me, he had me in some, I dunno, like a warehouse, it might've been, it was dark though, and he raped me, beat me, tortured me, and then he went and got some people, I'm not sure who they were, but he killed them and made me gut and clean them, then finally after a couple of weeks he finally just strangles me, that was last nights dream, then when I was sleeping this afternoon, and this is where it works backwards, and this part is a little fuzzy, I think he's talking to me, but I can't understand him nor can I see him, everything is dark and fuzzy and I feel like I'm floating, so I was obviously drugged, and that went on for a little while, then Nikki called and I woke up, so yeah, I'm a little scared right now 'cause I think my mom and Chris are back together, and if thats the case, so help me God, I WILL kill myself, and I won't fuck around with it anymore, I CANNOT deal with him, he is a psychopath, he's probably as bad if not worse then Marlon, and if thats the case, God save us both. . .

- The ice is thin come on dive in underneath my lucid skin, the cold is lost, forgotten. Hours pass days pass time stands still, light gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart forbidden... I think you worried for me then, the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know
you liked the show, tied down to this bed of shame you tried to move around the pain but oh
your soul is anchored. The only comfort is the moving of the river, you enter into me, a lie upon your lips, offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get, only a fool's here... -