Snippets of Time (Part Twenty-One)
Title: Snippets of Time
Rating: R
Pairings: YoonSic/Yulsic
Summary: Growing up with you- the things we did, paths we crossed and way we changed.
A/N: Beta credits to Darren (who writes crack into the story while editing) and Karou95 <3
[unnie will protect you, always]
Part Twenty-One
Dread ate away at Jessica throughout the entirety of her shift.
Pressure brewed, deep in her skull. Her mind had been extra jumpy every since that little sentence from Professor Jang.
There’s a thin line between being attentive and being uptight.
Jessica repeatedly told herself that it was just advice, criticism, nothing more. Anyone would react the way she did, surely. She tried and realised that she couldn’t convince nor lie to herself. Mentally, she wasn’t strong enough. Not yet.
Sick kids everywhere. Some, fighting for their lives.
Jessica was supposed to save them, theoretically. But it was painful just being there. Like now, unfounded unease poured into her.
Her eyelids twitched; supposedly a bad sign. Though rationally, she knew that it was only a silly superstition.
Halfway through this particularly busy day, Jessica decidedly cleared her head and pushed away the haunting thoughts.
She was where she wanted to be. No matter how unsettled it made her.
Steeling herself, Jessica ploughed through her shift with determination, missing all the messages that swarmed her phone for a few hours.
“Bye.” Jessica waved tiredly at her colleagues, drained from the hectic work of the day, and dug out her phone.
A whole bunch of messages from Yoona awaited her. Like ticking time bombs, patiently waiting for her to set them off.
Jessica’s brows furrowed in confusion as she took in the large number of texts received and suddenly, she was hesitant about reading them. As she put a thumb on the screen, she let it linger, tentative and in all honesty, scared.
No, get a grip. Nothing’s wrong, she’s probably just whining about mosquitoes.
Dragging her finger to the right - dread trickling through her - she opened the latest message.
OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.
“What the fuck?” Jessica gasped in the locker room, blood draining from her face as she crumbled to the floor.
It was a joke. It must be.
With trembling fingers, she scrolled up quickly, desperate to find proof, any at all, that would reassure herself that the message was only a cruel and nasty prank of sorts.
“Sooyeon-ssi, are you okay?” Jessica heard a voice ask, but her vision was already blurring. She nodded weakly, not trusting herself to speak without breaking down.
Nana here! Yoona got into an accident, shit. Oh fuck. Help!
Omg Unnie, she’s bleeding a lot! what do we do????
Called the ambulance, omfg unnie she’s not waking up!
WHERE’S THE AMBULANCE FFS.
Omg omg omg, I’m so scared.
It wasn’t a joke.
The realisation hit Jessica as she scrolled through Nana’s panic.
OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.
The very first message replayed over and over in her head, unyieldingly, and suddenly she felt as though her life was being torn apart. Again.
No no no. This. Can't. NO.
She couldn’t even scream out loud. Her voice was gone, her body cold, shivering. It was then, that the four letters camouflaged in the panicky messages caught her eyes.
SNUH.
Seoul National University Hospital.
A burst of newfound energy flooded her. Adrenaline coursed through her veins. She sprang to her feet and took off for the Emergency centre, sprinting faster than she ever had in her life. Her colleagues were shouting behind her. She hadn’t changed out of her work outfit. That shiny ‘Jung Sooyeon’ nametag was still pinned to her coat.
It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
Except Yoona.
Flashing her access card, she took all the available shortcuts to her destinations, narrowly avoiding colleagues and patients along the way in her blinding desperation.
When she finally screeched to a stop in front of the information counter at the Emergency centre, she was panting heavily, her lungs burned and words refused to form.
“Sooyeon-ssi?”
Jessica gasped for air.
Focus. Jung Sooyeon.
The staff at the counter was someone she knew through her rotation, a Mrs. Kim.
“What’s wrong?”
Shaking her hand, she choked out the words desperately.
“Yoona. Im Yoona.”
The urgency ringing clear in Jessica’s voice and the distressed plea in her eyes weren’t lost on Mrs. Kim and she muttered a quick apology to the next person in queue before punching in the name.
“Nineteen years of age, admitted two hours ago, Im Yoona?”
“Y-yes.”
“Wing B, Ward 12.”
“Thanks!”
Jessica was just about to propel herself to the location again but then it hit her.
Wing B, ward 12.
That was a perfectly normal ward, a private one and definitely not for dying patients.
“Huh, not surgery? Or…?”
“No.” Ms. Kim replied with a straight face, and nodded to the next person in queue. “She had a screaming friend with her, I remember. I’ve to attend to others, Sooyeon-ssi. You’d better leave before they accuse you of jumping the queue.”
Yoona’s… fine? Not dying?
Jessica bowed, a little embarrassed, before briskly making her way over to Wing B. Her tears were drying along with the hysteria as she calmed herself. While she was extremely relieved that Yoona wasn’t actually bordering the edges of life and death, battling to stay alive, the worry and questions remained.
