Fanfiction: If Only For A Moment - L/J Oneshot - pt.1
Title: In Only For A Moment
Author:
xx_butterflaii
Characters/Pairing: Lily/James (and a surprise)
Rating: PG-13, just to be on the safe side.
Category: Angst, Romance, Fluff
Spoilers: Please, you must have read Deathly Hallows before this, or it will be spoiler!doom.
Summary: Oneshot. AU. [ postDH ] 'Patronuses are affected by the ones you love.' One stag, two does, three people entwined. What will they do now?
A/N: Don't kill me please. And I do not own these characters - JKR does. And warning: This is an extremely long fic. Click for ff.net link.
If Only For A Moment
Lily Evans stumbled through the corridor as she rushed to class, haphazardly running a brush through her hair while she tried to keep a grip on her messenger bag on her way down the main staircase. Cursing inwardly, she ripped her bag open as she flew down the last steps into the Transfiguration courtyard, cutting directly across it as she shoved her brush into the dark recesses of her bag. Tripping on the step up from the courtyard, she raced down the hall, through a set of double doors, and up the winding staircase past several portraits who looked extremely surprised to see a student - much less the Head Girl - who, by all appearances, looked like she was trying to outrun a hideous monster hot on her heels. And what a monster it was.
Damn the time! Lily thought frantically as she threw open another set of doors and raced down the last stretch to her destination. Of all the days to be late! Should have set my alarm, but then again, I never knew I could ever - Merlin, I hope the Professor won’t be too -
She burst through the last door into the classroom, halting as roughly two dozen pairs of eyes whipped around to stare at her in surprise as the door banged against the wall. For two seconds nobody moved; Lily was sure she was a sight to behold, her hair still messy after using her brush, her face and neck red with her mouth open, panting because of the run, and one hand still on the door, as if to brace herself against it.
“Ah, Miss Evans,” a rough - though not unkind - voice cut through the silence. “So glad you could join our Defence Against the Dark Arts class today.”
Lily’s face turned redder than before, although this time it wasn’t because of physical exertion. She dropped her hand and looked up at the Professor who was standing in front of the class. His wand was directed at the board as if he was about to magick instructions on it. He held a copy of their textbook flipped open in his other hand, although when Lily turned to face him he had let it drop back on his desk. His face seemed emotionless, although Lily thought - hoped, really - that there appeared to be a slight sparkle of humour in his eyes.
“Well, Miss Evans? Have you an excuse for tardiness?” he asked in his rough voice, interrupting what sounded like snickers coming from the Slytherin side of the room.
“No, Professor Scarbrough,” Lily murmured, dropping her head to look at the floor in a gesture of demureness. “I woke up late today from a late night of studying. I’m sorry.”
Professor Scarbrough looked over Lily with an air of slight disapproval, although if anyone knew him better, they would have said that he seemed to be scrutinising her form in a pleased sort of way. Although being observant was all part of the job description if one wanted to survive in anything related to the Dark Arts, Scarbrough was a little bit more observant of those of the opposite sex - not that he was a pervert of course. He saw through Lily’s act of shyness to the fiery, vivacious girl - No, woman, he corrected himself - that existed in very rare times during the school year.
He knew she was not the ‘bookworm’ image she seemed to exude; Lily Evans was strong and passionate, and would dedicate her life to things she considered important. For example, homework was considered one of her priorities in the present, thus supporting her studious demeanour. But she also, the Professor knew, valued love and honesty, among other things. She never lied, even if the odds were not in her favour; she never had found any reason to be worth dishonesty. And he knew Lily was also quite popular - the sort of popular that had to do with quiet generosity and a good heart. She treated the people she considered important with undying love, although at school that seemed to only be a small, small handful - really, her only close friend Mary MacDonald.
Although Lily never was very close to the girl until recently, the Professor had seen her comforting the ever self-confidence-lacking Mary the past six and a half years, cheering her up whenever she had received a ‘Poor’ on a test, or if a Slytherin had made another jab at her Creaothceann-loving father. This wasn’t to say that Lily favoured only those close to her with love - he saw that her love encompassed everyone she encountered, even the Slytherins. He knew for a fact (through faculty gossip, anyway) that a certain Slytherin seventh-year and Lily Evans had been quite close during their beginning years at Hogwarts, but for some reason had broken off their friendship near the end of their fifth year. She seemed to be able to love anyone, no matter where they came from, their House, their blood, or their past, shown through the fact that she was still nice to the boy, greeting him in the hallways between classes and other times she bumped into him.
She’s the sort of person we need more of, nowadays, he thought as he watched her shift uncomfortably under his gaze. He allowed himself a small, inconspicuous smile before nodding to the Head Girl. She raised her face again and Scarbrough watched her dark red tresses slide smooth across the shoulders of her robes.
“Take a seat, and make sure it doesn’t happen again,” Professor Scarbrough said, turning around to swish his wand at the blackboard. As he turned back to his students again and started the lecture off with the noises of shuffling parchment and scribbling quills quivering through the air, he could not help notice the earnest, deep green eyes of Lily Evans staring up at him and the board as she hurriedly dipped her quill into her inkwell and started taking notes.
Simply lovely, Scarbrough thought before shaking his head at himself. Here you are thinking about a young girl not even out of school! She hasn’t enough experience for you. And with that, Lily Evans was out of the professor’s mind, replaced with the material for today’s class.
“Today we’re in for a special treat,” Professor Scarbrough announced as he flicked imaginary lint off the front of his robes and glanced up to assess his class. The Slytherins and Gryffindors were unfortunately placed together in this class for their last year in Hogwarts, and the usual ruckus that followed erupted in almost every class. Thankfully, Lily’s late arrival seemed to have put off any efforts to disrupt class time, but just as he thought that, a tiny paper bird soared past his head and into the blackboard.
Grumbling in his head, Professor Scarbrough raised his eyebrow at the crumpled bird’s form under his desk before looking up to see if he could spot the culprit. He - or they - weren’t that hard to pinpoint: two Gryffindor boys sitting in the back of the classroom had wide grins on their faces, their attention concentrated solely on Professor Scarbrough.
I should have known, the Professor thought to himself as he made his way to their desks.
“Mr. Potter and Mr. Black,” Professor Scarbrough greeted when he reached his destination. “How nice of you to let us experience the flight of your pet paper bird.”
Both grinned up at him from their seats. James Potter was leaning on his desk, elbow propped up and chin resting in his hand, dark hair as messy as usual. His glasses lay slightly askew on his nose and his hazel eyes glimmered up at the Professor. Sirius Black, on the other hand, was leaning back in his chair, its back legs the only thing supporting him, and his hands behind his head. His grey eyes and wide grin matched the mischievousness in Potter’s, although this boy’s dark hair fell into his eyes and had acquired a sort of roguish, lazy attractiveness. Not to say Potter wasn’t attractive - he certainly had something - but not enough to compete with his best friend. Leaders of their little ring of friends, Potter and Black were inseparable - if one caught them away from each other without a teacher’s interference, something suspicious was definitely happening.
In spite of their late night wanderings and various pranks - although few and far between, they still were very big and very loud, and were usually focused on an entire House or more worth of students - the Marauders, as they liked to call themselves, achieved good marks and stayed near the top ten percentage of their year. Remus Lupin, of course, being a quiet, intelligent boy, was most likely behind their otherwise shocking good marks. A Prefect, Lupin was an extremely talented student, especially in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Scarbrough rarely came across a student so passionate and determined about Defence, and Lupin was one of them. Scarbrough had foreseen a very bright future for the boy, had it not been for the fact that Lupin was a werewolf. Many of the professors seemed to agree; they all knew he would lead a hard life. Peter Pettigrew, the last of their little group, was obviously not the shiniest wand in the shop, but was passing with fairly good marks, no doubt as well from the help of his friends. A likeable boy, if a little more gullible and slow on the uptake, Pettigrew added the last piece to the Marauder’s puzzle - the ever loyal, ever helpful follower.
Of course, as soon as the boys had seen him coming, they had glued on their best smiles to discourage any disciplinary action. A great difference to the redheaded girl who had stood there moments before, not looking him in the eye and apologising sincerely! Insolent as the two were, the Professor refrained from berating them, as any other teacher would have done by now, but instead stared at them in a silent question.
“Oh, well, we thought it would be a wonderful experience for the entire class!” Sirius revealed, his mischievous and relaxed expression still in place.
“Yes,” his best friend agreed, “No one ever knows if the other side can conjure up fire-breathing paper dragons out of a piece of parchment. It would be an extremely good use of low resources, and an unexpected form of attack to boot.”
“Well,” Professor Scarbrough said, after processing their ‘excuse’ and finding himself without a comment, “It seems extremely coincidental that the disturbances during class today were made by both the Head students.”
At this, Lily, who had been too busy scribbling down what was on the board to notice what was going on, shot her head up to look, surprised, at James. He noticed her gaze and glanced at her, throwing a devastating grin her way before turning back to the Professor. Unbeknownst to both him and Lily, the flush that had disappeared from time in class reappeared on her cheeks, sprinkling her cheeks a soft, rosy colour.
From the other side of the room, contemptuous silence exuded from the students dressed in robes marked with the green emblem of Slytherin. But one certain Slytherin seemed to have his gaze fixed on one particular Gryffindor. His dark eyes never straying, he watched the exchange between James and Lily, unable to prevent slight evidence of an ill disguised cross between a sneer and grimace from finding its way on to his face. As he eyed Lily’s blush and James’s messy hair, his eyes seemed to flash before his face retreated behind a curtain of black, oily hair.
Severus Snape bit the inside of his cheek until he could taste the coppery trickle of blood on his tongue. Watching them during class was maddening - being unable to prevent anything was even more infuriating. Worst of all was how they had been paired this year as both Head students. He had to sit idly and watch as they spent more and more time with each other, getting to know each other in private. It was all he could do not to think about what they might be doing behind closed doors.
