Last Resort
I am writing in this as a last resort. I'm so used to having people to talk to that I don't really feel the need to write anymore. Still, I'm not close enough to anyone to talk about the things I write on here.
I had a realization yesterday. I realized that I have a tendency to be very above average at almost anything I do, as long as I do it on instinct. Everything from driving to even just talking to girls. If I get a look from a girl and give myself the time to think about it, there's no way I will talk to her. But if I just go do it, I'll probably get somewhere. All of my internal dialogue is bad. I don't know how to fix it. I can motivate myself for a while but as soon as I make even the tiniest mistake, I blow it way out of proportion and it cascades. Which leads me to the revelation I had today.
I am shattered inside. No matter how good things get for me, I will always be broken inside. Today was the worst its been in quite a while. Usually when I start feeling shitty I go work out and then I feel at least a little better. Today I went to the gym and gave up way early. I just felt too hopeless, and too isolated. I still feel that way. Hell I had tears in my eyes while I was working.
Its always a debate for me whether or not these feelings are justified. I never reach a conclusion.
I have a lunch date with two hot asian girls tomorrow, hopefully I will feel better by then. I am going to make an attempt to post pictures. Will I be in them? Maybe.
I had a realization yesterday. I realized that I have a tendency to be very above average at almost anything I do, as long as I do it on instinct. Everything from driving to even just talking to girls. If I get a look from a girl and give myself the time to think about it, there's no way I will talk to her. But if I just go do it, I'll probably get somewhere. All of my internal dialogue is bad. I don't know how to fix it. I can motivate myself for a while but as soon as I make even the tiniest mistake, I blow it way out of proportion and it cascades. Which leads me to the revelation I had today.
I am shattered inside. No matter how good things get for me, I will always be broken inside. Today was the worst its been in quite a while. Usually when I start feeling shitty I go work out and then I feel at least a little better. Today I went to the gym and gave up way early. I just felt too hopeless, and too isolated. I still feel that way. Hell I had tears in my eyes while I was working.
Its always a debate for me whether or not these feelings are justified. I never reach a conclusion.
I have a lunch date with two hot asian girls tomorrow, hopefully I will feel better by then. I am going to make an attempt to post pictures. Will I be in them? Maybe.