Food for Thought
written last night while at work:
Tonight, while working the overnight, I've come to the realization that we take life for granted. From the first moments of life, we, even at the very age of birth, don't realize how fortunate we are to be alive. I mean, really be grateful for everything we have in life and what we do or don't do.
Life gives you many chances, many paths, many opportunities to succeed, be happy etcetera. What most of us don't realize is that you should be happy with what you have, not what you want. All of us dream to live the life of the stars, the famous, the rich, or what have you, but what makes us think that they are happy themselves? Their faces all over the covers of magazines, on television, and when someone recognizes them in a public space, it's almost as if they are avoiding interacting with others because of their lifestyle.
I was standing outside, watching the rain fall, and looked over and saw a tree. This tree is just an ordinary tree, with no leaves because it's been too cold to have any leaves grown yet. The beautiful thing about this tree was that it had collected water droplets on its branches, which were refleccting the light from the street lamp next to it. It got me thinking, as I was exhaling cigarette smoke from my lungs, that life comes and goes before you know it; it can stop at any moment in time, unexpectedly or expectedly.
I've become very lonely these past few months, but in reality, it makes me appreciate what I once had. I was always surrounded by the best of friends, a community who accepted me for who I am and what I looked like, and was happy. I have had to resort to moving back home, not having the luxuries I once had, only to be experience once a month. That is, if I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to go and experience that luxury.
Friends, family, even where you life all affect your happiness. If someone comes into your life that can change your whole world, make it just that much better, you should know enough to stick around and hold onto them. One person in these recent months has made it aware that I have made this impact on their life. This person constantly contacts me, irregardless of how rude, or how mean I have been. They always reassures me that I am a wonderful, uniquire and special individual and that there is no getting rid of them. It's pondreing to me that someone can think so highly of me, when I hardly know this person and never give them the chance to get to see/get to know me.
The people who I tend to cling to have moved on, to bigger and better things. I am aware of this everyday of my life, since I hardly ever hear from them and when I do, it's a treat. I have fallen in love two times, both of whom have significant others. I am still a part of their lives, just not as much as I once was and that makes me realize that I, in fact, took them for granted. I let life pass right through my fingers expecting people to always be around for me, when I'm finally ready.
I was naive, especially this year of my life, and didn't realize a good thing until it came too late. The truth of the matter is that I am not happy, that I wish I could rewind my life, but as my mom says, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." I life by this everyday of my life now, seeing as how she cna keep it all together amidst her issues. In January she broke her hip, had a partial hip replacement, and in her appointment with the surgeon the other day, was informed she'll never return back to work and may in face have to have a complete hip replacement.
It makes you realize that you are not invincible, that we are not perfect human beings and are in fact breakable. Whether it is literally, figuratively, or the like we are all breakable and fragile. Some of us can't handle it and choose to end our life short; others take the long road and stick it out until we're meant to leave.
Life is mysterious for that reason, you think one thing and it can throw a curveball suddenly. Catch you off guard, knocking you to the ground, but you have to learn how to pick yourself up and just get right back on the horse. I tend to appear to think highly of myself, but if you all would like to know the truth, I really don't think I'm all that great. Sure, I'm very nice and caring, doing anything for my friends or family that I can. But deep down, I'm scared, lonely, and afraid of being forgotten no matter how big or small the impact I have on someone's life. This actually has been proven to me, since I haven't been where I've felt the most accepted since December.
Moving home was difficult for me, and sure I had doubts about who my true friends were, but the truth is the ones who still talk to me and contact me are actually the ones who stick around for me. My "friends," in Vermont, who were so nice to me when they saw me everyday, seem to have forgotten about me and everything I had done for them. I've been taken advantage of etc. and it got old really quick lately with me. I don't contact anyone who I feel was being being fake or is fake when they see me when I visit. If you don't try to contact me, other than when I'm around, not at home in Massachusetts, please don't pretend you're my friend because if you were, yo'd call me and see how I'm holding up or doing or just keep me updated on what's going on with you.
So in life we face many challenges and expectations held up by culture that you lose track of what is important. My message is to keep the ones you're closest with close to you, because otherwise, you feel abandoned in this life.