He turned away from the scene in disgust, muttering to himself in his head. No one ever wondered why he had taken an early liking to the Dark Arts. They had no idea why many of his spells had to do with mutilating bodily parts, or causing deliberate pain to the victim. He had to try out spells he created on something, didn’t he? Potions was one of his fortes as well: they were extremely handy in hiding evidence. There were a few animals in the Forest that would never be the same again - but no matter. It was all in the name of discovery, anyway…
When news of his abilities found their way to a certain group of his fellow housemates, they were quick to invite him into a particular circle. Mulciber had approached him one evening in the common room while he had been working on Transfiguration homework - he could remember everything said in the conversation. An elite circle, one that could get him places. Help him gain power…
And that was that. He had accepted the invitation, had walked into their ranks with no qualms… until a few months later. Lily had found out, and instead of congratulating him as he thought she’d do, she had looked upon him with shock and dismay. She had disliked the people he had found a place among. He hadn’t understood at the time, had continued to participate in the group, hoping Lily would turn around and realise that this situation wasn’t a bad one. But she never did.
Severus could almost kick himself. That incident in fifth year had never ceased to haunt him at all hours of the day. He had been caught unawares by the spell, and humiliated in front of half the school. He had seen some Slytherins in the crowd - and they hadn’t even bothered to help him, hadn’t made a move to save him from his embarrassment. Then he saw Lily coming towards him, and that familiar emotion swelled up in him. She had yelled at Potter for what he had done, but to no avail. And, unable to see through the haze of anger - or was it because all his blood had rushed to his head? - he had called out the dirtiest word he could have possibly pulled out of thin air at that moment.
Mudblood.
Severus had always wanted to take that statement back, since the moment it had escaped his lips. No one had ever suspected that he and Lily were friends - best friends - and after that incident, no one ever would. Lily had been so hurt and confused, and that had been the end of their friendship. The end of his - perhaps - only chance to ever acquire what he had wanted the most. All he had managed to prove was that he was as “lowdown” and “dirty” as any other Slytherin.
But Severus had finally retreated back to the little elite circle. For what else was there for him? He had no Lily to turn to anymore, and he sure as hell couldn’t rely on his good-for-nothing family. And after the little spat, he had thrown all his efforts into the circle, gaining trust and connections with everyone, even outside of Hogwarts walls. He knew what would happen after his graduation. He knew he probably would never talk to that person ever again. The students had just returned from Christmas holidays, and its end only further emphasised the five months left of opportunities for sly glances, gazes, and following of that particular desire he had never been able to capture.
Severus was shaken out of his thoughts when the professor finally moved away from Potter and Black to the front of the classroom. Severus would never allow himself a poor grade on anything he received at Hogwarts.
“Well, thank you again, Mr, Potter, Mr. Black,” Professor Scarbrough said, nodding at both the students, who grinned back. “Now, if we could finally move on to the lesson for today?”
Everyone’s attention snapped back to the front of the room, several quills stood poised and ready over parchment. Lily had recomposed herself, and was once again as studious as before. James and Sirius had not changed positions, but they seemed to be having a non-verbal conversation with Remus and Peter the next table over. Rolling his eyes, the professor smiled inwardly as he thought of the perfect way to recapture their attention.
“As I was trying to announce earlier, today we’ll be learning a bit of advanced magic.”
Two pairs of mildly interested gazes flickered towards him. Triumphant, the professor continued with a bit of a flourish, “I am going to teach you the art of the Patronus Charm.”
Lily squealed softly and her eyes shone in anticipation at the prospect of learning something as potentially powerful as a Patronus Charm. She had, of course, heard of the spell before, and had always wanted to see what a Patronus would really look like.
Several rows behind her, James Potter and Sirius Black straightened in their seats. They had seen this particular charm performed before, and it was one of the few things pulled up in class that they had not fully mastered yet.
“An interesting challenge, Master Potter,” Sirius said, extracting his wand out of his robes as James did the same.
“Interesting indeed, Master Black,” James replied, carefully caressing the smooth wood of his wand before whipping his eyes to look at Sirius from the corners of his eyes. “But no doubt something we will easily master.” Both smirked as they fixed their attention back onto the Defense professor.
“Does anyone know what the Patronus Charm does? Miss Evans?”
Potter lowered his hand as Sirius, grumbling, did the same. James had long since grown used to the surprising amount of knowledge Lily seemed to have of Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions. She was also adept at Charms, although in a more practical sense than how she seemed fluent in the theories of her other classes. He had always admired her determination and intelligence, as well as the kindness she contained. James let his eyes wander over her form as she diligently answered, “The Patronus Charm is used to repel Dark creatures, sir. Usually Dementors and the like.”
“Very good, Miss Evans. Five points to Gryffindor. Does anyone in the room know of the incantation for this particular spell?”
As always, no one in the Slytherin section bothered to raise a hand. Pleased to see that James Potter and Sirius Black had decided to participate in the class, Professor Scarbrough called on Sirius. Black grinned, throwing a triumphant glance at Potter who only shrugged indifferently and rolled his eyes.
“Expecto Patronum, sir.”
“Very good, Mister Black! Another five points to Gryffindor.” He turned and swished at the board again, and the words ‘Expecto Patronum’ appeared underneath the notes. “But you have to put a little more emphasis on the second syllable of both words, Master Black. Try it with me now, everyone: Expecto Patronum.”
The classroom echoed with the phrase, mostly bored tones from the Slytherin area, and genuine effort from the Gryffindors. Several students had to try a few times before they got it correctly; Professor Scarbrough wandered between the desks and corrected people’s pronunciations before returning to his desk again. As he was doing this, James’s attention wandered back to Lily Evans, who’s face was slightly scrunched up in concentration, committing the pronunciation and spell to memory. A ghost of a smile appeared on James’s lips as he let his eyes commit something to memory as well - Lily’s image.
James Potter knew that he really shouldn’t be staring at Lily during classes. It wasn’t a common occurrence: he really only eyed her during the odd class when Sirius, Remus and Peter weren’t doing their normal jobs of entertaining him. Like, the times when they were actually concentrating on things being said in class. He remembered the humongous crush he had on Evans two years ago; the thought of it alone causede a blush to grace his cheeks. He had been an overbearing git, he knew. But what else was a fifteen-going-on-sixteen year old going to do to gain a girl’s attention? Like any other stupid pubescent boy, he had chosen to show off and play it cool - none of which impressed Lily.
James had been confused for a while - wasn’t it what Sirius did all the time? And he was successful - but finally got the hint and retreated from annoying Lily at every turn. Instead he watched her silently from a distance, never confident enough to talk to her again. He thought his interests were waning over sixth year, even dating a bit here and there. But then Dumbledore had appointed him Head Boy, next to Lily’s Head Girl! It was a pleasant shock - although it only confirmed his suspicions that Dumbledore was off his rocker - and when he discovered that Lily was willing to forget what he termed ‘the Fifth Year incident’, they had started over.
Through their time spent together on various chores and duties, he found out that his affection for her was still there, and they only intensified as he got to know her better. Obviously not over personal issues, but she was a hard worker, organised, and passionate about what she did. From just another pretty face, she had turned into a confident, talented young woman with a bright future. Over time, James found he was interested to find out what the future held for Lily - and more than once he felt that he wanted to be a part of it.
Shaking his head at his delirious musings, he turned back to Professor Scarbrough who had finally finished his rounds of the classroom.
But it isn’t a bad idea, a voice whispered in James’s head as the professor addressed the class.
“Now, if everyone would move away from their desks, please?” Immediately, scraping of chairs and sounds of scrambling filled the air as people packed their things hurriedly into backpacks and stood away from their workstations. With a wave of his wand, Professor Scarbrough had stacked the furniture against the walls neatly. Remus had pulled Peter out of the way of a flying chair, but other than that, there were no mishaps. The professor nodded, satisfied, before asking his students to spread out in the room, finding themselves a space large enough so that they were at least an arm’s length away from everyone.
“Prongs! Stop it!” Remus hissed as James stuck out his arms and twirled madly, pushing Sirius and Peter out of his space. James merely smirked before standing still and looking up at Professor Scarbrough with an expression of innocence as clear as a cloudless blue sky. The professor did not deign a reaction to this, and continued forward.
“Now, everyone hold your wands out. There’s no silly swishing and waving for this particular spell. I want you all to try and cast it. Make sure you’re not pointing at anyone though - don’t want anyone to be unintentionally hurt.” Some Slytherins snickered at this, leering at the Gryffindors, but shifted uncomfortably as the Marauders threw them a grin, challenging them with their eyes. They bristled back in retort, but Professor Scarbrough interrupted, “On three, everyone! One, two, three - ”
“Expecto Patronum!”
Again, the classroom was filled with people chanting Expecto Patronum. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be happening. The Slytherins had stopped trying after a few times, annoyed and frustrated at their inability to produce anything. The Gryffindors were a bit more stubborn; they doggedly kept chanting the spell. Lily was among these students - she frowned in concentration, saying the incantation forcefully, but to no avail. No one noticed that James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew - after Remus whispered something in his ear, anyway - had not tried to master the spell at all.
Professor Scarbrough, after five minutes of this craze, had finally realized the abnormal quietness coming from that particular corner of the room and seen their relaxed, bored stances. He quickly called a stop for the pandemonium, before turning to face the four boys.
“Is there something you’d like to share with the class, boys?” Professor Scarbrough asked, knowing that one of them had probably already known the one fact that he had not shared with his students yet. “Mister Lupin?”
“If I may, sir,” James cut in smoothly. He glanced at his friend, who nodded, before turning back to the Professor. “The one most important thing to do when performing the Patronus charm is to think of happy thoughts. Otherwise the charm won’t work at all.”
“Well done, Mister Potter. Ten points to Gryffindor.” The professor addressed the class again, “Mister Potter is right. The main base of power for the Expecto Patronum is thoughts of joy. The more powerful the memories, the more powerful the Patronus. Can anyone tell me what a Patronus looks like?”
“Sir,” Lily started, “A Patronus is a silvery shape, and usually looks like an animal. The animal that best fits you, actually.”
