Single Again...
Well a week after me & bill's 18 month anniversary, I broke up with him. For the reasons of his lack of not wanting to come meet my family. That was really the only one thing I wanted him to do... Then I would have done anything he asked of me. He couldn't do just that one simple thing I asked, which hurts. He was so mad and upset at me at first. Saying I was most likely fooling around on him behind his back. *laughs* That was a lie, I been through break ups before... I know the stages and everything almost to a T. First the guys gets angry & upset, yelling and stuff at me saying anything to make himself feel better. I learn to take it and just roll with it. After that then it's the I am sorry for everything I said and did. Followed by can't we work it out stage to the final he understand and gets it and try to stay friends. Me & Bill are still in the stage of can't we work it out... So for the time being I asked him to break all contact with me and just focus on his work. I decided to break up with him now before him and the guys head on tour which will take them away to the UK for 4 to 5 months... I think that be more than enough time for both of us to heal and try to talk again when we were once just friends.
He did throw a name in my face about the whole going behind his back which was the only person I cheated on Bill with which was Robert... I love Rob as a good close and funny friend. I am more mad at myself for letting those feeling sway me to his bed. I know doing that has fucked up our friendship big time... I know it more of me not forgiving myself. Which I think once I do, I can start to fix everything. It's been 6 months since that sinful night... I regret it! If i could go back in time and make sure it didn't happen I would. I think Rob coming into the whole thing was a test that Me & Bill tried to pass and work thought but in the end failed. That one thing showed us all our other troubles came to face us. So I think rob was a bless in disguise for me. Open my eyes that me & bill relationship was never really going to work no matter how much we both wanted it too. Bill was not meant to be my forever. From our relationship I have learned so much and I have grown and still am growing from it.
I know I am really hurt and torn now. I know if me & Bill are to talk during this time, I know he will make me sway my choice and make me come back to him. I think he knows it as well, but for now he respects my choice and will obey it. I am happy, I want us to go back to being the best awesome friends we were. Rob, I am mad at him more so that he fucked me and ran away. BAND & LEAVE! I don't know the reasons behind it or why... Plus I don't EVER think we can work as a couple... One: He is SO IN LOVE with his ex gf, that she basically has ruined him for any other woman, which is fine shows he is loyal & true to his heart. Two: ANY FEELINGS Of More Than Friendship for him died that night. Which is great... I think we'd have ugly babies lmfao Plus he is tiny and small *shakes head* I like my guys to be taller than me I like to lean up to kiss them not down lol
Three: I found someone who means so much to me that it confuses me. I LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING IN ME, I want to make him happy, make him laugh & smile. He is so very close to me and precious that I consider him family. Plus he is Robert's Cousin and His Name Is Wolfgang AKA Buttercup
All I Know Is I want to make my friendship better with Rob for wolf's sake I don't want him feel awkward & like the child stuck in the middle of a divorce. So now I need to figure out how to talk to Rob once again... thinking of taking him to lunch or dinner soon. Just so we can talk and I can say my piece then we can move on. Then maybe we can all have fun together again. I really do miss our hang out times together.
Plus I want to better myself for the next girl I am with. After Bill I decided to remain single for at least a year and I want to only date girls for the next 2 or 3 years for now. Or at least stay away from men for a bit till I get my head back on straight and healed my heart. So here to better myself and starting a new chapter in my life solo. I am kind of excited about this and a little scared... something new to me. Too Use To Having Someone There... But I Got My Buttercup Who Just Fills In The Cracks & Pains. Just being around him I can't help but to laugh, smile. & be happy. I most not relay on him too much... cause I don't want to hurt him in anyway. He just means a lot to me, Wolf is like a snowflake on my hand... so delicate that you are so scared the slightest move might make it go away.
He did throw a name in my face about the whole going behind his back which was the only person I cheated on Bill with which was Robert... I love Rob as a good close and funny friend. I am more mad at myself for letting those feeling sway me to his bed. I know doing that has fucked up our friendship big time... I know it more of me not forgiving myself. Which I think once I do, I can start to fix everything. It's been 6 months since that sinful night... I regret it! If i could go back in time and make sure it didn't happen I would. I think Rob coming into the whole thing was a test that Me & Bill tried to pass and work thought but in the end failed. That one thing showed us all our other troubles came to face us. So I think rob was a bless in disguise for me. Open my eyes that me & bill relationship was never really going to work no matter how much we both wanted it too. Bill was not meant to be my forever. From our relationship I have learned so much and I have grown and still am growing from it.
I know I am really hurt and torn now. I know if me & Bill are to talk during this time, I know he will make me sway my choice and make me come back to him. I think he knows it as well, but for now he respects my choice and will obey it. I am happy, I want us to go back to being the best awesome friends we were. Rob, I am mad at him more so that he fucked me and ran away. BAND & LEAVE! I don't know the reasons behind it or why... Plus I don't EVER think we can work as a couple... One: He is SO IN LOVE with his ex gf, that she basically has ruined him for any other woman, which is fine shows he is loyal & true to his heart. Two: ANY FEELINGS Of More Than Friendship for him died that night. Which is great... I think we'd have ugly babies lmfao Plus he is tiny and small *shakes head* I like my guys to be taller than me I like to lean up to kiss them not down lol
Three: I found someone who means so much to me that it confuses me. I LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING IN ME, I want to make him happy, make him laugh & smile. He is so very close to me and precious that I consider him family. Plus he is Robert's Cousin and His Name Is Wolfgang AKA Buttercup
All I Know Is I want to make my friendship better with Rob for wolf's sake I don't want him feel awkward & like the child stuck in the middle of a divorce. So now I need to figure out how to talk to Rob once again... thinking of taking him to lunch or dinner soon. Just so we can talk and I can say my piece then we can move on. Then maybe we can all have fun together again. I really do miss our hang out times together.
Plus I want to better myself for the next girl I am with. After Bill I decided to remain single for at least a year and I want to only date girls for the next 2 or 3 years for now. Or at least stay away from men for a bit till I get my head back on straight and healed my heart. So here to better myself and starting a new chapter in my life solo. I am kind of excited about this and a little scared... something new to me. Too Use To Having Someone There... But I Got My Buttercup Who Just Fills In The Cracks & Pains. Just being around him I can't help but to laugh, smile. & be happy. I most not relay on him too much... cause I don't want to hurt him in anyway. He just means a lot to me, Wolf is like a snowflake on my hand... so delicate that you are so scared the slightest move might make it go away.