What the actual fuck happened?
***
When Jessica threw open the door, Yoona was propped up against white pillows on the bed. She was digging her spoon into some bland-looking hospital jelly, looking far too nonchalant for someone with a casted leg hanging mid-air. Her eyes lit up, but Jessica stopped at the doorway, doused in confusion.
“Unnie!”
“Im Yoona!”
The way Jessica ground out her name and stalked over scared Yoona. The thought that she had woken up a sleeping lion - abruptly, violently - flashed like a red alert. Jessica looked dreadful. Ashen face and bloodshot eyes. She had been crying, definitely.
Guilt slammed into Yoona. She’d be alright if Jessica was purely angry, but no, she had caused the other girl so much worry. She’d made Jessica cry. That alone was a thought that she couldn’t bear without cringing, and even withering inside.
“Wow, unnie, did someone splash you with white paint on the way here? Your face is whiter than whitewash.” Mustering up a huge grin, Yoona hoped that her humour would be enough to ease Jessica’s worry.
The effect of those words, though, were far from what she had wanted or expected.
“Is it funny? Do you think this is funny?” Jessica gestured wildly, the control she usually prided herself on slipping rapidly. “It isn’t! You lying on the fucking hospital bed isn’t the least bit funny to me.”
“Um, unnie, I-” Yoona rubbed the back of her neck in discomfort, but no words came to her. Of all the years they had spent together, this was the first time Jessica had flared up so intensely at her.
Yoona looked to her parents pleadingly and her father opened his mouth, presumably to interject, but Mrs. Im rested her arm on his and shook her head slightly. No.
Lifeline gone, she was left to face Jessica’s wrath on her own.
“Un-”
“No, you listen to me. Do you know how I felt when I saw those damn messages your friend sent? Do you even know what the first message I saw was?!”
“Um,” Yoona mumbled timidly, fingers fidgeting with unease. “Nana said she contacted you, that’s all I-”
“It said you’re dying! You were fucking dying, Im Yoona! You tell me, how was I supposed to feel?!" Emotions held her mind hostage. All logic had been abandoned, and there wasn’t a single way to stop herself. Her fists were clenched so tightly that the skin stretched over her knuckles turned white. Too far gone, now.
“I’m sorry…” Yoona dipped her head, unable, unwilling to meet the agony flashing in Jessica’s eyes.
“How could you-” Jessica choked, and started pacing, “-actually brush this off? I thought you were dead! I thought I was gonna see your body! I thought maybe I should be heading off to the goddamn morgue instead! Do you even understand?!”
Yoona’s mind shut down and blanked out with a buzz. Jessica’s distress was affecting her. Her heart screamed for her to comfort and assure Jessica, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate. Too surprised by the scale of her reaction, Yoona could only bite her lips.
“I-”
Yoona’s mouth clamped shut again. She couldn’t think of a single word to say that would comfort Jessica right now and there seemed to be little left that she could do. But, maybe, the simplest act would be the best
“What the hell are you doing?” Jessica demanded, rushing to the bedside when Yoona struggled to sit straight up.
“Getting up to hug you…?”
“What?!”
“Unnie, it’s alright now. I’m alive.” Yoona held out her arms, the tears slowly finding their way into her eyes. “Feel me, I’m alive. It’s alright.”
Time seemed to stand still as Jessica froze, unmoving, unblinking, inches away from Yoona’s outstretched arms.
Yoona smiled. Only this time, there was not a trace of playful cheeriness on her lips, only comfort and assurance.
Everything’s fine now.
Trembling fingers reached forward hesitantly. Insecurity swallowed her whole, as though this wasn’t real.
Just a split second of contact was too much for Jessica. She jerked away, wide-eyed. “I can’t deal with this, Yoona,” she whispered, looking almost afraid. “Not now. Not ever. I can’t.”
And before Yoona could say another word, Jessica bolted out of the room. Leaving Yoona bewildered and surrounded by a deafening silence.
An awkward low cough eventually eased the tension.
“What was that about, Yoona?”
Yoona shrugged at her father’s question, her face grim. The uncharacteristic behaviour put up by Jessica was probably more of a shock to her than it was to her father. Though the entire episode barely lasted a full fifteen minutes, Yoona was introduced to sides of Jessica that she had no idea even existed.
“You’d be as hysterical if the hospital called and said those stuff,” Mrs. Im said, leaning forward and patting Yoona on the shoulder, ignoring her husband’s muffled rebuttal. “Yoona, check if Sooyeon’s okay in a bit, alright?”
Yoona murmured her agreement, but she just couldn’t get the image of Jessica’s outburst out of her head. That complete loss of control was foreboding.
Stupid leg.
She cursed in her head, eyeing her injured leg with a vengeance.
Something told her that Jessica wasn’t fine at all; Her head hurt and her heart was in unrest.