“And well done again, Miss Evans! Another five points to Gryffindor!” The Slytherins muttered; already Gryffindor had earned itself twenty-five points in one lesson. Professor Scarbrough seemed to be a little point-happy today.
“Well, if you would only participate in class, you would have gained points, too, you know,” the professor reminded them reasonably, raising an eyebrow. At once, the murmurings stopped and silence met his ears.
Remus suddenly raised his hand, and the Professor nodded at him to continue.
“Sir, is there any possible way for a Patronus to change form, or animal?”
“Good question, Mister Lupin. Yes, but it is exceedingly rare. It only occurs when an incident or something happens that has a profound impact on the wizard or witch in question. A death is one such example. Patronuses are very unique, and they reflect your true person. Sometimes it can be linked to, or changed, by the people you love.”
At this, several Slytherins snickered and coughed conspicuously at the comment on love. Professor Scarbrough raised one eyebrow at them, but otherwise didn’t comment.
“Is that all your questions? Good. Well. Now, I would like you all to try again. Think of the happiest moments of your life, and really concentrate - that is extremely important! Without both concentration and happy memories, the spell will not produce anything. And don’t expect anything in the beginning. Most people usually accomplish this spell after they have graduated from wizarding school. You may begin!”
Lily bit her lip and closed her eyes, trying to bring up the happiest moments of her life. She remembered getting her Hogwarts letter, finding out she was a witch and able to perform magic. Opening her eyes, she said, “Expecto Patronum!”
Nothing happened.
Frowning again, Lily closed her eyes and summoned up another memory. Playing in the park with Petunia, back before they had fallen out, back when they still were the best of friends. Childhood innocence. Opening her eyes again, she said more forcefully, “Expecto Patronum!”
A little bit of faint silvery mist seemed to seep out of the tip of her wand. Triumph filled her as the Professor walked over to where she was, looking at the mist that had started to disappear.
“Excellent, Miss Evans! Amazing, especially on the first try! Well, well done!”
Lily blushed at the praise and looked at the floor again, although she couldn’t help but grin. She looked up again when the Professor had left, eyes scanning the room to see how the others were doing. The Slytherins weren’t doing a very good job - but then again, had they ever really had happy memories? - and her fellow housemates didn’t seem that well off either. But she finally twisted around to look towards the back of the classroom and widened her eyes in surprise.
James Potter had managed to get a silvery shape to appear, more than she could ever hope to accomplish. Sirius seemed to be slightly put off that his best friend had been able to pull it off so quickly, and was concentrating on getting the mist to appear. Remus was having no luck either, and poor Peter was saying the incantation all wrong.
Steeling herself, Lily whipped out her wand again, preparing herself for another try.
I need something happier, Lily thought, raking her mind for something suitable. There’s no bloody way I have never had a happy enough time for this spell.
Finally, she remembered her last visit to Hogsmeade and the time she had with Mary. It had been raining hard - pouring actually - but they hadn’t cared. Of course, they had tried to cover their hair with their arms as they ran towards Hogsmeade from Hogwarts. But before they were able to duck into any sort of cover, Mary had slipped on a slick part of the road, grabbing Lily’s robes and dragging her down with her. The next instant found them giggling and laughing madly, sitting in a large puddle under the torrential rain. It was one of the best days of her life; the threat of the Dark Lord far from her mind, all the stress from work and Prefect duties disappearing, her family’s misfortunes effectively buried - even if it was only for a moment. It had felt like there was nothing in the world except for that particular moment, dripping and completely drenched. Mary’s face so carefree and happy, the surroundings greying and blurring past her conscious vision…
Lily kept the image of Mary’s laughing face in the rain as she gripped her wand, pointing it in front of her.
“Expecto Patronum!” she cried, letting the joy from that day sweep through her into her wand. Suddenly, a burst of silver light emitted from her wand, making the room glow with an ethereal light. But just as quickly as it had appeared, the light extinguished quickly. Lily stared, shocked, at her wand, clasped tightly in her hand.
No one said anything for a moment. Out of the silence there was a cry of delight and Professor Scarbrough strode over to Lily, who was still standing there looking very shocked at her success.
“Astounding, Miss Evans! Congratulations to you! The most successful try we’ve seen today!” Professor Scarbrough beamed at Lily, who was still too shocked to do anything but stare between her teacher and her wand.
“Seriously!” Everyone turned to look at Sirius, who had broken the silence that the students had been observing. “James here was watching it the entire time, did you know that? Never saw his eyes pop out so far. Good show, Evans!”
Even without Sirius’s exagerrated, obvious elbow jab into James’s ribs, anyone could have guessed the sexual undertone he had been suggesting. For two seconds, no one reacted to Sirius’s latest insinuating comment. Then Peter started snickering, followed by some chortling from Remus, and the whole class was laughing. James took it in stride, although his ears seemed to have bloomed into an interesting shade of red.
“Congrats, Evans,” James said, trying to ignoring his guffawing friends. Lily immediately ducked her head, looking towards the floor again.
“Thanks, James,” she mumbled, keeping her gaze on the floor. James blinked, surprised that she had used his first name. She didn’t notice as the students began to pick up their bags from the sides of the classroom, getting ready for their next class.
“Good job, all of you! Continue working on your Patronuses in your spare time. We’ll hold a little contest in a few months to see who’s improved the farthest. The person with the most corporeal Patronus will receive a prize, and anyone else who tries gets extra credit! Oh, and another ten points to Gryffindor!”
The Slytherins grumbled after Professor Scarbrough’s announcement, sending glares towards the happily promenading Gryffindors. As all the students disappeared down the hallway, Lily hurriedly exited the room, last one out. She didn’t expect anyone to wait for her - where was Mary, anyway? - but was surprised to see James Potter standing outside of the classroom, apparently waiting for her.
“Hey, Evans,” James said, shooting her his trademark grin. She nodded, and continued walking, not sure of what to do. James fell in stride with her, and they walked awkwardly in silence before James spoke up.
“Good job back there, Evans.” Lily looked up and blinked in surprise. James smiled down at her. James actually hadn’t tried to ask her out at all these two years, which came as a shock to Lily. Sure, James hadn’t asked her out all the time in fifth year, but he did make it a point to remind her of his interest. Sixth year was a reprieve from all the attention, and Lily had been relieved. This year, however, she’d seen him more often than not with all their Head duties. She was pleasantly surprised to find that she liked James’s sense of humour as well as his charisma. He didn’t use his charm on her anymore than necessary, usually teasing her when they had some sort of disagreement over something or another. But he was good at compromising, and most of his ideas were good ones. He even took on his new title and responsibility with a level of effort that she didn’t know he had possessed in the first place. She didn’t know much about him personally, and she found a desire to delve into this new pile of mystery.
But she obviously couldn’t. Lily was popular - she knew that as well as any other person - but the difference was that she didn’t approach anyone. They all approached her. And she had no problem with that - she was normally nice, generous, and at odd times, bubbly. From what she could tell, anyway. But with James she couldn’t do that; really, she didn’t know what to do. He didn’t approach her, and she had never approached anyone. So, as a result, they barely knew each other.
Although all this was true, Lily could not help but feel the pull. She desperately wanted to respond - to figure out what was going on behind those hazel eyes she had become so used to seeing across the table at their meetings - to wonder why he was always ruffling his hair, why he put her off edge. Because he really did - she wasn’t sure if he knew he was doing it, or even if he had wanted to pursue after something more than just being co-workers, but the one thing Lily Evans was certain of was that she wanted to become friends - good, close friends, like she and Mary were - with James Potter.
Completely unaware of this fact, James continued, seemingly nonplussed as they continued their way to Transfiguration.
“You must have thought of something really happy back there, to have come up with something that good.” James paused to glance at Lily to see if she had a response. She didn’t, keeping her eyes focused on the path in front of her. “What was the memory, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Lily blinked again. This was the first time James had asked her anything personal in a long time. She wasn’t sure how to respond, but fell back to a failsafe approach - the truth.
“Mary and I in the rain.”
Now it was James’s turn to blink, astounded. For a minute there, he had thought she wasn’t going to answer him, but she had.
“Really? When was this? On the grounds sometime this year?”
“No. It was during the last Hogsmeade trip. Remember the severe rain that day?” James nodded. “Yeah, it was during then. We were running to get under cover when we slipped and fell, soaking our robes completely through. And instead of just getting up and continuing, we sat there for a long time, just laughing.”
James noticed the tiny smile appearing on Lily as they made their way through the throngs of students being herded to their next class. It brightened her face in such a small way… more like a soft glow than an intense glare.
“It was like it was just the two of us and nothing else. No more troubles, no impending doom - “ James chuckled at that “ - like it was… just us.”
“I know what you mean,” James said solemnly. “It’s the best feeling in the world, isn’t it? Feeling like there’s nothing to worry about in the world? No danger once we graduate?”
Lily shot James a small smile as they reached their Transfiguration classroom. “Yeah. Exactly that.”
“Well, you shouldn’t worry, Lily. I’m sure we’ll get out of it fine.” Lily stared at James as he headed over to his seat where his best mates were already seated. “Promise!”
Lily fell into her seat near the front of the classroom, and put on her best studious face as Professor McGonagall nodded at her and proceeded with the day’s lesson. But for some reason, Lily couldn’t focus on anything but a single word echoing in her head.
Promise…
.&.
That night, Lily stumbled into the Gryffindor common room late in the evening. By this time, most people were getting ready to retire to bed, or finishing up the last of that night’s homework. She noticed what looked like a very familiar head of blonde hair, and started towards the empty seat next to it.
She collapsed in the seat, dropping her books unceremoniously on the table. “Where have you been?” Lily asked, exasperated.
The head whipped around, and Lily coloured slightly under its gaze. This was in fact not Mary MacDonald - it was Remus Lupin from the Marauders gang.
He looked up, surprised, with his quill held mid-sentence. He hurriedly scribbled the rest of the sentence before giving Lily his full attention.
