20...
This entry has a rant factor of 97 (out of 100)
More uni, more shenanigan filled nights with fantastic folk, more hours spent drinking coffee and day dreaming to 'In Mind', less time spent working. Things are nice, and with the somewhat minor exception of work, I can safely say that I am very much content at the moment, it's weird.
Change used to always be a really big thing for me, and it really annoyed me and made me feel like time was moving too fast for me, I just wanted everything and everyone to freeze in time and remain the same forever, or until I felt like it was time to move on.
I'm so fucking glad that I started this livejournal, and although just a few close friends have the occasional swatch at it, I look at past entries pretty much every day, and it's tought me a pretty fundamental life lesson; that things change quicker than you can say 'poopty pewpty pants', and I don't know how I would have noticed the actual speed and inevitibility of change without this piece of gibroni journal because it happens on a monthly basis...sometimes even a weekly basis. I'm not even talking about big 'eras' of my life like skatepark days or union nights, to me, change is just tiny things, wee short phases you go through, like when I used to go practice in Glowson, and we'd rattle out some bitchin' post rock tunes then always head for a pint and a burger in the Hogshead, then it would turn into 12 pints and we'd get rat arsed and banter to the high heavens - that was only a wee phase, maybe a few weeks or so, but that's something that probably won't happen again, and even if it did it would be completely different, and you wouldn't be able to put your finger on what was different, it might be better or worse, but it would never be the same as it was, this was only like a few months ago, and my life has changed like fuck. Union nights is another example but that's quite a big era. Everyone is going on about 'oh we need to get some union nights on the go now you and danny are back at uni' and fair enough there probably will be a few good nights, but it will be completely different from back in the day, again you wouldn't be able to put your finger on what it was. I kind of like that little things like that stay in the past and make room for new little things to replace them.
It's weird the way people and environments evolve around you without you noticing at all.
And when I say 'people' change, I don't mean the way people behave etc I mean the actual group of people. Everyone is still as immature and amazing as they've always been and the one thing I appreciate most in life is spending time with these ridiculous folk. Although there's always new people coming into your life, as close as they seem, they never compare to the people you grew up with through child/teenage-hood, because they are the folk that you can share stories and inside jokes with and share banter that makes you want to cry because it is just that good. Good banter really does make the world go round, the activity doesn't even matter at all, you could be drinking in somebodys house, or in a pub, or you could be having some lunch, or you could be out throwing badgers against steel drums and measuring the decibel level, as long as you have some interesting banter then you can have some 'good times' as they seem to be referred to mostly these days. I'm grateful that i'm not one of those really uptight people and that I can see the funny side to almost anything, I like the fact that my friends and myself can laugh about pretty much anything we encounter. And although I have my solid group of close friends, i've got tonnes more people to meet, how terribly exciting. To summarise this paragraph; Happiness is directly proportional to the amount of time spent with friends laughing about stupid shit.
Holy potato fork this rant is HOACHIN! I know what i'm getting at but I doubt anyone else will see it, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME IM SUCH A MIS-UNDA-STOOD ANGRY TEENAGER. I'm just getting started baby.
I've been reminiscing like fuck, more than ever, and the finger of blame is pointing directly at my date of birth, 20 in 10 days man, pretty fuckin' daunting. I thought i'd be fucking terribly depressed and self-loathing, but due to such a huge shift in the last few months or so it doesn't seem so bad. Seems that this time Mr.Change has given Philpo a break and said 'right ya fat cunt, let's get ye sorted cause yer nearly 20 and you still masturbate using your own tears as lubricant', and I said 'fuck, yes, Mr.Change, you truely are a kind and humble gentleman, please accept my apology for misinterpreting your intentions in the past' and he said 'I accept it Philpo, here take this'; and with his big meaty hand he gave to me the beautiful gift of nice change, not bad change. What the fuck am I even writing now? Jings..
I met my gran today, and she didn't know I was back in uni, she was so proud of me, made me really happy, I like feeling that my family are proud of me, i'm not really much of a family guy but it's always nice to know that you're not the loser of the family, which I always imagined I would be. Strangely enough, when I was sitting next to the phone thinking of phoning up uni and trying to get in, the one deciding factor was knowing how proud my mum would be that i'm going back. I think the world of my mates and i'm not afraid to say it, but I never thought I was much of a family guy, lovely eh?