***
Just about half an hour after Jessica had left, Yuri burst into the ward almost as Jessica had.
The panic-stricken expression she wore was less overwhelming than Jessica’s but it was clear to Yoona that she had rushed frantically on her way here; Her pants were resounding in the otherwise empty room.
“Yuri unnie, are you okay? Sit,” Yoona said, motioning to the vacated seats, now that her parents had gone out for a bite.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just a broken leg and a concussion. A very mild concussion.”
Yuri eyed the casted leg with suspicion before she grudgingly fell on the chair. The look on her seemed to be saying “just a broken leg?”
“Jinah texted me. She was screaming for help and stuff through text. I was at training and-”
“Did she say I was dying too?”
“Yeah, how’d you know? It was crazy. And what? You broke a leg?” Yuri’s hand ran frustratedly through her hair and Yoona’s palm found her face.
“She’s such a drama queen, causing me all sorts of problems, as if a broken leg isn’t bad enough.”
“Did she text your parents or something?”
“Nah, Jessica unnie. Told her I was dying. Unnie panicked and-” Yoona sighed, worry surfacing. “Like she went nuts? Just totally not herself.”
At the mention of Jessica’s name, Yuri scanned the surroundings instinctively, eyes clouded with concern, even though it was obvious that no one else was in the room.
Hostility and unhappiness. Those were supposed to surface, Yoona thought so. But where were they? Maybe it wasn’t much, perhaps it was due to Jessica’s hysteria. As her gaze trained on Yuri, something clicked in Yoona’s brain.
There wasn’t really anything to compare, not when the basis of comparison didn't exist to begin with. It became clear, painfully so: she had been blinded by her childishness and jealousy.
“Do me a favour, will you?”
Yuri sat up straight, a guilty look on her face.
“I didn’t mean to,” she grappled at the words, but failed to find anything appropriate to explain her behaviour. "Jes-"
Yoona shook her head and stopped the apology.
“Nope, it’s fine. Just do me a favour and help me check up on Jessica unnie, please? She’s not answering my calls or messages.” Sticking out her index finger, Yoona pointed at Yuri’s phone. “I’ll give you the passcode to our home’s security lock. She probably wouldn’t answer the door either, but she should be home.”
Confusion was expected and the way Yuri hesitated in passing over her phone was almost comical. As though she was anticipating that Yoona would grab her phone and possibly flush it down the toilet as some kind of stupid revenge.
“Yoona, are you serious about this, I mean-”
“Yeah, unnie’s more important. We shouldn't even be fighting over this. Truce, okay?”
As if to emphasise her point, Yoona held out her palm for a handshake and Yuri finally cracked a smile.
“Too formal, Yoong. Here.” The older girl slapped her phone into Yoona’s hand instead of accepting the gesture.
Returning the grin, Yoona typed the digits of the passcode into the phone. And when Yuri set off for their home, the younger girl was left on her own to muse over things.
Undeniably, they wanted the same thing, the same person. But essentially, they each occupied different spot. And this hostility, was it fair to Yuri?
Yoona shut her eyes, slipping into darkness.
Her head felt heavy, whatever the nurse her with was making her sleepy. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts had one word.
Jessica.
***
The cab had dropped Jessica off at the curb and somehow, she managed to get herself home despite that she never stopped feeling like she was stepping on sinking ground.
Voices in her head echoed all kinds of conversations. She tried hard to keep sanity, repeatedly drowning out her thoughts with a chant.
Yoona’s alive, she's alive.
Uselessly, she crumbled, still. Easily defeated by her demons in this face-to-face confrontation. It left her stumbling home, head throbbing and tears falling freely.
Her mind was overrun by flashbacks, some hazy and others clear as crystal.
Unnie~!
Huge, childish grins. Downturned lips. Frowns, the way her eyebrows dipped. Muffled voices.
Endless calls of unnie bombarded her mind. Waves and waves of it, to the point where Jessica couldn’t tell who was calling her anymore. She fell heavily onto the couch, cradled her head and willed for sleep to claim her.
Nothing.
But a small hand in her memory reached out, grabbing her with an insistence.
Forced her back to where it all started.
Distorted, jumbled, flashes of the past.
***
Eight-year-old Jessica announced her return after school but no one answered her call.
Typical.
As she went up to the second level of their house, she noticed that the study room right at the end had its door closed. It must be Mom hard at work, being the aspiring novelist she was.
Jessica shrugged; it was no longer a thing. Instead, she skipped to the second room on the left, cracked the door open slightly and peeked in.
Baby sister was at her usual position, sprawled out in bed with a picture book in hand, lost in the world of words and imagination.
“Psst,” Jessica tried, but the younger girl didn’t look up at all. “PSSSSSST.”
The louder hiss finally caught the attention of the kid, and she looked up with a blooming bright smile.
“Unnie! You’re back!”
Jessica opened the door fully and her sister immediately shot up and pattered over, engulfing her in a tight hug.