“Have you really been looking for me, Evans? Or have you mistaken me for someone else?”
His voice held no mocking or any kind of amusement, so Lily looked up to meet his gaze. He smiled at her kindly, in the sort of forgetful way that old historians or librarians had, but nonetheless was extremely friendly.
“Oh, well, um, that is - ” Lily stammered incoherently, “I thought you were, um, Mary. MacDonald? Yeah, Mary.”
Idiot, Lily berated herself. Remus, she saw now, had a particular shade of blond - darker, almost a faded blond-brown. Almost bronze, but with a lot more gold mixed in it. Mary’s locks were one hundred percent blonde, no extra colours mixed in. Lily decided she liked the colour of Remus’s hair.
Remus laughed, shaking his head and causing a lock of hair to fall into his eyes. “I have no idea where MacDonald is, Evans. But you’re welcome to call me Mary anytime you want.”
Lily flushed and smiled up shyly at Remus as he looked down at her kindly. Suddenly, behind him came a second roar of laughter, and Sirius appeared at Remus’s elbow.
“Mary? Why, Remus! Is there anything you haven’t told us? I wasn’t sure you were entirely male before, but now it seems I’ve got a bit more evidence for my argument - ”
“Shove off, wanker,” Remus mumbled, neck colouring. Lily ducked her head and bit her lip in an effort not to smile.
“Aw, come on, old pal!” Sirius smacked Remus a couple of times on the back, causing the poor boy to choke a little. “You know we’re only kidding. Kind of. Actually, not kidding at all. But still - ”
Remus had got up, calmly put his stuff together, bid Lily a good night, and finally grabbed Sirius’s ear, proceeding to haul him up the stairs to the boys’ dormitories.
“Lupin! Bloody hell, that hurts! Gerroffme! Geroffme I said!”
Lily watched silently as the boys disappeared before making one last glance around the room. Noting that her best friend was definitely not one of the blondes in the room, she made her way up to the seventh-year girls’ dormitory with her books.
Entering the room, she finally spotted her missing friend lying on her bed, doing homework.
“Mary!” she cried, dumping everything onto her bed before moving to sit beside her friend. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all day!”
“Sorry, Lily,” Mary replied, looking up at Lily sheepishly from her position on the bed. “I was in the hospital wing most of the day. Got back in the middle of dinner, which you never really returned from.”
“Hospital wing? What happened?”
“Well, I was trying this new spell for Charms yesterday, and apparently I must have cast a whole different spell that backfired on me. The effects didn’t appear till overnight, so I rushed over to Madame Pomfrey as soon as I figured out what happened.”
“Oh, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, really! Nothing Madame Pomfrey couldn’t fix, anyway.” Mary smiled up at her before scribbling the last bit to her Arithmancy homework.
“Well, guess what you’ve missed then!”
“Missed? Oh, I hope it’s not anything too interesting!”
“Unfortunately, Miss MacDonald, it was extremely interesting! We learnt something advanced in Defence today!”
“Oh, no, really?” Mary looked slightly crestfallen. Both Lily and Mary loved to learn advanced techniques in any class. Both of them joked that if they had had to be sorted into a different house, they would have both ended up in Ravenclaw.
“Yeah,” Lily exclaimed happily. “He started to teach us how to use the Patronus Charm!”
“The Patronus Charm?” Mary shrieked. “Oh, no! I can’t believe I missed that!”
“No, don’t worry! He said that we have a few months to try and master it. It’s quite difficult, though I’m sure we’ll manage.”
“Teach me now? That is, if you aren’t exhausted with your day.”
“Of course not! It would my pleasure,” Lily said chivalrously, attempting to sound like a hero in a cheesy romance novel. Both girls giggled as they retrieved their wands.
“Now, what you do is…”
.&.
A month later found Lily practicing in an abandoned courtyard. The weather was not at its best - grey and slightly foggy, the humidity so thick Lily could scarcely breathe - but she ignored that fact and focused all her attention on the task at hand.
Well, what if I combine two memories at the same time? she wondered, fingering her wand. Would the two joined amounts of happiness improve my Patronus? Let’s try it…
She pulled up her memory of Mary and her in the rain as well as the memory of Petunia and her at the neighbourhood playground. Opening her eyes, she shouted, “Expecto Patronum!” loudly into the quiet afternoon air.
The silvery light from class before burst from her wand again, although this time it seemed to glow even more brightly that before. A slight mist appeared this time, floating around Lily and filling her with feelings of joy and calm before fading into nothing again.
Proud of her accomplishment, Lily fell onto the grass unceremoniously, lying flat to stare at the cloudy sky. At this rate, I might be able to create a real Patronus, she thought happily. I wonder what my animal is? Maybe I’m a cat. Or a dog. Perhaps a hare!
Lily laughed out loud at the thought. A hare? I’d rather have something like a tiger… But a tiger doesn’t seem to work with the kind of person I am. Ha, Lily the tigress…
She chuckled, but almost choked on it when a pair of familiar hazel eyes and head of messy black locks appeared in her field of vision, blocking the clouds from her view. She hurriedly sat up, looking around herself frantically for her wand.
“Looking for this?”
Lily looked up and blushed as James held out her wand. She took it and let him help her up, dusting off her robes and refusing to meet his eyes.
After a moment’s silence, she demanded, “Why did you scare me like that?”
James laughed. “Well, you were just lying there… And I don’t think you would have realized I was there unless I made it pretty clear. What better way than standing over your head?”
Lily could think of a retort, but held her tongue. It wasn’t exactly an innocent retort; she had got a view of more than just his face when she had looked up from her position from the ground.
“Well, think of a better way next time!” was all she said when she finally got the courage to. James smiled pleasantly before running a hand through his messy hair again. In the second before she spoke, it hit Lily that the gesture didn’t annoy her anymore. Blinking in surprise, she asked, “So why were you looking for me?”
“Who said I was looking for you?”
“Well, there’s no one else here. So I’d assume if you came here you would be looking for me.”
“True, true. All right. So I was looking for you.”
“… Then why, Potter, were you looking for me?”
He shrugged.
“Not much of a reason. Just wanted to talk to someone.” Lily raised an eyebrow.
“And you just happened to choose me.” James looked shocked and offended.
“Of course I’d choose you, Evans darling! Who else in the world would I want to talk to as much as you?”
Lily laughed and shook her head, refusing to answer such a ridiculous suggestion. They stood in relatively comfortable silence as they watched the clouds swirl above their heads.
“Have you got far with the Patronus Charm, yet, Lily?”
“A little bit. Not quite. I still haven’t got to the point of corporeal-ness, but it’s much larger now. And brighter.”
“Good for you. Know what animal it’ll be?”
“No, not really. Actually, I was thinking about that when you came along.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I was wondering if I’d be a cat. Or a dog.”
James shook his head at both of these, and Lily looked up at him, clearly surprised.
“Really? How are you so sure?”
“I just don’t think you’re a cat type. Or a dog type, for that matter.” Lily frowned.
“Oh, really. And what do you think I’d be, then, since you claim to know all.” James laughed and smiled a secretive grin.
“Oh, I don’t know. I was just expressing my opinion.”
They were silent once more, both standing still as they watched the clouds grow thicker and darker with each passing second.
“We better get inside. Looks like it’s about to rain.”
Lily looked up at James, who still hadn’t turned away from the sky yet.
“James?”
He hummed an acknowledgement.
“Do you know what kind of animal your Patronus is?” A light seemed to sparkle in his eyes before he turned to look at her.
“I’ve got a hunch.”
“Really? What is it?”
James stood watching her silently for a moment. She looked up at him expectantly, red hair cascading down her shoulders and green eyes alight with curiosity. James had never seen her look more beautiful than she did now. Most people would have laughed at him and how lovesick he sounded, but he couldn’t shake the pull he felt whenever he was around her lately. He ignored it, and focused on her face and his image reflected in her eyes.
Then slowly, he bent down and softly caressed her lips with his own. Lily caught her breath as James kissed her, his movements always gentle. It was only two seconds before he released her, but still Lily felt it had taken weeks. Unsure of what to say, Lily could only stare up at James mutely, green eyes wide against her rosy cheeks.
He ran his eyes over her face, seeming to search for something. Lily watched as his eyes softened, satisfied. He smiled before walking away. Lily still hadn’t moved when he had turned around again and lifted his wand. She caught his eyes closing for a second before the incantation left his lips. James was already inside when Lily turned to look at the phantom shape.
Standing before her was a beautiful silver stag.
.&.
Behind a pillar, dark eyes narrowed as the silvery stag stood there, staring down at Lily Evans silently. The dark eyes flashed as Lily reached out to touch the creature; it bowed its head before finally dissipating in the oncoming darkness. At its disappearance, the spell seemed to be broken, and Lily backed up, startled. She turned and glanced at the clouds before hurrying away in the direction James had left.
When the last flash of red disappeared into the depths of Hogwarts, the figure stepped out into the darkness. A flash of thunder illuminated the courtyard; far away a low rumbling sounded. And still the figure stood there.
He stood and stared at the space where the stag had just occupied few moments ago. He remembered exactly how it looked, down to the very last detail. Then again, he had always had a good memory.
His eyes darkened as he thought over what he had just witnessed. He had just followed that person here and watched Lily and James as they sat in companionable silence. He had felt the intense anger, hurt, and jealousy stab his heart as he witnessed their kiss. He had wanted to run out there, throw his arms around that person, and shove the other away. He had wanted to scream, “Don’t touch her!” and then “Mine!” He had wanted to utter every single horrible curse he had ever learnt at them, wanted to stop them from touching each other, to stop the softness in both their eyes when they had broken away.
But he couldn’t.
He sank to his knees as he felt his helplessness - hopelessness - surround him like a suffocating cloak that he couldn’t for the life of him lift. Silently, he stared at the ground and let the overwhelming feeling of loss and hurt crash over him.
And when he finally felt wetness on his cheeks, he wasn’t even sure if it had come from the rain.
this fic is so long, this is only part one. omfg. pt. 2 here.
