paradise city
Wow, i honestly don't know what's wrong with me the past few days. i've got so many things running through my head that make no sense, and i'm constantly snapping at people because i'm so frustrated with myself. it feels like 24/7 pms, and i wish it was that cause then there'd be some excuse. when there's no one around i feel alone and want someone around, and when there's people around i just want to be alone.
I've become obsessive compulsive with cleaning. When i come home from work, before i go to work, days off, after hanging out with friends, at 12am. And yet it still doesn't feel like my apartment is clean enough. I feel lost, and like i'm unsure of myself now. My confidence has lowered for some reason. All of a sudden it feels like no one wants to be around me, like my sparkle has burned out. then i realize people have lives, and they don't revolve around me. maybe i want someone's life to revolve around me though. but as soon as that happened, i'd probably want them to go away.
My head feels like it's stuffed up, but it's not a headache. i don't get headaches. it's not pain, it's just stuffyness. Maybe my horrible ass month ruined me. Everything hit me one after another. i feel confused and unappreciated. then my exboyfriend calls me up and says he loves me now. too little too late, i fell out of love with him. I do feel like i want to settle back into a relationship, just not with him. i had my fun, but i'm fucked in the head about boys. i change my mind everyday, and it always comes down to liking guys you can't have. by can't have, i mean jeapordizing friendships and making things awkward.
Bleh, and i seriously think i'm developing a drinking problem. it's not cool. cause this is what happens when you stop smoking pot and start drinking. forget being mellow and peaceful, it's all fucked up. why is pot more expensive than drinking, expensive because it definitly takes more than 2 grams to get my head in the zone.
OHMYFUCK what a big ass ramble. i'm trying to figure out what's wrong, and i still don't know. Atleast i have the first season of Prison Break to keep my mind off of things. It's like one long ass movie, it's the best show ever made. Wentworth Miller <3.
Tomorrow is paige's 19th birthday, that we've been talking about since the day we met because it's on friday the 13th. Today i went birthday shopping for her, it sucked cause it was raining like mad. plus she's so difficult. We're going to slut it up, smoke our lungs out, and poison our livers. that's how we do it. We'll be going to Tom's, Stage Nine and then the Seahorse and whatever else pops up. Maybe even Bubbles' Mansion, which is Bubbles bar (from the trailer park boys, obviously)
So now i shall try to sleep, which actually might not be that hard cause i feel exhausted and i want to try to prevent this cold from happening. yay. good night.
I've become obsessive compulsive with cleaning. When i come home from work, before i go to work, days off, after hanging out with friends, at 12am. And yet it still doesn't feel like my apartment is clean enough. I feel lost, and like i'm unsure of myself now. My confidence has lowered for some reason. All of a sudden it feels like no one wants to be around me, like my sparkle has burned out. then i realize people have lives, and they don't revolve around me. maybe i want someone's life to revolve around me though. but as soon as that happened, i'd probably want them to go away.
My head feels like it's stuffed up, but it's not a headache. i don't get headaches. it's not pain, it's just stuffyness. Maybe my horrible ass month ruined me. Everything hit me one after another. i feel confused and unappreciated. then my exboyfriend calls me up and says he loves me now. too little too late, i fell out of love with him. I do feel like i want to settle back into a relationship, just not with him. i had my fun, but i'm fucked in the head about boys. i change my mind everyday, and it always comes down to liking guys you can't have. by can't have, i mean jeapordizing friendships and making things awkward.
Bleh, and i seriously think i'm developing a drinking problem. it's not cool. cause this is what happens when you stop smoking pot and start drinking. forget being mellow and peaceful, it's all fucked up. why is pot more expensive than drinking, expensive because it definitly takes more than 2 grams to get my head in the zone.
OHMYFUCK what a big ass ramble. i'm trying to figure out what's wrong, and i still don't know. Atleast i have the first season of Prison Break to keep my mind off of things. It's like one long ass movie, it's the best show ever made. Wentworth Miller <3.
Tomorrow is paige's 19th birthday, that we've been talking about since the day we met because it's on friday the 13th. Today i went birthday shopping for her, it sucked cause it was raining like mad. plus she's so difficult. We're going to slut it up, smoke our lungs out, and poison our livers. that's how we do it. We'll be going to Tom's, Stage Nine and then the Seahorse and whatever else pops up. Maybe even Bubbles' Mansion, which is Bubbles bar (from the trailer park boys, obviously)
So now i shall try to sleep, which actually might not be that hard cause i feel exhausted and i want to try to prevent this cold from happening. yay. good night.