“Hello you little kid!”
“Not little!” Baby sister pouted, tilting her head up at the much-taller Jessica. A three-year gap in age did wonders to their height difference.
“Sure thing.” Jessica ruffled her sister’s hair before leading her back into the room. “This again?”
Holding up the squarish book adorned with the illustration of a yellow and round character, Jessica smiled warmly.
Mr. Happy, the bold, black words on the cover announced.
“You really like these, don’t you? You read books all day.”
“They’re funny! I like books!”
Beaming, she took Mr. Happy away from Jessica and returned it to the special box which held her entire collection of Mr. Men’s books.
“Unnie, let’s play! I like you,” the childish tone laced her words and the young girl smiled wide. “Most!”
***
"I read a book..."
"Mmhmm?" Jessica responded with a soft hum. The pair were snug in bed, and the night sky seemed particularly dark in her memory.
"Monster," a little whine came from baby sis as she snuggled close to Jessica, thin arms thrown over her stomach. "Under the bed!"
At that, Jessica giggled, tickled by her little sister's cute words.
"Will they come? Are they below? Daddy chased away monster in the books but daddy's always away..."
Jessica hugged her close and nuzzled the young girl on the nose, a familiar intimacy; her heart overflowing with affection for her little sister.
"No they won't, as long as unnie's here. Unnie will protect you, always."
The contented smile that stretched across her rosy face and the clumsy peck landing on her cheek was something Jessica would cherish forever.
***
When Jessica snapped back, Yuri was shaking her and she was slumped on the ground, head against her bed.
She couldn’t remember how she got there, nor how she had nicked the bottle of wine.
Why were the books sprawled all over the floor?
And what was Yuri doing here?
“Yul?” Her voice came out slurred. The headache was miraculously gone, replaced by waves of light-headedness. “Why you here”
“How much did you drink?” Yuri pried the bottle away from Jessica’s loose grip, setting it on the floor. “Come on, let’s-”
“Hi, Yul, hi hi hi!” Jessica shifted and attempted to sit up but her head felt like it weighed a thousand tons. Yuri was somewhat floating in and out of focus, as though she was an illusion. “I’m okay.”
“Sica, you aren’t. Let me help, please.”
“Sureee I am!” Jessica laughed, not realising that it sounded more hysterical than light-hearted.
Yuri sighed and planted herself beside Jessica.
“You’re not okay, Sica, you’re crying.”
“I am...?”Jessica limply swiped her eyes with the back of her palm. “Oh, I am. Not stopping. Tears.”
“Jessica…”
Yuri seemed lost for words, rooted in place as Jessica simply kept still and allowed the tears to run.
And it was Jessica who shattered the silence, voice broken.
“Yul. You know, those.” Jessica pointed all around her. “All her favourite books. All I have left.”
And Yuri knew immediately, nodding to Jessica’s words but not trusting herself to speak.
“It’s a secret. Shush.”
“Yes, a secret, it’s safe with me.”
“Thanks.” Jessica smiled. The tears had stopped for a bit and suddenly Yuri was back in focus. “You’re nice.”
“I think you’re drunk, Sica. How about you just lie down?”
“Can’t.” Jessica shook her head obstinately. “The alcohol helped. My brain isn’t listening to me. It hurts.”
“Headache? I’ll go get you some pills.” Yuri scrambled to her feet but was immediately yanked back down by Jessica.
“No. Everywhere. Memories.”
The alcohol had reduced Jessica to a truthful mess. Yuri had never been more unsure before. Any action seemed like it’d break Jessica.
Too vulnerable. Too delicate.
Yuri released a breath and chose silence.
“I never got to say goodbye.” Jessica dragged herself closer to Yuri, and with much effort, hoisted her body away from the sides of the bed and onto the lanky girl. “Never did say. Goodbye. Didn’t see her.”
Jessica stuck her face to Yuri’s shoulder, arms circled her neck as she spoke.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye. And gone.”
Jessica laughed, muffled and hollow. With each word, she pressed herself harder against Yuri’s body, hugging the girl tighter than before.
“Mom is dumb. Didn’t notice, didn't hear the crash. She said. Was locked up in her room. Writing stupid shit. Hospital. I hate the hospital, Yul.”
“Yeah. Me too.” There wasn’t a correct response anymore. She gave up, blinked and let her own tears trickle down. Jessica’s heartache and anguishing was piercing into Yuri’s heart, prickling her emotions.
“Hossspital, fucking awful. Why don’t they save lives?”
“I don’t know, sometimes they do.”
“Yul,” Jessica mumbled, the ripples of resignation and loss swirling in her eyes. “I didn’t see her. Didn’t say goodbye. Got back and she wasn’t around anymore.”
“Sica, don’t go there, come back to me. Come back to now, don’t think.” Yuri patted Jessica’s back, trying to soothe her, but she could feel the vigorous shakes from Jessica’s shoulders.