Author:
xx_butterflaii
Characters/Pairing: Lily/James (and a surprise)
Rating: PG-13, just to be on the safe side.
Category: Angst, Romance, Fluff
Spoilers: Please, you must have read Deathly Hallows before this, or it will be spoiler!doom.
Summary: Oneshot. AU. [ postDH ] 'Patronuses are affected by the ones you love.' One stag, two does, three people entwined. What will they do now?
A/N: Don't kill me please. And I do not own these characters - JKR does. And warning: This is an extremely long fic. Click for ff.net link.
If Only For A Moment
Lily Evans stumbled through the corridor as she rushed to class, haphazardly running a brush through her hair while she tried to keep a grip on her messenger bag on her way down the main staircase. Cursing inwardly, she ripped her bag open as she flew down the last steps into the Transfiguration courtyard, cutting directly across it as she shoved her brush into the dark recesses of her bag. Tripping on the step up from the courtyard, she raced down the hall, through a set of double doors, and up the winding staircase past several portraits who looked extremely surprised to see a student - much less the Head Girl - who, by all appearances, looked like she was trying to outrun a hideous monster hot on her heels. And what a monster it was.
Damn the time! Lily thought frantically as she threw open another set of doors and raced down the last stretch to her destination. Of all the days to be late! Should have set my alarm, but then again, I never knew I could ever - Merlin, I hope the Professor won’t be too -
She burst through the last door into the classroom, halting as roughly two dozen pairs of eyes whipped around to stare at her in surprise as the door banged against the wall. For two seconds nobody moved; Lily was sure she was a sight to behold, her hair still messy after using her brush, her face and neck red with her mouth open, panting because of the run, and one hand still on the door, as if to brace herself against it.
“Ah, Miss Evans,” a rough - though not unkind - voice cut through the silence. “So glad you could join our Defence Against the Dark Arts class today.”
Lily’s face turned redder than before, although this time it wasn’t because of physical exertion. She dropped her hand and looked up at the Professor who was standing in front of the class. His wand was directed at the board as if he was about to magick instructions on it. He held a copy of their textbook flipped open in his other hand, although when Lily turned to face him he had let it drop back on his desk. His face seemed emotionless, although Lily thought - hoped, really - that there appeared to be a slight sparkle of humour in his eyes.
“Well, Miss Evans? Have you an excuse for tardiness?” he asked in his rough voice, interrupting what sounded like snickers coming from the Slytherin side of the room.
“No, Professor Scarbrough,” Lily murmured, dropping her head to look at the floor in a gesture of demureness. “I woke up late today from a late night of studying. I’m sorry.”
Professor Scarbrough looked over Lily with an air of slight disapproval, although if anyone knew him better, they would have said that he seemed to be scrutinising her form in a pleased sort of way. Although being observant was all part of the job description if one wanted to survive in anything related to the Dark Arts, Scarbrough was a little bit more observant of those of the opposite sex - not that he was a pervert of course. He saw through Lily’s act of shyness to the fiery, vivacious girl - No, woman, he corrected himself - that existed in very rare times during the school year.
He knew she was not the ‘bookworm’ image she seemed to exude; Lily Evans was strong and passionate, and would dedicate her life to things she considered important. For example, homework was considered one of her priorities in the present, thus supporting her studious demeanour. But she also, the Professor knew, valued love and honesty, among other things. She never lied, even if the odds were not in her favour; she never had found any reason to be worth dishonesty. And he knew Lily was also quite popular - the sort of popular that had to do with quiet generosity and a good heart. She treated the people she considered important with undying love, although at school that seemed to only be a small, small handful - really, her only close friend Mary MacDonald.
Although Lily never was very close to the girl until recently, the Professor had seen her comforting the ever self-confidence-lacking Mary the past six and a half years, cheering her up whenever she had received a ‘Poor’ on a test, or if a Slytherin had made another jab at her Creaothceann-loving father. This wasn’t to say that Lily favoured only those close to her with love - he saw that her love encompassed everyone she encountered, even the Slytherins. He knew for a fact (through faculty gossip, anyway) that a certain Slytherin seventh-year and Lily Evans had been quite close during their beginning years at Hogwarts, but for some reason had broken off their friendship near the end of their fifth year. She seemed to be able to love anyone, no matter where they came from, their House, their blood, or their past, shown through the fact that she was still nice to the boy, greeting him in the hallways between classes and other times she bumped into him.
She’s the sort of person we need more of, nowadays, he thought as he watched her shift uncomfortably under his gaze. He allowed himself a small, inconspicuous smile before nodding to the Head Girl. She raised her face again and Scarbrough watched her dark red tresses slide smooth across the shoulders of her robes.
“Take a seat, and make sure it doesn’t happen again,” Professor Scarbrough said, turning around to swish his wand at the blackboard. As he turned back to his students again and started the lecture off with the noises of shuffling parchment and scribbling quills quivering through the air, he could not help notice the earnest, deep green eyes of Lily Evans staring up at him and the board as she hurriedly dipped her quill into her inkwell and started taking notes.
Simply lovely, Scarbrough thought before shaking his head at himself. Here you are thinking about a young girl not even out of school! She hasn’t enough experience for you. And with that, Lily Evans was out of the professor’s mind, replaced with the material for today’s class.
“Today we’re in for a special treat,” Professor Scarbrough announced as he flicked imaginary lint off the front of his robes and glanced up to assess his class. The Slytherins and Gryffindors were unfortunately placed together in this class for their last year in Hogwarts, and the usual ruckus that followed erupted in almost every class. Thankfully, Lily’s late arrival seemed to have put off any efforts to disrupt class time, but just as he thought that, a tiny paper bird soared past his head and into the blackboard.
Grumbling in his head, Professor Scarbrough raised his eyebrow at the crumpled bird’s form under his desk before looking up to see if he could spot the culprit. He - or they - weren’t that hard to pinpoint: two Gryffindor boys sitting in the back of the classroom had wide grins on their faces, their attention concentrated solely on Professor Scarbrough.
I should have known, the Professor thought to himself as he made his way to their desks.
“Mr. Potter and Mr. Black,” Professor Scarbrough greeted when he reached his destination. “How nice of you to let us experience the flight of your pet paper bird.”
Both grinned up at him from their seats. James Potter was leaning on his desk, elbow propped up and chin resting in his hand, dark hair as messy as usual. His glasses lay slightly askew on his nose and his hazel eyes glimmered up at the Professor. Sirius Black, on the other hand, was leaning back in his chair, its back legs the only thing supporting him, and his hands behind his head. His grey eyes and wide grin matched the mischievousness in Potter’s, although this boy’s dark hair fell into his eyes and had acquired a sort of roguish, lazy attractiveness. Not to say Potter wasn’t attractive - he certainly had something - but not enough to compete with his best friend. Leaders of their little ring of friends, Potter and Black were inseparable - if one caught them away from each other without a teacher’s interference, something suspicious was definitely happening.
In spite of their late night wanderings and various pranks - although few and far between, they still were very big and very loud, and were usually focused on an entire House or more worth of students - the Marauders, as they liked to call themselves, achieved good marks and stayed near the top ten percentage of their year. Remus Lupin, of course, being a quiet, intelligent boy, was most likely behind their otherwise shocking good marks. A Prefect, Lupin was an extremely talented student, especially in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Scarbrough rarely came across a student so passionate and determined about Defence, and Lupin was one of them. Scarbrough had foreseen a very bright future for the boy, had it not been for the fact that Lupin was a werewolf. Many of the professors seemed to agree; they all knew he would lead a hard life. Peter Pettigrew, the last of their little group, was obviously not the shiniest wand in the shop, but was passing with fairly good marks, no doubt as well from the help of his friends. A likeable boy, if a little more gullible and slow on the uptake, Pettigrew added the last piece to the Marauder’s puzzle - the ever loyal, ever helpful follower.
Of course, as soon as the boys had seen him coming, they had glued on their best smiles to discourage any disciplinary action. A great difference to the redheaded girl who had stood there moments before, not looking him in the eye and apologising sincerely! Insolent as the two were, the Professor refrained from berating them, as any other teacher would have done by now, but instead stared at them in a silent question.
“Oh, well, we thought it would be a wonderful experience for the entire class!” Sirius revealed, his mischievous and relaxed expression still in place.
“Yes,” his best friend agreed, “No one ever knows if the other side can conjure up fire-breathing paper dragons out of a piece of parchment. It would be an extremely good use of low resources, and an unexpected form of attack to boot.”
“Well,” Professor Scarbrough said, after processing their ‘excuse’ and finding himself without a comment, “It seems extremely coincidental that the disturbances during class today were made by both the Head students.”
At this, Lily, who had been too busy scribbling down what was on the board to notice what was going on, shot her head up to look, surprised, at James. He noticed her gaze and glanced at her, throwing a devastating grin her way before turning back to the Professor. Unbeknownst to both him and Lily, the flush that had disappeared from time in class reappeared on her cheeks, sprinkling her cheeks a soft, rosy colour.
From the other side of the room, contemptuous silence exuded from the students dressed in robes marked with the green emblem of Slytherin. But one certain Slytherin seemed to have his gaze fixed on one particular Gryffindor. His dark eyes never straying, he watched the exchange between James and Lily, unable to prevent slight evidence of an ill disguised cross between a sneer and grimace from finding its way on to his face. As he eyed Lily’s blush and James’s messy hair, his eyes seemed to flash before his face retreated behind a curtain of black, oily hair.
Severus Snape bit the inside of his cheek until he could taste the coppery trickle of blood on his tongue. Watching them during class was maddening - being unable to prevent anything was even more infuriating. Worst of all was how they had been paired this year as both Head students. He had to sit idly and watch as they spent more and more time with each other, getting to know each other in private. It was all he could do not to think about what they might be doing behind closed doors.