I'm glad that I overcame the whole self-loathing thing, I suppose i'm pretty confident about everything now (that doesn't involve females, sorry ladies I know he's an oiled up piece of machinery, but Philpo is a pansy) i'm pretty confident in myself in terms of what I believe in and where my life is headed which is really the most important thing to me.
It sounds like i've grown out of my love for getting wasted and generally offending people, how incredibly wrong. The next 4 years is just going to be a delicate balance of uni/boozing/lazing the fuck out. The future's bright, the future's Philpo.
So when that faithful day comes when I turn 20, i'll stick my middle finger up to it and say 'so fuck mate?', i'll gee it a square go. prick that it is. 21 annoys me, what's the big fucking deal about 21? pure ridiculous age, 20 is the big one, you're no longer a teenager..but 21!? what the actual fuck, if you're in America, congratulations you can now live properly, but not here. You don't have a big celebration for your 51st birthday or your 81st birthday, no, you celebrate the decade marks because 10 years is a long fucking time. Anyone enquiring about 'what i'm doing for my 21st' will be munching on my fist.
20 is a huge deal to me, but I welcome it with open arms(I know I told it to fuck off earlier but I was merely saying that it's only 20, not 30 or 40), it's the start of a whole new 10 years of unpredictable life (30 of course being the next milestone, not 31)
I don't think that what you do on your birthday matters a great deal, on important milestones like this I think it's nice to have a wee think about things and be fucking grateful for every single tiny thing, if you can't, you're a cunt (and I don't mean 'oh I have a tv but the poor Africans don't'...fuck the Africans, they're not even missing much anyway, I find myself flicking from channel to channel every 3 fuckin' seconds).
I don't think i've ever been properly content until round about the last few weeks or so, it's just a complete change in mentality that's triggered it, I don't really know what that mentality is...well the past 96 paragraphs try to explain it...but it's definetly a good way to be, and it's nice that this huge change has happened round about the 20 years mark.
That hunk of bohemian shite took 2 hours to write, I done alot of reminiscing and I also went down to taste the (FULL) duck that I reduced to 40p, fuckin' bitchin' if I must say so myself, well I MUST say so myself because chances are that nobody else will tell me how good MY dinner is, if they did then i'd learn to do the splits, why? because fuck you.
If anyone reads this, please leave some thoughts, you don't need an account.
Thank you, goodnight, much love.
More uni, more shenanigan filled nights with fantastic folk, more hours spent drinking coffee and day dreaming to 'In Mind', less time spent working. Things are nice, and with the somewhat minor exception of work, I can safely say that I am very much content at the moment, it's weird.
Change used to always be a really big thing for me, and it really annoyed me and made me feel like time was moving too fast for me, I just wanted everything and everyone to freeze in time and remain the same forever, or until I felt like it was time to move on.
I'm so fucking glad that I started this livejournal, and although just a few close friends have the occasional swatch at it, I look at past entries pretty much every day, and it's tought me a pretty fundamental life lesson; that things change quicker than you can say 'poopty pewpty pants', and I don't know how I would have noticed the actual speed and inevitibility of change without this piece of gibroni journal because it happens on a monthly basis...sometimes even a weekly basis. I'm not even talking about big 'eras' of my life like skatepark days or union nights, to me, change is just tiny things, wee short phases you go through, like when I used to go practice in Glowson, and we'd rattle out some bitchin' post rock tunes then always head for a pint and a burger in the Hogshead, then it would turn into 12 pints and we'd get rat arsed and banter to the high heavens - that was only a wee phase, maybe a few weeks or so, but that's something that probably won't happen again, and even if it did it would be completely different, and you wouldn't be able to put your finger on what was different, it might be better or worse, but it would never be the same as it was, this was only like a few months ago, and my life has changed like fuck. Union nights is another example but that's quite a big era. Everyone is going on about 'oh we need to get some union nights on the go now you and danny are back at uni' and fair enough there probably will be a few good nights, but it will be completely different from back in the day, again you wouldn't be able to put your finger on what it was. I kind of like that little things like that stay in the past and make room for new little things to replace them.
It's weird the way people and environments evolve around you without you noticing at all.
