Between you and me~
Well i thought after my last entry id probberly have a rarther uneventfull evening.just had a mass bath which seems to be my solution for when im ultra frustrated/upset etc i propperly had it going on candles, insence, mucho amount of warm towels,lights down and some mucho relaxing music going on with a steaming hot bath.im sure i sound such a lame wussy but i heart it so badly i must of spent over i think 3 hours just soaking and thinking about everything and trying to wash my probblems away and relax,i finally and i sounds so wierd but actually feel clean now because recently ive just felt so dutty and rancid.im feeling alot more content and at ease and to be honest its only because of a select few people who have really helped me.
i was randomly bored and browseing when i came across something about me and it propperly tore me apart because firstly it was from someone i used to really care about untill i hear shes talking about me behind my back and indlugeing in my personal life and thats why i stopped speaking to her because i was so hurt shed do that to me.and then she does it again i just wanted to break down and then read something by someone else who i do and i think recently especailly care about alot and value emensely and when i read this thing she said it crushed me and nearly broke down and i think if it wasnt for the fact mother was in the room i probberly would of i really had to fight it off and just suck it up more then ever i feel really retarded now because id jumped to conclusions and should of known better but at the time being me i lost it.ive been such an emotional retard and the smallest things have really sent me in a downward spiral because feels like its all getting way to much to comprehend.i asked the person i should of known better to think shed be like that and cleared it up and felt really bad i thought what i did just at the time i wasnt exactly in the clearest of mind sets and then also because i was so paranoid and scared of what else might of been said or going on to a certain lassy i really and sure scare her lol like a lot and she was well awsome about it and made things i usually find almost nigh impossible divulge or express alot easyier and was really ahem touching.i do have a lot to thank her for because im sure most people would of probberly just not even speak to me lol!i was still so hurt by this other person though who seems to get envolved with things id really much rarther her not because she hasnt got a clue about things really i admit befor in the past i should of handled situtations alot better and know ive been a real anus but theres so much more to it then she knew about it and she doesnt know how i feel or even what im like.i couldnt handle it happening again.i just hope and thats all i really can do that she doesnt get envolved anymore on my personal things because i dont see how she could say some of the things like watch it when she doesnt know how im feeling.im just glad this person i care about was so awsome about it because i admit id be devastated if it mucked up because someone else was getting envolved and saying things about me when they havent a clue who iam.sorry that totally im sure didnt make sense and i was just repeatting myself.
im contemplateing and im sure people will just laugh at me going straight edge well okays basically only drinking when im out and when i get home the partying stop and to also try and kick smokeing which i know is something which will be be really hard,what an addict lol!i despise it i hate how i act as well when over the top intoxicated,i think the last week or so of complete up and down constantly on the emotional and feeling scale has been due to the fact of how much i was consumeing and the one night where i have to just clean my act up and not drink things feel a lot more clear and easyier to get to grips with.im actually quite looking forward to the gig tommorow because they were like the band many a year ago influenced alot of what i listen too and an added bonus of tommorow is the fact planes mistaken for stars who ive been dyeing to see for so many years as well are playing i couldnt believe there actually playing in england let alone nottingham as support to the ataris,being a hypocrite probberly now but so long as i see them i dont care about the ataris lol!kris roe is a demon i have to admit.suka college tommorow not going to like the early start lol!
i was randomly bored and browseing when i came across something about me and it propperly tore me apart because firstly it was from someone i used to really care about untill i hear shes talking about me behind my back and indlugeing in my personal life and thats why i stopped speaking to her because i was so hurt shed do that to me.and then she does it again i just wanted to break down and then read something by someone else who i do and i think recently especailly care about alot and value emensely and when i read this thing she said it crushed me and nearly broke down and i think if it wasnt for the fact mother was in the room i probberly would of i really had to fight it off and just suck it up more then ever i feel really retarded now because id jumped to conclusions and should of known better but at the time being me i lost it.ive been such an emotional retard and the smallest things have really sent me in a downward spiral because feels like its all getting way to much to comprehend.i asked the person i should of known better to think shed be like that and cleared it up and felt really bad i thought what i did just at the time i wasnt exactly in the clearest of mind sets and then also because i was so paranoid and scared of what else might of been said or going on to a certain lassy i really and sure scare her lol like a lot and she was well awsome about it and made things i usually find almost nigh impossible divulge or express alot easyier and was really ahem touching.i do have a lot to thank her for because im sure most people would of probberly just not even speak to me lol!i was still so hurt by this other person though who seems to get envolved with things id really much rarther her not because she hasnt got a clue about things really i admit befor in the past i should of handled situtations alot better and know ive been a real anus but theres so much more to it then she knew about it and she doesnt know how i feel or even what im like.i couldnt handle it happening again.i just hope and thats all i really can do that she doesnt get envolved anymore on my personal things because i dont see how she could say some of the things like watch it when she doesnt know how im feeling.im just glad this person i care about was so awsome about it because i admit id be devastated if it mucked up because someone else was getting envolved and saying things about me when they havent a clue who iam.sorry that totally im sure didnt make sense and i was just repeatting myself.
im contemplateing and im sure people will just laugh at me going straight edge well okays basically only drinking when im out and when i get home the partying stop and to also try and kick smokeing which i know is something which will be be really hard,what an addict lol!i despise it i hate how i act as well when over the top intoxicated,i think the last week or so of complete up and down constantly on the emotional and feeling scale has been due to the fact of how much i was consumeing and the one night where i have to just clean my act up and not drink things feel a lot more clear and easyier to get to grips with.im actually quite looking forward to the gig tommorow because they were like the band many a year ago influenced alot of what i listen too and an added bonus of tommorow is the fact planes mistaken for stars who ive been dyeing to see for so many years as well are playing i couldnt believe there actually playing in england let alone nottingham as support to the ataris,being a hypocrite probberly now but so long as i see them i dont care about the ataris lol!kris roe is a demon i have to admit.suka college tommorow not going to like the early start lol!