“What can I do. I can’t, I don’t want to lose her. And,” Jessica gasped. “Yooooona. She, nearly. Too.”
Yuri lightly detached herself from Jessica, gripping her shoulders to pull her away gently but firmly. Jessica wasn’t crying. She seemed empty, incoherent and lost.
“Everything’s alright now, Yoona’s fine.” Yuri bit down on her lips, hesitantly reaching for Jessica’s cheeks. “We’re all fine, Sica. Don’t think about the past. Stay here. We love you. Be here.”
The only response was her empty gaze.
She was a bubbling volcano, just waiting for the eruption, maybe.
“I love you, let’s get through this together. Sica, please.”
Jessica shook her head, paused, stared at Yuri, before shaking her head once more.
“You can, we’ll try.” Yuri cupped both of her cheeks, determined to keep Jessica from losing her sanity. “Just let us help. Let Yoona in, please. We-”
Her words were abruptly cut off by Jessica sweeping in unannounced, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together.
Jessica no longer knew what she was doing; the alcohol had long dulled her senses and killed off logic altogether. She wanted comfort, wanted warmth. The ghosts were coming for her and she needed safe hideout, somewhere to bury the broken shards of her self.
Yuri, here and now, was a lifeline, a buoy, someone for her to hang on to.
The kiss was devoid of any romantic passion. Desperation surged, as Jessica forced Yuri’s lips apart easily, seeking escape from their tanglement. One hand tugged at Yuri’s top, and the other cradled the back of her head.
“Sica!” Yuri broke away, grasping at Jessica’s wrist, restraining it.
Heavy, tensed silence followed. With tears glistening in her eyes, Jessica looked at Yuri for long seconds before hanging her head.
Yuri immediately pulled Jessica into a hug. “I know you’re… drunk and stuff. I’m going to help you up, okay? You’ll feel better after soon sleep.”
The taller of the two slowly got up, holding Jessica by her shoulders gingerly. However, it took just this one step for Jessica to lose it once more, haunting images filling her mind. Of a running child. Crying, in pain.
Buried.
Jessica pushed Yuri away and on to the bed with surprising strength.
An empty shell.
“Jessica?”
Before Yuri could get herself off the bed, Jessica had already climbed onto her. She wrapped her arms around the younger girl and locking her in a heartbreaking embrace.
“Yul… help.”
She couldn’t care if it was too much for Yuri. Driven by instincts and nothing else, she needed something - someone - to ward away the past that was cutting unrelentingly into her.
And finally, Yuri didn’t resist when Jessica grabbed and pulled her into another ferocious kiss. Jessica tasted something tangy and metallic on the tip of her tongue, but there was no turning back as she dragged Yuri’s top off, running her hands down the lean torso. She tried to shove the mental torture from her conscious, shifting her lips down blindly, leaving bites. She reached for Yuri’s hand, forced it upon her chest and tried to drown herself in physical pleasure as Yuri fondled her breast through her top.
She wanted this but she didn’t want it. All at the same time.
Yuri was gentle, despite the rough treatment she’d received. Soft kisses were peppered against Jessica’s skin, lightly, lovingly, and it came roaring to her, as her fingers unclasped Yuri’s bra.
“It’s fine, as long as you’re fine.”
Yuri’s shaky whisper beneath her was the last straw.
Jessica ceased all movement, still seated on Yuri’s thigh, and broke down completely.
[A/N]
A/N: Did anyone expect me to kill Yoona off? No? Darn, I need to be more cruel. Anyway, about this… I’m not hundred percent satisfied but it’s really too draining to keep going through it. Hope you guys like it and in case anyone is still wondering, I’m not pushing any ship omg. Jessica led the way for me, I’ll forward any complaints to her and CC Yoona and Yuri, okay? See you guys two weeks later! omgomgomg i am nearly out of pre-written chapters. OMG.
Rating: R
Pairings: YoonSic/Yulsic
Summary: Growing up with you- the things we did, paths we crossed and way we changed.
A/N: Beta credits to Darren (who writes crack into the story while editing) and Karou95 <3
[unnie will protect you, always]
Part Twenty-One
Dread ate away at Jessica throughout the entirety of her shift.
Pressure brewed, deep in her skull. Her mind had been extra jumpy every since that little sentence from Professor Jang.
There’s a thin line between being attentive and being uptight.
Jessica repeatedly told herself that it was just advice, criticism, nothing more. Anyone would react the way she did, surely. She tried and realised that she couldn’t convince nor lie to herself. Mentally, she wasn’t strong enough. Not yet.
Sick kids everywhere. Some, fighting for their lives.
Jessica was supposed to save them, theoretically. But it was painful just being there. Like now, unfounded unease poured into her.
Her eyelids twitched; supposedly a bad sign. Though rationally, she knew that it was only a silly superstition.
Halfway through this particularly busy day, Jessica decidedly cleared her head and pushed away the haunting thoughts.
