Update: and a happy new year to you all.
I'm back at NEC doing Jterm. I almost forgot how nice it can be to learn, weird as that sounds. But I am learning creative things and excelling apparently, considering I don't write abstract poems and I am doing extremely well with my artistic instinct having never taken 2 dimensional design. Advanced Poetry Workshop and Mixed Media Design agree with me I guess.
Next semester I was going to take 5 classes but I've cut back to 4 because I'm lazy. And I need money, and since mom already paid for all my schooling I will be getting a good sum back for dropping a class during Jterm and one during Spring Semester, both out of laziness and necessity. Because it's necessary to be lazy right now.
My new years resolution is a simple one that will be terribly hard to carry out. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I want, whenever I want, with no logic to explain away my emotions and no censors. I'm going to be angry if I'm angry, and happy if I'm happy, and sad if I'm sad. I think this will help me defeat the basic monster I'm fighting, self loathing. There is no reason for it (I've decided) and I constantly base my self worth on how I think other people see me, which is rather stupid if you think about how I don't know how other people see me and if I do it's usually they love me and if I don't then obviously they don't count. So self acceptance is the goal of this year, and it will be hard. I am getting to know myself, the good and bad, and it's all coming out all over the place but I won't let other people's perceptions of me take me into that place of self destruction again because I can't afford to. It doesn't matter what I look like, or feel like, or act like. No matter what, I am better off alive and I do want to live.
So all that said, I've read The Sweet Far Thing and it was an extraordinary way to end the series and I highly recommend it to any teenage girl that loves a good three epic novels. I don't care if I'm 20, I still count. And I think Libba Bray is my hero, if only for that wonderful YouTube video.
Now, I'm going to go back to eating M&Ms and watching the third season of Alias because I am so happy with the episode where Vaughn, Sark, AND Will were each and every one super sexy.
Speaking of boys, I think I'll stop striving in that area. My family (of all people) would love for me to find a boyfriend so that I can be happy. Apparently I won't be happy without one. But the thing is, I'm slowly discovering how to be happy by myself and with God, and that is a journey that I cannot take with someone else holding my hand. It will be hard, but there's no one really worthy of my time in this area anyway. All the good ones are either taken, not here, or have me in the friend zone. So there's nothing I'm missing at the moment. :)
Next semester I was going to take 5 classes but I've cut back to 4 because I'm lazy. And I need money, and since mom already paid for all my schooling I will be getting a good sum back for dropping a class during Jterm and one during Spring Semester, both out of laziness and necessity. Because it's necessary to be lazy right now.
My new years resolution is a simple one that will be terribly hard to carry out. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I want, whenever I want, with no logic to explain away my emotions and no censors. I'm going to be angry if I'm angry, and happy if I'm happy, and sad if I'm sad. I think this will help me defeat the basic monster I'm fighting, self loathing. There is no reason for it (I've decided) and I constantly base my self worth on how I think other people see me, which is rather stupid if you think about how I don't know how other people see me and if I do it's usually they love me and if I don't then obviously they don't count. So self acceptance is the goal of this year, and it will be hard. I am getting to know myself, the good and bad, and it's all coming out all over the place but I won't let other people's perceptions of me take me into that place of self destruction again because I can't afford to. It doesn't matter what I look like, or feel like, or act like. No matter what, I am better off alive and I do want to live.
So all that said, I've read The Sweet Far Thing and it was an extraordinary way to end the series and I highly recommend it to any teenage girl that loves a good three epic novels. I don't care if I'm 20, I still count. And I think Libba Bray is my hero, if only for that wonderful YouTube video.
Now, I'm going to go back to eating M&Ms and watching the third season of Alias because I am so happy with the episode where Vaughn, Sark, AND Will were each and every one super sexy.
Speaking of boys, I think I'll stop striving in that area. My family (of all people) would love for me to find a boyfriend so that I can be happy. Apparently I won't be happy without one. But the thing is, I'm slowly discovering how to be happy by myself and with God, and that is a journey that I cannot take with someone else holding my hand. It will be hard, but there's no one really worthy of my time in this area anyway. All the good ones are either taken, not here, or have me in the friend zone. So there's nothing I'm missing at the moment. :)