And when I say 'people' change, I don't mean the way people behave etc I mean the actual group of people. Everyone is still as immature and amazing as they've always been and the one thing I appreciate most in life is spending time with these ridiculous folk. Although there's always new people coming into your life, as close as they seem, they never compare to the people you grew up with through child/teenage-hood, because they are the folk that you can share stories and inside jokes with and share banter that makes you want to cry because it is just that good. Good banter really does make the world go round, the activity doesn't even matter at all, you could be drinking in somebodys house, or in a pub, or you could be having some lunch, or you could be out throwing badgers against steel drums and measuring the decibel level, as long as you have some interesting banter then you can have some 'good times' as they seem to be referred to mostly these days. I'm grateful that i'm not one of those really uptight people and that I can see the funny side to almost anything, I like the fact that my friends and myself can laugh about pretty much anything we encounter. And although I have my solid group of close friends, i've got tonnes more people to meet, how terribly exciting. To summarise this paragraph; Happiness is directly proportional to the amount of time spent with friends laughing about stupid shit.
Holy potato fork this rant is HOACHIN! I know what i'm getting at but I doubt anyone else will see it, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME IM SUCH A MIS-UNDA-STOOD ANGRY TEENAGER. I'm just getting started baby.
I've been reminiscing like fuck, more than ever, and the finger of blame is pointing directly at my date of birth, 20 in 10 days man, pretty fuckin' daunting. I thought i'd be fucking terribly depressed and self-loathing, but due to such a huge shift in the last few months or so it doesn't seem so bad. Seems that this time Mr.Change has given Philpo a break and said 'right ya fat cunt, let's get ye sorted cause yer nearly 20 and you still masturbate using your own tears as lubricant', and I said 'fuck, yes, Mr.Change, you truely are a kind and humble gentleman, please accept my apology for misinterpreting your intentions in the past' and he said 'I accept it Philpo, here take this'; and with his big meaty hand he gave to me the beautiful gift of nice change, not bad change. What the fuck am I even writing now? Jings..
I met my gran today, and she didn't know I was back in uni, she was so proud of me, made me really happy, I like feeling that my family are proud of me, i'm not really much of a family guy but it's always nice to know that you're not the loser of the family, which I always imagined I would be. Strangely enough, when I was sitting next to the phone thinking of phoning up uni and trying to get in, the one deciding factor was knowing how proud my mum would be that i'm going back. I think the world of my mates and i'm not afraid to say it, but I never thought I was much of a family guy, lovely eh?
I'm glad that I overcame the whole self-loathing thing, I suppose i'm pretty confident about everything now (that doesn't involve females, sorry ladies I know he's an oiled up piece of machinery, but Philpo is a pansy) i'm pretty confident in myself in terms of what I believe in and where my life is headed which is really the most important thing to me.
It sounds like i've grown out of my love for getting wasted and generally offending people, how incredibly wrong. The next 4 years is just going to be a delicate balance of uni/boozing/lazing the fuck out. The future's bright, the future's Philpo.
So when that faithful day comes when I turn 20, i'll stick my middle finger up to it and say 'so fuck mate?', i'll gee it a square go. prick that it is. 21 annoys me, what's the big fucking deal about 21? pure ridiculous age, 20 is the big one, you're no longer a teenager..but 21!? what the actual fuck, if you're in America, congratulations you can now live properly, but not here. You don't have a big celebration for your 51st birthday or your 81st birthday, no, you celebrate the decade marks because 10 years is a long fucking time. Anyone enquiring about 'what i'm doing for my 21st' will be munching on my fist.
20 is a huge deal to me, but I welcome it with open arms(I know I told it to fuck off earlier but I was merely saying that it's only 20, not 30 or 40), it's the start of a whole new 10 years of unpredictable life (30 of course being the next milestone, not 31)
I don't think that what you do on your birthday matters a great deal, on important milestones like this I think it's nice to have a wee think about things and be fucking grateful for every single tiny thing, if you can't, you're a cunt (and I don't mean 'oh I have a tv but the poor Africans don't'...fuck the Africans, they're not even missing much anyway, I find myself flicking from channel to channel every 3 fuckin' seconds).
I don't think i've ever been properly content until round about the last few weeks or so, it's just a complete change in mentality that's triggered it, I don't really know what that mentality is...well the past 96 paragraphs try to explain it...but it's definetly a good way to be, and it's nice that this huge change has happened round about the 20 years mark.
That hunk of bohemian shite took 2 hours to write, I done alot of reminiscing and I also went down to taste the (FULL) duck that I reduced to 40p, fuckin' bitchin' if I must say so myself, well I MUST say so myself because chances are that nobody else will tell me how good MY dinner is, if they did then i'd learn to do the splits, why? because fuck you.
If anyone reads this, please leave some thoughts, you don't need an account.
Thank you, goodnight, much love.