Matrimonial Surprises (12a/?)
Summary: What happens after Jeff and Annie's unplanned Las Vegas wedding.
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Word Count: 6,276
Disclaimer: Not mine!
A/N: Baby time! (I’ve never had a baby). I’m really sorry about the formatting here. I’ve spent the last hour trying to fix it and the LJ “editor” isn’t letting me edit a damn thing.
Jeff tugged a hoodie off of a hanger in the closet and shrugged it on before leaving the bedroom to check the thermostat in the hallway, he frowned when he saw the air conditioner was set on 65 degrees. “Annie!”
“What?” She called back from the couch.
“Are you just going to keep turning the AC down lower and lower? Yesterday you had it on 67. It’s freezing in here.”
“Well I’m burning up over here so don’t touch it.”
“I don’t even want to know what the electric bill is gonna be this month,” He muttered.
Annie watched him as he came into the living room. “It’s your fault anyway.”
Jeff stopped dead in front of the couch and raised an eyebrow, “Care to explain that one?”
“You’re the one who got me pregnant in October so I’m nine months along in the middle of summer. I feel like I’m in an oven 24/7.”
He huffed out a laugh as he sat down beside her. “Sorry, I can’t really control what my sperm do once they leave my body.”
Annie’s head fell to his shoulder, “I’m so sick of being pregnant. My back hurts, my hips hurt, I can’t sleep, I have to pee every five minutes, and I’m just as sick of the mood swings as you are. I want her out.”
Jeff shifted so she could more easily lean against him and ran his fingers up and down her arm. “I know, kiddo. I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“I read that contact with semen can help soften the cervix and trigger labor.”
“Hmm, your dirty talk could use some work.”
“Jeff!” She whined. “You put her in me, the least you can do is help get her out.”
“You’re not due for another five days, she probably isn’t ready to come out yet.”
“She’s ready, Dr. Lewis even said at my last check up that she could come at any time. She’s big enough and her lungs are developed. Now she’s just being stubborn.”
“Well she is our kid, I’m pretty sure it’s in her DNA to be stubborn.”
Annie titled her head back so he was upside down in her field of vision. “But why does she have to be stubborn about this?” She whined.
He sighed and leaned down to kiss her hair. “I don’t know, babe.”
Annie sighed and snuggled her head back into his shoulder. “My dad called me today,” she said after a minute.
Jeff’s fingers stilled on her arm for just a moment before he started again. “How’d that go?”
“Good. He just wanted to see how I was doing. He said that if it was okay with me he’d like to come visit after the baby is born so he can meet her.”
“Hmm, and is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, I think it is. I want her to have a grandfather in her life so I’ll give him a shot.”
“God knows she isn’t going to get that from my dad. He’s shown about as much interest in being a grandfather as he did for being a father. Although Willy is looking forward to having a niece. I was texting with him the other day and he said he bought her some toys.”
“Aww, really? I know he’s a little…”
“Out there?” He supplied.
“For lack of a better word, but he’s sweet. I’m glad you’ve kept in contact with him, I think it’s good for both of you. You’re a man he can look up to, he needs that.”
“I’m not sure I’m the person he should be looking up to,” Jeff murmured.
Annie gave his thigh a reassuring squeeze, “Five years ago I would have agreed but now I think you’re a good role model for him.”
Suddenly she drew in a sharp breath through her teeth and winced. “Ugh, I think she just hit my hip bone. It feels like my uterus is going to burst out of my body. That can happen, right? I’m 99% sure that can happen.”
He chuckled and slid his hand around to her stomach so he could feel the baby moving under his palm. “If it didn’t happen to the woman who had octuplets I doubt it will happen to you.”
“I swear to God if she’s one of those babies that doesn’t come until a week and a half after the due date I’m going to freak the fuck out.”
Jeff raised an eyebrow, “What happened to no swearing in front of the baby? Yesterday I said ‘shit’ and got in trouble.”
Annie huffed and snapped her head around to look at him, “I’ll tell you what, when she’s clawing at you from the inside then you can say whatever you want. Deal?”
Jeff pursed his lips and fought off every instinct he had that was telling him to argue back. He had to keep reminding himself that arguing in court for a paycheck was good, arguing with a very pregnant and hormonal Annie just to prove a point was bad, very, very bad. Instead he took a deep breath in through his nose then let it out slowly and changed the subject. “So, what do you want for dinner?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You’re always hungry.”
“Well now I’m not,” Annie huffed.
Jeff squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m just trying to help here, Annie. I’ve never done this before either and I’m doing the best I can. What’s a conversation that you do want to have then?”
Annie perked up and Jeff immediately knew that this wasn’t going to be a conversation he wanted to have any part in.
“Let’s talk about the wedding.”
Jeff screwed up his face, “Ugh.”
