The truth about strong people is that they are inevitably weak in all situations, and in that weakness, have learned how to totally surrender everything wholly to God
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That's why you're so one of my favorite lj'ers! Seriously. I'm not just sucking up because you leave me comments. Haha.
I get asked that a lot, too. And I know how you feel about seeing that we struggle just as much as those who ask us these silly questions. But what I also see is that by the end of each and every day, and throughout most, I possess joy and peace and the comfort in understanding that God's got all this under control, that everything bad that happens can be used for God's glory and that it's all shaping me somehow, someway.
As for leadership, pray about it. I felt so unfit the first billion times someone asked me to teach youth or WIRED & LETHAL or something. Then finally, I really heard God for the 10,000th time telling me that I had something to share and I needed to offer that to others. I was so shy, too. It was terrible, haha. But, to stand in front of a congregation of adults and see almost every eye in the house bearing tears... that is a touching experience. To not really remember much of what I said because I was so overhwhelmed by God's spirit, and all the Words just went from up there to out my mouth, and it's exhilarating. It's amazing. I felt so unfit, but when I thought about it.. we all are, we're just redeemed by someone who can fix all the stupid stuff that's wrong with us.
As for that whole can't help but believing: Yes! My favorite quote is: Not because I feel obligated, not because I fear death or pain or suffering, not because I feel weak or insignificant, not because others believe it, and not because others don't. I believe I am a Christian simply because I can't help it. I use it on everything, my signature, my away message sometimes, etc. But I've been doing the God thing since I was 5. And all the times I've been stupid and blackslidden and been retarded, I've done just sas you said, I kept coming back for more. God is so gracious to take us back in times like He has for me.
I used to wonder how God could use me. I didn't come to know Him until I was 23, and I was living in a battered women's shelter, hiding from a man who tried to take my life. I was a drug addict, I had given my child over to social services, and I had just come out of the mental hospital for the fifth time in one year. How could God possibly use someone like that, I wondered.
And then He let me in on a secret. All those pious people sitting in church with smug looks on their faces are hurting, too. One night in Bible study, a crack addict and prostitute shouted, "People like you help people like me, not some goody-two-shoes who don't know nothing." I can't tell you how many times young girls have come to me to show me the cut marks on their arms or to tell me that they have been hearing voices. They look at me, and I see the shadow of my old self. And I understand how God can use me.
I'm suppossed to give another testimony soon because one of the elder's wives said, "Heather, people need to hear about your healing." I've come to realize that whenever God does something in us, we have a responsibility to tell others. I want the world to know that Gos is still in the miracle making business!!!
Are you on AIM much? I'd like to talk to you sometime. I'm FindingMyDarcy.
That is such a powerful testimony. It's frustrating sometimes when peole disregard everything I have to say because I've never experienced drug addictions or homelessness or some things. God can use you so, so much. That's awesome.
That middle paragraph is highly true AND reminds me of that book The Yada Yada Prayer Group by Neta Jackson. If you haven't read it yet, DO. There's even a sequel out now. The first one is the pink one. They're both amazing books. I buzzed through them in like a couple days each. In the first, it hit me hardcore when one of the women who was a recovered drug addict who had given her child up and all this stuff was telling the middle class white married Baptist preacher's daughter lady about how she needs forgiveness just as much as she (the girl talking) did. Gah, it's so hard to explain online. But, the book made me bawl, and it made me feel so convicted. It's so natural for me to think sometimes that I'm a "better Christian" than some people because I've never killed anyone or this or that, but every day I do stupid things that push me from God's presence, just like everyone else does, and God doesn't categorize sin.
And when God heals us, we do have that responsibility, but at the same time, I can't help but want to tell people all the time! I don't even care if they think I'm psychotic or not, and once you don't care anymore and you tell everyone, it's awesome how most people don't think that at all.
I'm never on AIM. But I am right now. I'm so adding you. <3
I get asked that a lot, too. And I know how you feel about seeing that we struggle just as much as those who ask us these silly questions. But what I also see is that by the end of each and every day, and throughout most, I possess joy and peace and the comfort in understanding that God's got all this under control, that everything bad that happens can be used for God's glory and that it's all shaping me somehow, someway.
As for leadership, pray about it. I felt so unfit the first billion times someone asked me to teach youth or WIRED & LETHAL or something. Then finally, I really heard God for the 10,000th time telling me that I had something to share and I needed to offer that to others. I was so shy, too. It was terrible, haha. But, to stand in front of a congregation of adults and see almost every eye in the house bearing tears... that is a touching experience. To not really remember much of what I said because I was so overhwhelmed by God's spirit, and all the Words just went from up there to out my mouth, and it's exhilarating. It's amazing. I felt so unfit, but when I thought about it.. we all are, we're just redeemed by someone who can fix all the stupid stuff that's wrong with us.
As for that whole can't help but believing: Yes! My favorite quote is: Not because I feel obligated, not because I fear death or pain or suffering, not because I feel weak or insignificant, not because others believe it, and not because others don't. I believe I am a Christian simply because I can't help it. I use it on everything, my signature, my away message sometimes, etc. But I've been doing the God thing since I was 5. And all the times I've been stupid and blackslidden and been retarded, I've done just sas you said, I kept coming back for more. God is so gracious to take us back in times like He has for me.
God is indeed good, so good. <3
Reply
And then He let me in on a secret. All those pious people sitting in church with smug looks on their faces are hurting, too. One night in Bible study, a crack addict and prostitute shouted, "People like you help people like me, not some goody-two-shoes who don't know nothing." I can't tell you how many times young girls have come to me to show me the cut marks on their arms or to tell me that they have been hearing voices. They look at me, and I see the shadow of my old self. And I understand how God can use me.
I'm suppossed to give another testimony soon because one of the elder's wives said, "Heather, people need to hear about your healing." I've come to realize that whenever God does something in us, we have a responsibility to tell others. I want the world to know that Gos is still in the miracle making business!!!
Are you on AIM much? I'd like to talk to you sometime. I'm FindingMyDarcy.
Reply
That middle paragraph is highly true AND reminds me of that book The Yada Yada Prayer Group by Neta Jackson. If you haven't read it yet, DO. There's even a sequel out now. The first one is the pink one. They're both amazing books. I buzzed through them in like a couple days each. In the first, it hit me hardcore when one of the women who was a recovered drug addict who had given her child up and all this stuff was telling the middle class white married Baptist preacher's daughter lady about how she needs forgiveness just as much as she (the girl talking) did. Gah, it's so hard to explain online. But, the book made me bawl, and it made me feel so convicted. It's so natural for me to think sometimes that I'm a "better Christian" than some people because I've never killed anyone or this or that, but every day I do stupid things that push me from God's presence, just like everyone else does, and God doesn't categorize sin.
And when God heals us, we do have that responsibility, but at the same time, I can't help but want to tell people all the time! I don't even care if they think I'm psychotic or not, and once you don't care anymore and you tell everyone, it's awesome how most people don't think that at all.
I'm never on AIM. But I am right now. I'm so adding you. <3
Reply
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