He turned away from the scene in disgust, muttering to himself in his head. No one ever wondered why he had taken an early liking to the Dark Arts. They had no idea why many of his spells had to do with mutilating bodily parts, or causing deliberate pain to the victim. He had to try out spells he created on something, didn’t he? Potions was one of his fortes as well: they were extremely handy in hiding evidence. There were a few animals in the Forest that would never be the same again - but no matter. It was all in the name of discovery, anyway…
When news of his abilities found their way to a certain group of his fellow housemates, they were quick to invite him into a particular circle. Mulciber had approached him one evening in the common room while he had been working on Transfiguration homework - he could remember everything said in the conversation. An elite circle, one that could get him places. Help him gain power…
And that was that. He had accepted the invitation, had walked into their ranks with no qualms… until a few months later. Lily had found out, and instead of congratulating him as he thought she’d do, she had looked upon him with shock and dismay. She had disliked the people he had found a place among. He hadn’t understood at the time, had continued to participate in the group, hoping Lily would turn around and realise that this situation wasn’t a bad one. But she never did.
Severus could almost kick himself. That incident in fifth year had never ceased to haunt him at all hours of the day. He had been caught unawares by the spell, and humiliated in front of half the school. He had seen some Slytherins in the crowd - and they hadn’t even bothered to help him, hadn’t made a move to save him from his embarrassment. Then he saw Lily coming towards him, and that familiar emotion swelled up in him. She had yelled at Potter for what he had done, but to no avail. And, unable to see through the haze of anger - or was it because all his blood had rushed to his head? - he had called out the dirtiest word he could have possibly pulled out of thin air at that moment.
Mudblood.
Severus had always wanted to take that statement back, since the moment it had escaped his lips. No one had ever suspected that he and Lily were friends - best friends - and after that incident, no one ever would. Lily had been so hurt and confused, and that had been the end of their friendship. The end of his - perhaps - only chance to ever acquire what he had wanted the most. All he had managed to prove was that he was as “lowdown” and “dirty” as any other Slytherin.
But Severus had finally retreated back to the little elite circle. For what else was there for him? He had no Lily to turn to anymore, and he sure as hell couldn’t rely on his good-for-nothing family. And after the little spat, he had thrown all his efforts into the circle, gaining trust and connections with everyone, even outside of Hogwarts walls. He knew what would happen after his graduation. He knew he probably would never talk to that person ever again. The students had just returned from Christmas holidays, and its end only further emphasised the five months left of opportunities for sly glances, gazes, and following of that particular desire he had never been able to capture.
Severus was shaken out of his thoughts when the professor finally moved away from Potter and Black to the front of the classroom. Severus would never allow himself a poor grade on anything he received at Hogwarts.
“Well, thank you again, Mr, Potter, Mr. Black,” Professor Scarbrough said, nodding at both the students, who grinned back. “Now, if we could finally move on to the lesson for today?”
Everyone’s attention snapped back to the front of the room, several quills stood poised and ready over parchment. Lily had recomposed herself, and was once again as studious as before. James and Sirius had not changed positions, but they seemed to be having a non-verbal conversation with Remus and Peter the next table over. Rolling his eyes, the professor smiled inwardly as he thought of the perfect way to recapture their attention.
“As I was trying to announce earlier, today we’ll be learning a bit of advanced magic.”
Two pairs of mildly interested gazes flickered towards him. Triumphant, the professor continued with a bit of a flourish, “I am going to teach you the art of the Patronus Charm.”
Lily squealed softly and her eyes shone in anticipation at the prospect of learning something as potentially powerful as a Patronus Charm. She had, of course, heard of the spell before, and had always wanted to see what a Patronus would really look like.
Several rows behind her, James Potter and Sirius Black straightened in their seats. They had seen this particular charm performed before, and it was one of the few things pulled up in class that they had not fully mastered yet.
“An interesting challenge, Master Potter,” Sirius said, extracting his wand out of his robes as James did the same.
“Interesting indeed, Master Black,” James replied, carefully caressing the smooth wood of his wand before whipping his eyes to look at Sirius from the corners of his eyes. “But no doubt something we will easily master.” Both smirked as they fixed their attention back onto the Defense professor.
“Does anyone know what the Patronus Charm does? Miss Evans?”
Potter lowered his hand as Sirius, grumbling, did the same. James had long since grown used to the surprising amount of knowledge Lily seemed to have of Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions. She was also adept at Charms, although in a more practical sense than how she seemed fluent in the theories of her other classes. He had always admired her determination and intelligence, as well as the kindness she contained. James let his eyes wander over her form as she diligently answered, “The Patronus Charm is used to repel Dark creatures, sir. Usually Dementors and the like.”
“Very good, Miss Evans. Five points to Gryffindor. Does anyone in the room know of the incantation for this particular spell?”
As always, no one in the Slytherin section bothered to raise a hand. Pleased to see that James Potter and Sirius Black had decided to participate in the class, Professor Scarbrough called on Sirius. Black grinned, throwing a triumphant glance at Potter who only shrugged indifferently and rolled his eyes.
“Expecto Patronum, sir.”
“Very good, Mister Black! Another five points to Gryffindor.” He turned and swished at the board again, and the words ‘Expecto Patronum’ appeared underneath the notes. “But you have to put a little more emphasis on the second syllable of both words, Master Black. Try it with me now, everyone: Expecto Patronum.”
The classroom echoed with the phrase, mostly bored tones from the Slytherin area, and genuine effort from the Gryffindors. Several students had to try a few times before they got it correctly; Professor Scarbrough wandered between the desks and corrected people’s pronunciations before returning to his desk again. As he was doing this, James’s attention wandered back to Lily Evans, who’s face was slightly scrunched up in concentration, committing the pronunciation and spell to memory. A ghost of a smile appeared on James’s lips as he let his eyes commit something to memory as well - Lily’s image.
James Potter knew that he really shouldn’t be staring at Lily during classes. It wasn’t a common occurrence: he really only eyed her during the odd class when Sirius, Remus and Peter weren’t doing their normal jobs of entertaining him. Like, the times when they were actually concentrating on things being said in class. He remembered the humongous crush he had on Evans two years ago; the thought of it alone causede a blush to grace his cheeks. He had been an overbearing git, he knew. But what else was a fifteen-going-on-sixteen year old going to do to gain a girl’s attention? Like any other stupid pubescent boy, he had chosen to show off and play it cool - none of which impressed Lily.
James had been confused for a while - wasn’t it what Sirius did all the time? And he was successful - but finally got the hint and retreated from annoying Lily at every turn. Instead he watched her silently from a distance, never confident enough to talk to her again. He thought his interests were waning over sixth year, even dating a bit here and there. But then Dumbledore had appointed him Head Boy, next to Lily’s Head Girl! It was a pleasant shock - although it only confirmed his suspicions that Dumbledore was off his rocker - and when he discovered that Lily was willing to forget what he termed ‘the Fifth Year incident’, they had started over.
Through their time spent together on various chores and duties, he found out that his affection for her was still there, and they only intensified as he got to know her better. Obviously not over personal issues, but she was a hard worker, organised, and passionate about what she did. From just another pretty face, she had turned into a confident, talented young woman with a bright future. Over time, James found he was interested to find out what the future held for Lily - and more than once he felt that he wanted to be a part of it.
Shaking his head at his delirious musings, he turned back to Professor Scarbrough who had finally finished his rounds of the classroom.
But it isn’t a bad idea, a voice whispered in James’s head as the professor addressed the class.
“Now, if everyone would move away from their desks, please?” Immediately, scraping of chairs and sounds of scrambling filled the air as people packed their things hurriedly into backpacks and stood away from their workstations. With a wave of his wand, Professor Scarbrough had stacked the furniture against the walls neatly. Remus had pulled Peter out of the way of a flying chair, but other than that, there were no mishaps. The professor nodded, satisfied, before asking his students to spread out in the room, finding themselves a space large enough so that they were at least an arm’s length away from everyone.
“Prongs! Stop it!” Remus hissed as James stuck out his arms and twirled madly, pushing Sirius and Peter out of his space. James merely smirked before standing still and looking up at Professor Scarbrough with an expression of innocence as clear as a cloudless blue sky. The professor did not deign a reaction to this, and continued forward.
“Now, everyone hold your wands out. There’s no silly swishing and waving for this particular spell. I want you all to try and cast it. Make sure you’re not pointing at anyone though - don’t want anyone to be unintentionally hurt.” Some Slytherins snickered at this, leering at the Gryffindors, but shifted uncomfortably as the Marauders threw them a grin, challenging them with their eyes. They bristled back in retort, but Professor Scarbrough interrupted, “On three, everyone! One, two, three - ”
“Expecto Patronum!”
Again, the classroom was filled with people chanting Expecto Patronum. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be happening. The Slytherins had stopped trying after a few times, annoyed and frustrated at their inability to produce anything. The Gryffindors were a bit more stubborn; they doggedly kept chanting the spell. Lily was among these students - she frowned in concentration, saying the incantation forcefully, but to no avail. No one noticed that James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew - after Remus whispered something in his ear, anyway - had not tried to master the spell at all.
Professor Scarbrough, after five minutes of this craze, had finally realized the abnormal quietness coming from that particular corner of the room and seen their relaxed, bored stances. He quickly called a stop for the pandemonium, before turning to face the four boys.
“Is there something you’d like to share with the class, boys?” Professor Scarbrough asked, knowing that one of them had probably already known the one fact that he had not shared with his students yet. “Mister Lupin?”
“If I may, sir,” James cut in smoothly. He glanced at his friend, who nodded, before turning back to the Professor. “The one most important thing to do when performing the Patronus charm is to think of happy thoughts. Otherwise the charm won’t work at all.”
“Well done, Mister Potter. Ten points to Gryffindor.” The professor addressed the class again, “Mister Potter is right. The main base of power for the Expecto Patronum is thoughts of joy. The more powerful the memories, the more powerful the Patronus. Can anyone tell me what a Patronus looks like?”
“Sir,” Lily started, “A Patronus is a silvery shape, and usually looks like an animal. The animal that best fits you, actually.”