Tonight, while working the overnight, I've come to the realization that we take life for granted. From the first moments of life, we, even at the very age of birth, don't realize how fortunate we are to be alive. I mean, really be grateful for everything we have in life and what we do or don't do.
Life gives you many chances, many paths, many opportunities to succeed, be happy etcetera. What most of us don't realize is that you should be happy with what you have, not what you want. All of us dream to live the life of the stars, the famous, the rich, or what have you, but what makes us think that they are happy themselves? Their faces all over the covers of magazines, on television, and when someone recognizes them in a public space, it's almost as if they are avoiding interacting with others because of their lifestyle.
I was standing outside, watching the rain fall, and looked over and saw a tree. This tree is just an ordinary tree, with no leaves because it's been too cold to have any leaves grown yet. The beautiful thing about this tree was that it had collected water droplets on its branches, which were refleccting the light from the street lamp next to it. It got me thinking, as I was exhaling cigarette smoke from my lungs, that life comes and goes before you know it; it can stop at any moment in time, unexpectedly or expectedly.
I've become very lonely these past few months, but in reality, it makes me appreciate what I once had. I was always surrounded by the best of friends, a community who accepted me for who I am and what I looked like, and was happy. I have had to resort to moving back home, not having the luxuries I once had, only to be experience once a month. That is, if I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to go and experience that luxury.
Friends, family, even where you life all affect your happiness. If someone comes into your life that can change your whole world, make it just that much better, you should know enough to stick around and hold onto them. One person in these recent months has made it aware that I have made this impact on their life. This person constantly contacts me, irregardless of how rude, or how mean I have been. They always reassures me that I am a wonderful, uniquire and special individual and that there is no getting rid of them. It's pondreing to me that someone can think so highly of me, when I hardly know this person and never give them the chance to get to see/get to know me.
The people who I tend to cling to have moved on, to bigger and better things. I am aware of this everyday of my life, since I hardly ever hear from them and when I do, it's a treat. I have fallen in love two times, both of whom have significant others. I am still a part of their lives, just not as much as I once was and that makes me realize that I, in fact, took them for granted. I let life pass right through my fingers expecting people to always be around for me, when I'm finally ready.
I was naive, especially this year of my life, and didn't realize a good thing until it came too late. The truth of the matter is that I am not happy, that I wish I could rewind my life, but as my mom says, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." I life by this everyday of my life now, seeing as how she cna keep it all together amidst her issues. In January she broke her hip, had a partial hip replacement, and in her appointment with the surgeon the other day, was informed she'll never return back to work and may in face have to have a complete hip replacement.
It makes you realize that you are not invincible, that we are not perfect human beings and are in fact breakable. Whether it is literally, figuratively, or the like we are all breakable and fragile. Some of us can't handle it and choose to end our life short; others take the long road and stick it out until we're meant to leave.
Life is mysterious for that reason, you think one thing and it can throw a curveball suddenly. Catch you off guard, knocking you to the ground, but you have to learn how to pick yourself up and just get right back on the horse. I tend to appear to think highly of myself, but if you all would like to know the truth, I really don't think I'm all that great. Sure, I'm very nice and caring, doing anything for my friends or family that I can. But deep down, I'm scared, lonely, and afraid of being forgotten no matter how big or small the impact I have on someone's life. This actually has been proven to me, since I haven't been where I've felt the most accepted since December.
Moving home was difficult for me, and sure I had doubts about who my true friends were, but the truth is the ones who still talk to me and contact me are actually the ones who stick around for me. My "friends," in Vermont, who were so nice to me when they saw me everyday, seem to have forgotten about me and everything I had done for them. I've been taken advantage of etc. and it got old really quick lately with me. I don't contact anyone who I feel was being being fake or is fake when they see me when I visit. If you don't try to contact me, other than when I'm around, not at home in Massachusetts, please don't pretend you're my friend because if you were, yo'd call me and see how I'm holding up or doing or just keep me updated on what's going on with you.
So in life we face many challenges and expectations held up by culture that you lose track of what is important. My message is to keep the ones you're closest with close to you, because otherwise, you feel abandoned in this life.