With no small amount of effort Annie pushed herself out from under his arm and turned her body to face him. “Jeff, we have to talk about it! We’re walking into a potential mind field here with the guest list alone! Do we invite your brother but not your Dad, my Dad but not my Mom? She’ll hear about it from my grandmother and aunt eventually.”
“Annieee,” Jeff whined, “do we have to talk about this now? We have bigger things to worry about than family politics.”
“But what about people from Greendale?” Annie continued. “Neil and Vicki? Magnitude? Dean Pelton, Ch-“
Jeff’s eyes went wide and he silenced her with a finger over her lips before she could even get out the name. “I know you weren’t just about to suggest that we invite Chang to our wedding.”
She shrugged one shoulder and had the decency to look a tiny bit ashamed. “He’s not that bad anymore. And after all, we met because of his class.”
“So? We met because we both happened to enroll in it, it had nothing to do with who the teacher was. And I use the term ‘teacher’ lightly.”
“But he was such a big part of our time there,” Annie pouted.
Jeff shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “For all the wrong reasons! He tormented us as a teacher, smashed my windshield, got me tased, became the worst roommate anyone could ever have, was the reason I nearly overdosed on monkey gas, got us expelled then tried to kill us all, then faked amnesia.”
Annie fiddled with the hem of his hoodie, “Okay, yeah, but he hasn’t done anything like that since we’ve graduated.”
Jeff eyed her skeptically, “And did you ever consider that’s because we’ve only seen him a handful of times since then?”
She sighed dramatically as she dropped his hem and threw her hands down on the couch with a thud. “Well what about Dean Pelton?”
“The only person I want feeling me up on my wedding day is the bride. He’ll cry more than my mother.”
Annie’s expression turned much more playful. She walked her fingers up his thigh then slowly up his crotch and settled on his belt buckle. “Oh, you can count on me feeling you up.”
Jeff’s breathing sped up a little as he watched her hand moving over his lap. “Annie…”
“Yes?” She asked as she batted her eyelashes at him.
“I know what you’re doing.”
She slid her fingers under the waist of his shorts to tickle the skin there. “And what’s that?”
“You’re trying to get me hard so I’ll have sex with you.” His eyes fluttered when she leaned forward to kiss his neck.
“Hmm, feels like it’s working, too,” Annie murmured against his skin.
Jeff shifted his hips and pulled back a little. “Annie, wait, you know it makes me uncomfortable to do it now that she’s so close. It’s like having sex with a newborn right next to you. It’s weird.”
Annie sat back with a little huff, “Well then think about this instead. After she’s born it will be at least six weeks until you get to have sex again. Six weeks, Jeff. The longest we’ve ever gone was a week and a half when you had appendicitis and even that drove you crazy.”
“I went much longer than that in the months before we got together,” He admitted.
“Okay, well, maybe I want to have sex for what could possibly be the last time for awhile. I’m sure after I give birth it’ll be the last thing I’m interested in.”
Jeff pursed his lips and studied her for a moment before he sprung up from the couch and held his hand out for her. “You’re right, come on.”
Annie smiled and gratefully accepted his help in getting up.
X-X-X-X-X
Less than 48 hours later Jeff was sitting on a stiff couch in a hospital room while Annie slept after being given an epidural. He had tried to nap as well but found himself transfixed by the monitor that was measuring the baby’s heart rate. Annie had woken him that morning just before the sun came up and told him she thought it was time. Now he felt strangely helpless as the doctor and nurses tended to Annie and all he could do was sit there next to her and wait. He felt like a background player and that was something he wasn’t used to, so he sat there with ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach and his knee bouncing relentlessly.
His phone buzzed with a text on the couch beside him and he jumped a little. He unlocked it and opened the message from Shirley. “Any news?”
Jeff quickly typed out a reply, “She got an epidural and now she’s sleeping. So far so good.”
A minute later he his phone buzzed again. “Good, that’s what she needs. Hang in there pumpkin. Give her a hug for me when she wakes up and let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks Shirley.”
Not long after Annie slowly blinked awake. The room was quiet except for the hum of the machines monitoring both her and the baby and she didn’t see anyone in her immediate line of sight. Her neck had been bent to the side while she was sleeping and was a little stiff so she turned her head slowly to look for Jeff. He was still sitting on the couch under the window with his head tilted back and his eyes on the ceiling.
“Jeff?”
He lifted his head and smiled softly at her. “Hey. How’re you feeling?”
“Not too bad. My neck is stiff though,” She said as she rolled her shoulder to try to ease the tension.
Jeff got up from the couch and perched on the edge of the bed, he pressed his fingers into the curve of her neck and began messaging the tight muscle. “How’s that?”
Annie’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into his touch, “Good.”