“And well done again, Miss Evans! Another five points to Gryffindor!” The Slytherins muttered; already Gryffindor had earned itself twenty-five points in one lesson. Professor Scarbrough seemed to be a little point-happy today.
“Well, if you would only participate in class, you would have gained points, too, you know,” the professor reminded them reasonably, raising an eyebrow. At once, the murmurings stopped and silence met his ears.
Remus suddenly raised his hand, and the Professor nodded at him to continue.
“Sir, is there any possible way for a Patronus to change form, or animal?”
“Good question, Mister Lupin. Yes, but it is exceedingly rare. It only occurs when an incident or something happens that has a profound impact on the wizard or witch in question. A death is one such example. Patronuses are very unique, and they reflect your true person. Sometimes it can be linked to, or changed, by the people you love.”
At this, several Slytherins snickered and coughed conspicuously at the comment on love. Professor Scarbrough raised one eyebrow at them, but otherwise didn’t comment.
“Is that all your questions? Good. Well. Now, I would like you all to try again. Think of the happiest moments of your life, and really concentrate - that is extremely important! Without both concentration and happy memories, the spell will not produce anything. And don’t expect anything in the beginning. Most people usually accomplish this spell after they have graduated from wizarding school. You may begin!”
Lily bit her lip and closed her eyes, trying to bring up the happiest moments of her life. She remembered getting her Hogwarts letter, finding out she was a witch and able to perform magic. Opening her eyes, she said, “Expecto Patronum!”
Nothing happened.
Frowning again, Lily closed her eyes and summoned up another memory. Playing in the park with Petunia, back before they had fallen out, back when they still were the best of friends. Childhood innocence. Opening her eyes again, she said more forcefully, “Expecto Patronum!”
A little bit of faint silvery mist seemed to seep out of the tip of her wand. Triumph filled her as the Professor walked over to where she was, looking at the mist that had started to disappear.
“Excellent, Miss Evans! Amazing, especially on the first try! Well, well done!”
Lily blushed at the praise and looked at the floor again, although she couldn’t help but grin. She looked up again when the Professor had left, eyes scanning the room to see how the others were doing. The Slytherins weren’t doing a very good job - but then again, had they ever really had happy memories? - and her fellow housemates didn’t seem that well off either. But she finally twisted around to look towards the back of the classroom and widened her eyes in surprise.
James Potter had managed to get a silvery shape to appear, more than she could ever hope to accomplish. Sirius seemed to be slightly put off that his best friend had been able to pull it off so quickly, and was concentrating on getting the mist to appear. Remus was having no luck either, and poor Peter was saying the incantation all wrong.
Steeling herself, Lily whipped out her wand again, preparing herself for another try.
I need something happier, Lily thought, raking her mind for something suitable. There’s no bloody way I have never had a happy enough time for this spell.
Finally, she remembered her last visit to Hogsmeade and the time she had with Mary. It had been raining hard - pouring actually - but they hadn’t cared. Of course, they had tried to cover their hair with their arms as they ran towards Hogsmeade from Hogwarts. But before they were able to duck into any sort of cover, Mary had slipped on a slick part of the road, grabbing Lily’s robes and dragging her down with her. The next instant found them giggling and laughing madly, sitting in a large puddle under the torrential rain. It was one of the best days of her life; the threat of the Dark Lord far from her mind, all the stress from work and Prefect duties disappearing, her family’s misfortunes effectively buried - even if it was only for a moment. It had felt like there was nothing in the world except for that particular moment, dripping and completely drenched. Mary’s face so carefree and happy, the surroundings greying and blurring past her conscious vision…
Lily kept the image of Mary’s laughing face in the rain as she gripped her wand, pointing it in front of her.
“Expecto Patronum!” she cried, letting the joy from that day sweep through her into her wand. Suddenly, a burst of silver light emitted from her wand, making the room glow with an ethereal light. But just as quickly as it had appeared, the light extinguished quickly. Lily stared, shocked, at her wand, clasped tightly in her hand.
No one said anything for a moment. Out of the silence there was a cry of delight and Professor Scarbrough strode over to Lily, who was still standing there looking very shocked at her success.
“Astounding, Miss Evans! Congratulations to you! The most successful try we’ve seen today!” Professor Scarbrough beamed at Lily, who was still too shocked to do anything but stare between her teacher and her wand.
“Seriously!” Everyone turned to look at Sirius, who had broken the silence that the students had been observing. “James here was watching it the entire time, did you know that? Never saw his eyes pop out so far. Good show, Evans!”
Even without Sirius’s exagerrated, obvious elbow jab into James’s ribs, anyone could have guessed the sexual undertone he had been suggesting. For two seconds, no one reacted to Sirius’s latest insinuating comment. Then Peter started snickering, followed by some chortling from Remus, and the whole class was laughing. James took it in stride, although his ears seemed to have bloomed into an interesting shade of red.
“Congrats, Evans,” James said, trying to ignoring his guffawing friends. Lily immediately ducked her head, looking towards the floor again.
“Thanks, James,” she mumbled, keeping her gaze on the floor. James blinked, surprised that she had used his first name. She didn’t notice as the students began to pick up their bags from the sides of the classroom, getting ready for their next class.
“Good job, all of you! Continue working on your Patronuses in your spare time. We’ll hold a little contest in a few months to see who’s improved the farthest. The person with the most corporeal Patronus will receive a prize, and anyone else who tries gets extra credit! Oh, and another ten points to Gryffindor!”
The Slytherins grumbled after Professor Scarbrough’s announcement, sending glares towards the happily promenading Gryffindors. As all the students disappeared down the hallway, Lily hurriedly exited the room, last one out. She didn’t expect anyone to wait for her - where was Mary, anyway? - but was surprised to see James Potter standing outside of the classroom, apparently waiting for her.
“Hey, Evans,” James said, shooting her his trademark grin. She nodded, and continued walking, not sure of what to do. James fell in stride with her, and they walked awkwardly in silence before James spoke up.
“Good job back there, Evans.” Lily looked up and blinked in surprise. James smiled down at her. James actually hadn’t tried to ask her out at all these two years, which came as a shock to Lily. Sure, James hadn’t asked her out all the time in fifth year, but he did make it a point to remind her of his interest. Sixth year was a reprieve from all the attention, and Lily had been relieved. This year, however, she’d seen him more often than not with all their Head duties. She was pleasantly surprised to find that she liked James’s sense of humour as well as his charisma. He didn’t use his charm on her anymore than necessary, usually teasing her when they had some sort of disagreement over something or another. But he was good at compromising, and most of his ideas were good ones. He even took on his new title and responsibility with a level of effort that she didn’t know he had possessed in the first place. She didn’t know much about him personally, and she found a desire to delve into this new pile of mystery.
But she obviously couldn’t. Lily was popular - she knew that as well as any other person - but the difference was that she didn’t approach anyone. They all approached her. And she had no problem with that - she was normally nice, generous, and at odd times, bubbly. From what she could tell, anyway. But with James she couldn’t do that; really, she didn’t know what to do. He didn’t approach her, and she had never approached anyone. So, as a result, they barely knew each other.
Although all this was true, Lily could not help but feel the pull. She desperately wanted to respond - to figure out what was going on behind those hazel eyes she had become so used to seeing across the table at their meetings - to wonder why he was always ruffling his hair, why he put her off edge. Because he really did - she wasn’t sure if he knew he was doing it, or even if he had wanted to pursue after something more than just being co-workers, but the one thing Lily Evans was certain of was that she wanted to become friends - good, close friends, like she and Mary were - with James Potter.
Completely unaware of this fact, James continued, seemingly nonplussed as they continued their way to Transfiguration.
“You must have thought of something really happy back there, to have come up with something that good.” James paused to glance at Lily to see if she had a response. She didn’t, keeping her eyes focused on the path in front of her. “What was the memory, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Lily blinked again. This was the first time James had asked her anything personal in a long time. She wasn’t sure how to respond, but fell back to a failsafe approach - the truth.
“Mary and I in the rain.”
Now it was James’s turn to blink, astounded. For a minute there, he had thought she wasn’t going to answer him, but she had.
“Really? When was this? On the grounds sometime this year?”
“No. It was during the last Hogsmeade trip. Remember the severe rain that day?” James nodded. “Yeah, it was during then. We were running to get under cover when we slipped and fell, soaking our robes completely through. And instead of just getting up and continuing, we sat there for a long time, just laughing.”
James noticed the tiny smile appearing on Lily as they made their way through the throngs of students being herded to their next class. It brightened her face in such a small way… more like a soft glow than an intense glare.
“It was like it was just the two of us and nothing else. No more troubles, no impending doom - “ James chuckled at that “ - like it was… just us.”
“I know what you mean,” James said solemnly. “It’s the best feeling in the world, isn’t it? Feeling like there’s nothing to worry about in the world? No danger once we graduate?”
Lily shot James a small smile as they reached their Transfiguration classroom. “Yeah. Exactly that.”
“Well, you shouldn’t worry, Lily. I’m sure we’ll get out of it fine.” Lily stared at James as he headed over to his seat where his best mates were already seated. “Promise!”
Lily fell into her seat near the front of the classroom, and put on her best studious face as Professor McGonagall nodded at her and proceeded with the day’s lesson. But for some reason, Lily couldn’t focus on anything but a single word echoing in her head.
Promise…
.&.
That night, Lily stumbled into the Gryffindor common room late in the evening. By this time, most people were getting ready to retire to bed, or finishing up the last of that night’s homework. She noticed what looked like a very familiar head of blonde hair, and started towards the empty seat next to it.
She collapsed in the seat, dropping her books unceremoniously on the table. “Where have you been?” Lily asked, exasperated.
The head whipped around, and Lily coloured slightly under its gaze. This was in fact not Mary MacDonald - it was Remus Lupin from the Marauders gang.
He looked up, surprised, with his quill held mid-sentence. He hurriedly scribbled the rest of the sentence before giving Lily his full attention.