She was where she wanted to be. No matter how unsettled it made her.
Steeling herself, Jessica ploughed through her shift with determination, missing all the messages that swarmed her phone for a few hours.
“Bye.” Jessica waved tiredly at her colleagues, drained from the hectic work of the day, and dug out her phone.
A whole bunch of messages from Yoona awaited her. Like ticking time bombs, patiently waiting for her to set them off.
Jessica’s brows furrowed in confusion as she took in the large number of texts received and suddenly, she was hesitant about reading them. As she put a thumb on the screen, she let it linger, tentative and in all honesty, scared.
No, get a grip. Nothing’s wrong, she’s probably just whining about mosquitoes.
Dragging her finger to the right - dread trickling through her - she opened the latest message.
OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.
“What the fuck?” Jessica gasped in the locker room, blood draining from her face as she crumbled to the floor.
It was a joke. It must be.
With trembling fingers, she scrolled up quickly, desperate to find proof, any at all, that would reassure herself that the message was only a cruel and nasty prank of sorts.
“Sooyeon-ssi, are you okay?” Jessica heard a voice ask, but her vision was already blurring. She nodded weakly, not trusting herself to speak without breaking down.
Nana here! Yoona got into an accident, shit. Oh fuck. Help!
Omg Unnie, she’s bleeding a lot! what do we do????
Called the ambulance, omfg unnie she’s not waking up!
WHERE’S THE AMBULANCE FFS.
Omg omg omg, I’m so scared.
It wasn’t a joke.
The realisation hit Jessica as she scrolled through Nana’s panic.
OMG YOONA DON’T DIE.
The very first message replayed over and over in her head, unyieldingly, and suddenly she felt as though her life was being torn apart. Again.
No no no. This. Can't. NO.
She couldn’t even scream out loud. Her voice was gone, her body cold, shivering. It was then, that the four letters camouflaged in the panicky messages caught her eyes.
SNUH.
Seoul National University Hospital.
A burst of newfound energy flooded her. Adrenaline coursed through her veins. She sprang to her feet and took off for the Emergency centre, sprinting faster than she ever had in her life. Her colleagues were shouting behind her. She hadn’t changed out of her work outfit. That shiny ‘Jung Sooyeon’ nametag was still pinned to her coat.
It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
Except Yoona.
Flashing her access card, she took all the available shortcuts to her destinations, narrowly avoiding colleagues and patients along the way in her blinding desperation.
When she finally screeched to a stop in front of the information counter at the Emergency centre, she was panting heavily, her lungs burned and words refused to form.
“Sooyeon-ssi?”
Jessica gasped for air.
Focus. Jung Sooyeon.
The staff at the counter was someone she knew through her rotation, a Mrs. Kim.
“What’s wrong?”
Shaking her hand, she choked out the words desperately.
“Yoona. Im Yoona.”
The urgency ringing clear in Jessica’s voice and the distressed plea in her eyes weren’t lost on Mrs. Kim and she muttered a quick apology to the next person in queue before punching in the name.
“Nineteen years of age, admitted two hours ago, Im Yoona?”
“Y-yes.”
“Wing B, Ward 12.”
“Thanks!”
Jessica was just about to propel herself to the location again but then it hit her.
Wing B, ward 12.
That was a perfectly normal ward, a private one and definitely not for dying patients.
“Huh, not surgery? Or…?”
“No.” Ms. Kim replied with a straight face, and nodded to the next person in queue. “She had a screaming friend with her, I remember. I’ve to attend to others, Sooyeon-ssi. You’d better leave before they accuse you of jumping the queue.”
Yoona’s… fine? Not dying?
Jessica bowed, a little embarrassed, before briskly making her way over to Wing B. Her tears were drying along with the hysteria as she calmed herself. While she was extremely relieved that Yoona wasn’t actually bordering the edges of life and death, battling to stay alive, the worry and questions remained.
What the actual fuck happened?
***
When Jessica threw open the door, Yoona was propped up against white pillows on the bed. She was digging her spoon into some bland-looking hospital jelly, looking far too nonchalant for someone with a casted leg hanging mid-air. Her eyes lit up, but Jessica stopped at the doorway, doused in confusion.
“Unnie!”
“Im Yoona!”
The way Jessica ground out her name and stalked over scared Yoona. The thought that she had woken up a sleeping lion - abruptly, violently - flashed like a red alert. Jessica looked dreadful. Ashen face and bloodshot eyes. She had been crying, definitely.
Guilt slammed into Yoona. She’d be alright if Jessica was purely angry, but no, she had caused the other girl so much worry. She’d made Jessica cry. That alone was a thought that she couldn’t bear without cringing, and even withering inside.
“Wow, unnie, did someone splash you with white paint on the way here? Your face is whiter than whitewash.” Mustering up a huge grin, Yoona hoped that her humour would be enough to ease Jessica’s worry.
The effect of those words, though, were far from what she had wanted or expected.