“I’ve been texting with Shirley,” he said softly. “She’s the official liaison between us and the rest of the group for convenience sake. Since visiting hours for people who aren’t family are over at 8 o’clock she said that if Laney is here before five then they’ll be here tonight, if it’s later then that they’ll come visit tomorrow.”
Annie glanced at the clock on the wall directly across from the bed. “Considering it’s already 2:30 I doubt she’ll be here by 5 o’clock.
“Then we’ll see them tomorrow morning.”
She moaned as his fingers hit just the right spot. “Right there, God, you’re so good at that.”
“Magic fingers, baby. You should know that by now,” he said with a dirty little smirk.
Annie snorted and nudged his hip with her knee. “Don’t be gross.”
“You’ve never complained before.”
“Sex talk while I’m in labor, really?”
“Well it is how we found ourselves here in the first place, isn’t it? Although if I recall correctly it had less to do with my fingers and more to do with the shower wall.”
“And we’re never going to tell our daughter that the nearest we can figure she’s the result of drunken shower sex.”
Jeff shrugged one shoulder, “Eh, it could be much worse.” He took his hand off her neck and flexed his fingers, “How’s that?”
Annie smiled and leaned back against the pillows, “Much better. Thanks.” She reached out to run her fingers over the scruff of his jaw then down his chest to his stomach. “Have you eaten anything?”
“I had a bag of Chex Mix from the vending machine. And coffee, lots and lots of coffee.”
Her eyes widened in alarm, “Jeff! That’s it? You didn’t have breakfast, either.”
“Well that’s because I was too busy getting you to the hospital. My stomach is too nervous anyway, I’m not hungry,” He admitted.
She scratched at his stomach through his black t-shirt. “Then make yourself eat something. You need more than Chex Mix and coffee. I don’t want you woozy from low blood sugar while everything is happening.”
“But-“
Annie immediately cut him off and leveled him with a glare. “No buts, go find food.”
Jeff raised his eyebrows and leaned back a little, “Whoa, you’ve been practicing that mom look haven’t you?”
“I don’t need to practice, it comes naturally.”
Jeff huffed out a laugh and pushed himself off the bed, “Okay Shirley.” He leaned down to kiss her lips and lingered in her space. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I have my phone, call me if anything happens.”
Annie fingered the sleeve of his shirt and smiled over his concern, her opinion of it had been fluctuating between annoying and endearing for the past nine months. Today she found it more endearing. “Sweetie, you’re just going to the cafeteria, not all the way across town.”
He kissed her one more time then disappeared into the hallway. As soon as he was gone Annie found herself alone for the first time all day. She sighed as she fell back against the pillows and smoothed her hands over her stomach.
Twenty minutes later Jeff came back complaining about the ‘abomination of a turkey sandwich’ he had forced himself to choke down. When he saw Annie in the same position, leaning back with her hands on her stomach, he stopped and tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” she sighed, “I’m kind of bored, though.” In reality, she wasn’t so much bored as she just needed something to take her mind off of everything.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. “You’re bored.”
“Yes!” She whined.
“Annie, you’re in labor.”
“And nothing that requires me to actually do something has happened in hours! Thanks to the epidural the contractions don’t really hurt so all I have to do is sit here in this stupid bed and wait.”
Jeff grabbed the remote from across the room then turned on the TV that was bolted to the wall. “Oh nice, the Rockies game is on.”
Annie threw her head back against the bed and groaned. “Ugh, I want something to reduce my boredom, not put me into a coma. Baseball might as well be soccer.” She held out her hand. “Give me the remote, when you’re about to push a person out of your vagina you can pick the channel.”
He handed it to her without protest. “Well that hardly seems fair considering I don’t even have a vagina.”
“Not my fault,” She said as she flipped through the channels. She finally settled on an episode of Law and Order. “Are there any more ice chips? I’m thirsty.”
“Uh, yeah. I think so.” He filled a paper cup from the bucket the nurse had brought in earlier and gave it to her. “Here you go.”
Annie dug out a spoonful and popped it in her mouth while she eyed him suspiciously. Something was off and it finally hit her. “Why aren’t you complaining that you’re bored? You hate waiting and I’ve barely even seen you on your phone.”
He sighed and leaned his back against the wall near her bed with his arms crossed. “Well first of all, I figured you’d skin me alive if I complained about anything while you’re in labor.”
“True,” She mumbled around another mouthful of ice.
“And second, I think I’m too wound up to be bored.”
Annie tilted her head to the side. “What are you so wound up about?”
“We’re about to be parents, Annie.”
“Yeaaahhh…”
“These are the very last few hours of my life that I’ll ever not be a parent. Once it happens it’s not something that ever changes. No matter what happens, like even you give the kid up for adoption or you’re a deadbeat like my Dad, you’re still a parent. You still created a life that you have a connection to until you die.” Part B