“Have you really been looking for me, Evans? Or have you mistaken me for someone else?”
His voice held no mocking or any kind of amusement, so Lily looked up to meet his gaze. He smiled at her kindly, in the sort of forgetful way that old historians or librarians had, but nonetheless was extremely friendly.
“Oh, well, um, that is - ” Lily stammered incoherently, “I thought you were, um, Mary. MacDonald? Yeah, Mary.”
Idiot, Lily berated herself. Remus, she saw now, had a particular shade of blond - darker, almost a faded blond-brown. Almost bronze, but with a lot more gold mixed in it. Mary’s locks were one hundred percent blonde, no extra colours mixed in. Lily decided she liked the colour of Remus’s hair.
Remus laughed, shaking his head and causing a lock of hair to fall into his eyes. “I have no idea where MacDonald is, Evans. But you’re welcome to call me Mary anytime you want.”
Lily flushed and smiled up shyly at Remus as he looked down at her kindly. Suddenly, behind him came a second roar of laughter, and Sirius appeared at Remus’s elbow.
“Mary? Why, Remus! Is there anything you haven’t told us? I wasn’t sure you were entirely male before, but now it seems I’ve got a bit more evidence for my argument - ”
“Shove off, wanker,” Remus mumbled, neck colouring. Lily ducked her head and bit her lip in an effort not to smile.
“Aw, come on, old pal!” Sirius smacked Remus a couple of times on the back, causing the poor boy to choke a little. “You know we’re only kidding. Kind of. Actually, not kidding at all. But still - ”
Remus had got up, calmly put his stuff together, bid Lily a good night, and finally grabbed Sirius’s ear, proceeding to haul him up the stairs to the boys’ dormitories.
“Lupin! Bloody hell, that hurts! Gerroffme! Geroffme I said!”
Lily watched silently as the boys disappeared before making one last glance around the room. Noting that her best friend was definitely not one of the blondes in the room, she made her way up to the seventh-year girls’ dormitory with her books.
Entering the room, she finally spotted her missing friend lying on her bed, doing homework.
“Mary!” she cried, dumping everything onto her bed before moving to sit beside her friend. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all day!”
“Sorry, Lily,” Mary replied, looking up at Lily sheepishly from her position on the bed. “I was in the hospital wing most of the day. Got back in the middle of dinner, which you never really returned from.”
“Hospital wing? What happened?”
“Well, I was trying this new spell for Charms yesterday, and apparently I must have cast a whole different spell that backfired on me. The effects didn’t appear till overnight, so I rushed over to Madame Pomfrey as soon as I figured out what happened.”
“Oh, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, really! Nothing Madame Pomfrey couldn’t fix, anyway.” Mary smiled up at her before scribbling the last bit to her Arithmancy homework.
“Well, guess what you’ve missed then!”
“Missed? Oh, I hope it’s not anything too interesting!”
“Unfortunately, Miss MacDonald, it was extremely interesting! We learnt something advanced in Defence today!”
“Oh, no, really?” Mary looked slightly crestfallen. Both Lily and Mary loved to learn advanced techniques in any class. Both of them joked that if they had had to be sorted into a different house, they would have both ended up in Ravenclaw.
“Yeah,” Lily exclaimed happily. “He started to teach us how to use the Patronus Charm!”
“The Patronus Charm?” Mary shrieked. “Oh, no! I can’t believe I missed that!”
“No, don’t worry! He said that we have a few months to try and master it. It’s quite difficult, though I’m sure we’ll manage.”
“Teach me now? That is, if you aren’t exhausted with your day.”
“Of course not! It would my pleasure,” Lily said chivalrously, attempting to sound like a hero in a cheesy romance novel. Both girls giggled as they retrieved their wands.
“Now, what you do is…”
.&.
A month later found Lily practicing in an abandoned courtyard. The weather was not at its best - grey and slightly foggy, the humidity so thick Lily could scarcely breathe - but she ignored that fact and focused all her attention on the task at hand.
Well, what if I combine two memories at the same time? she wondered, fingering her wand. Would the two joined amounts of happiness improve my Patronus? Let’s try it…
She pulled up her memory of Mary and her in the rain as well as the memory of Petunia and her at the neighbourhood playground. Opening her eyes, she shouted, “Expecto Patronum!” loudly into the quiet afternoon air.
The silvery light from class before burst from her wand again, although this time it seemed to glow even more brightly that before. A slight mist appeared this time, floating around Lily and filling her with feelings of joy and calm before fading into nothing again.
Proud of her accomplishment, Lily fell onto the grass unceremoniously, lying flat to stare at the cloudy sky. At this rate, I might be able to create a real Patronus, she thought happily. I wonder what my animal is? Maybe I’m a cat. Or a dog. Perhaps a hare!
Lily laughed out loud at the thought. A hare? I’d rather have something like a tiger… But a tiger doesn’t seem to work with the kind of person I am. Ha, Lily the tigress…
She chuckled, but almost choked on it when a pair of familiar hazel eyes and head of messy black locks appeared in her field of vision, blocking the clouds from her view. She hurriedly sat up, looking around herself frantically for her wand.
“Looking for this?”
Lily looked up and blushed as James held out her wand. She took it and let him help her up, dusting off her robes and refusing to meet his eyes.
After a moment’s silence, she demanded, “Why did you scare me like that?”
James laughed. “Well, you were just lying there… And I don’t think you would have realized I was there unless I made it pretty clear. What better way than standing over your head?”
Lily could think of a retort, but held her tongue. It wasn’t exactly an innocent retort; she had got a view of more than just his face when she had looked up from her position from the ground.
“Well, think of a better way next time!” was all she said when she finally got the courage to. James smiled pleasantly before running a hand through his messy hair again. In the second before she spoke, it hit Lily that the gesture didn’t annoy her anymore. Blinking in surprise, she asked, “So why were you looking for me?”
“Who said I was looking for you?”
“Well, there’s no one else here. So I’d assume if you came here you would be looking for me.”
“True, true. All right. So I was looking for you.”
“… Then why, Potter, were you looking for me?”
He shrugged.
“Not much of a reason. Just wanted to talk to someone.” Lily raised an eyebrow.
“And you just happened to choose me.” James looked shocked and offended.
“Of course I’d choose you, Evans darling! Who else in the world would I want to talk to as much as you?”
Lily laughed and shook her head, refusing to answer such a ridiculous suggestion. They stood in relatively comfortable silence as they watched the clouds swirl above their heads.
“Have you got far with the Patronus Charm, yet, Lily?”
“A little bit. Not quite. I still haven’t got to the point of corporeal-ness, but it’s much larger now. And brighter.”
“Good for you. Know what animal it’ll be?”
“No, not really. Actually, I was thinking about that when you came along.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I was wondering if I’d be a cat. Or a dog.”
James shook his head at both of these, and Lily looked up at him, clearly surprised.
“Really? How are you so sure?”
“I just don’t think you’re a cat type. Or a dog type, for that matter.” Lily frowned.
“Oh, really. And what do you think I’d be, then, since you claim to know all.” James laughed and smiled a secretive grin.
“Oh, I don’t know. I was just expressing my opinion.”
They were silent once more, both standing still as they watched the clouds grow thicker and darker with each passing second.
“We better get inside. Looks like it’s about to rain.”
Lily looked up at James, who still hadn’t turned away from the sky yet.
“James?”
He hummed an acknowledgement.
“Do you know what kind of animal your Patronus is?” A light seemed to sparkle in his eyes before he turned to look at her.
“I’ve got a hunch.”
“Really? What is it?”
James stood watching her silently for a moment. She looked up at him expectantly, red hair cascading down her shoulders and green eyes alight with curiosity. James had never seen her look more beautiful than she did now. Most people would have laughed at him and how lovesick he sounded, but he couldn’t shake the pull he felt whenever he was around her lately. He ignored it, and focused on her face and his image reflected in her eyes.
Then slowly, he bent down and softly caressed her lips with his own. Lily caught her breath as James kissed her, his movements always gentle. It was only two seconds before he released her, but still Lily felt it had taken weeks. Unsure of what to say, Lily could only stare up at James mutely, green eyes wide against her rosy cheeks.
He ran his eyes over her face, seeming to search for something. Lily watched as his eyes softened, satisfied. He smiled before walking away. Lily still hadn’t moved when he had turned around again and lifted his wand. She caught his eyes closing for a second before the incantation left his lips. James was already inside when Lily turned to look at the phantom shape.
Standing before her was a beautiful silver stag.
.&.
Behind a pillar, dark eyes narrowed as the silvery stag stood there, staring down at Lily Evans silently. The dark eyes flashed as Lily reached out to touch the creature; it bowed its head before finally dissipating in the oncoming darkness. At its disappearance, the spell seemed to be broken, and Lily backed up, startled. She turned and glanced at the clouds before hurrying away in the direction James had left.
When the last flash of red disappeared into the depths of Hogwarts, the figure stepped out into the darkness. A flash of thunder illuminated the courtyard; far away a low rumbling sounded. And still the figure stood there.
He stood and stared at the space where the stag had just occupied few moments ago. He remembered exactly how it looked, down to the very last detail. Then again, he had always had a good memory.
His eyes darkened as he thought over what he had just witnessed. He had just followed that person here and watched Lily and James as they sat in companionable silence. He had felt the intense anger, hurt, and jealousy stab his heart as he witnessed their kiss. He had wanted to run out there, throw his arms around that person, and shove the other away. He had wanted to scream, “Don’t touch her!” and then “Mine!” He had wanted to utter every single horrible curse he had ever learnt at them, wanted to stop them from touching each other, to stop the softness in both their eyes when they had broken away.
But he couldn’t.
He sank to his knees as he felt his helplessness - hopelessness - surround him like a suffocating cloak that he couldn’t for the life of him lift. Silently, he stared at the ground and let the overwhelming feeling of loss and hurt crash over him.
And when he finally felt wetness on his cheeks, he wasn’t even sure if it had come from the rain.
this fic is so long, this is only part one. omfg. pt. 2 here.