“Is it funny? Do you think this is funny?” Jessica gestured wildly, the control she usually prided herself on slipping rapidly. “It isn’t! You lying on the fucking hospital bed isn’t the least bit funny to me.”
“Um, unnie, I-” Yoona rubbed the back of her neck in discomfort, but no words came to her. Of all the years they had spent together, this was the first time Jessica had flared up so intensely at her.
Yoona looked to her parents pleadingly and her father opened his mouth, presumably to interject, but Mrs. Im rested her arm on his and shook her head slightly. No.
Lifeline gone, she was left to face Jessica’s wrath on her own.
“Un-”
“No, you listen to me. Do you know how I felt when I saw those damn messages your friend sent? Do you even know what the first message I saw was?!”
“Um,” Yoona mumbled timidly, fingers fidgeting with unease. “Nana said she contacted you, that’s all I-”
“It said you’re dying! You were fucking dying, Im Yoona! You tell me, how was I supposed to feel?!" Emotions held her mind hostage. All logic had been abandoned, and there wasn’t a single way to stop herself. Her fists were clenched so tightly that the skin stretched over her knuckles turned white. Too far gone, now.
“I’m sorry…” Yoona dipped her head, unable, unwilling to meet the agony flashing in Jessica’s eyes.
“How could you-” Jessica choked, and started pacing, “-actually brush this off? I thought you were dead! I thought I was gonna see your body! I thought maybe I should be heading off to the goddamn morgue instead! Do you even understand?!”
Yoona’s mind shut down and blanked out with a buzz. Jessica’s distress was affecting her. Her heart screamed for her to comfort and assure Jessica, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate. Too surprised by the scale of her reaction, Yoona could only bite her lips.
“I-”
Yoona’s mouth clamped shut again. She couldn’t think of a single word to say that would comfort Jessica right now and there seemed to be little left that she could do. But, maybe, the simplest act would be the best
“What the hell are you doing?” Jessica demanded, rushing to the bedside when Yoona struggled to sit straight up.
“Getting up to hug you…?”
“What?!”
“Unnie, it’s alright now. I’m alive.” Yoona held out her arms, the tears slowly finding their way into her eyes. “Feel me, I’m alive. It’s alright.”
Time seemed to stand still as Jessica froze, unmoving, unblinking, inches away from Yoona’s outstretched arms.
Yoona smiled. Only this time, there was not a trace of playful cheeriness on her lips, only comfort and assurance.
Everything’s fine now.
Trembling fingers reached forward hesitantly. Insecurity swallowed her whole, as though this wasn’t real.
Just a split second of contact was too much for Jessica. She jerked away, wide-eyed. “I can’t deal with this, Yoona,” she whispered, looking almost afraid. “Not now. Not ever. I can’t.”
And before Yoona could say another word, Jessica bolted out of the room. Leaving Yoona bewildered and surrounded by a deafening silence.
An awkward low cough eventually eased the tension.
“What was that about, Yoona?”
Yoona shrugged at her father’s question, her face grim. The uncharacteristic behaviour put up by Jessica was probably more of a shock to her than it was to her father. Though the entire episode barely lasted a full fifteen minutes, Yoona was introduced to sides of Jessica that she had no idea even existed.
“You’d be as hysterical if the hospital called and said those stuff,” Mrs. Im said, leaning forward and patting Yoona on the shoulder, ignoring her husband’s muffled rebuttal. “Yoona, check if Sooyeon’s okay in a bit, alright?”
Yoona murmured her agreement, but she just couldn’t get the image of Jessica’s outburst out of her head. That complete loss of control was foreboding.
Stupid leg.
She cursed in her head, eyeing her injured leg with a vengeance.
Something told her that Jessica wasn’t fine at all; Her head hurt and her heart was in unrest.
***
Just about half an hour after Jessica had left, Yuri burst into the ward almost as Jessica had.
The panic-stricken expression she wore was less overwhelming than Jessica’s but it was clear to Yoona that she had rushed frantically on her way here; Her pants were resounding in the otherwise empty room.
“Yuri unnie, are you okay? Sit,” Yoona said, motioning to the vacated seats, now that her parents had gone out for a bite.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just a broken leg and a concussion. A very mild concussion.”
Yuri eyed the casted leg with suspicion before she grudgingly fell on the chair. The look on her seemed to be saying “just a broken leg?”
“Jinah texted me. She was screaming for help and stuff through text. I was at training and-”
“Did she say I was dying too?”
“Yeah, how’d you know? It was crazy. And what? You broke a leg?” Yuri’s hand ran frustratedly through her hair and Yoona’s palm found her face.
“She’s such a drama queen, causing me all sorts of problems, as if a broken leg isn’t bad enough.”
“Did she text your parents or something?”
“Nah, Jessica unnie. Told her I was dying. Unnie panicked and-” Yoona sighed, worry surfacing. “Like she went nuts? Just totally not herself.”
At the mention of Jessica’s name, Yuri scanned the surroundings instinctively, eyes clouded with concern, even though it was obvious that no one else was in the room.
Hostility and unhappiness. Those were supposed to surface, Yoona thought so. But where were they? Maybe it wasn’t much, perhaps it was due to Jessica’s hysteria. As her gaze trained on Yuri, something clicked in Yoona’s brain.
There wasn’t really anything to compare, not when the basis of comparison didn't exist to begin with. It became clear, painfully so: she had been blinded by her childishness and jealousy.
“Do me a favour, will you?”
Yuri sat up straight, a guilty look on her face.
“I didn’t mean to,” she grappled at the words, but failed to find anything appropriate to explain her behaviour. "Jes-"
Yoona shook her head and stopped the apology.
“Nope, it’s fine. Just do me a favour and help me check up on Jessica unnie, please? She’s not answering my calls or messages.” Sticking out her index finger, Yoona pointed at Yuri’s phone. “I’ll give you the passcode to our home’s security lock. She probably wouldn’t answer the door either, but she should be home.”
Confusion was expected and the way Yuri hesitated in passing over her phone was almost comical. As though she was anticipating that Yoona would grab her phone and possibly flush it down the toilet as some kind of stupid revenge.
“Yoona, are you serious about this, I mean-”
“Yeah, unnie’s more important. We shouldn't even be fighting over this. Truce, okay?”
As if to emphasise her point, Yoona held out her palm for a handshake and Yuri finally cracked a smile.
“Too formal, Yoong. Here.” The older girl slapped her phone into Yoona’s hand instead of accepting the gesture.
Returning the grin, Yoona typed the digits of the passcode into the phone. And when Yuri set off for their home, the younger girl was left on her own to muse over things.
Undeniably, they wanted the same thing, the same person. But essentially, they each occupied different spot. And this hostility, was it fair to Yuri?
Yoona shut her eyes, slipping into darkness.
Her head felt heavy, whatever the nurse her with was making her sleepy. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts had one word.
Jessica.
***
The cab had dropped Jessica off at the curb and somehow, she managed to get herself home despite that she never stopped feeling like she was stepping on sinking ground.
Voices in her head echoed all kinds of conversations. She tried hard to keep sanity, repeatedly drowning out her thoughts with a chant.
Yoona’s alive, she's alive.
Uselessly, she crumbled, still. Easily defeated by her demons in this face-to-face confrontation. It left her stumbling home, head throbbing and tears falling freely.
Her mind was overrun by flashbacks, some hazy and others clear as crystal.
Unnie~!
Huge, childish grins. Downturned lips. Frowns, the way her eyebrows dipped. Muffled voices.
Endless calls of unnie bombarded her mind. Waves and waves of it, to the point where Jessica couldn’t tell who was calling her anymore. She fell heavily onto the couch, cradled her head and willed for sleep to claim her.
Nothing.
But a small hand in her memory reached out, grabbing her with an insistence.
Forced her back to where it all started.
Distorted, jumbled, flashes of the past.
***
Eight-year-old Jessica announced her return after school but no one answered her call.
Typical.
As she went up to the second level of their house, she noticed that the study room right at the end had its door closed. It must be Mom hard at work, being the aspiring novelist she was.
Jessica shrugged; it was no longer a thing. Instead, she skipped to the second room on the left, cracked the door open slightly and peeked in.
Baby sister was at her usual position, sprawled out in bed with a picture book in hand, lost in the world of words and imagination.
“Psst,” Jessica tried, but the younger girl didn’t look up at all. “PSSSSSST.”
The louder hiss finally caught the attention of the kid, and she looked up with a blooming bright smile.
“Unnie! You’re back!”
Jessica opened the door fully and her sister immediately shot up and pattered over, engulfing her in a tight hug.
“Hello you little kid!”
“Not little!” Baby sister pouted, tilting her head up at the much-taller Jessica. A three-year gap in age did wonders to their height difference.
“Sure thing.” Jessica ruffled her sister’s hair before leading her back into the room. “This again?”
Holding up the squarish book adorned with the illustration of a yellow and round character, Jessica smiled warmly.
Mr. Happy, the bold, black words on the cover announced.
“You really like these, don’t you? You read books all day.”
“They’re funny! I like books!”
Beaming, she took Mr. Happy away from Jessica and returned it to the special box which held her entire collection of Mr. Men’s books.
“Unnie, let’s play! I like you,” the childish tone laced her words and the young girl smiled wide. “Most!”
***
"I read a book..."
"Mmhmm?" Jessica responded with a soft hum. The pair were snug in bed, and the night sky seemed particularly dark in her memory.
"Monster," a little whine came from baby sis as she snuggled close to Jessica, thin arms thrown over her stomach. "Under the bed!"
At that, Jessica giggled, tickled by her little sister's cute words.
"Will they come? Are they below? Daddy chased away monster in the books but daddy's always away..."
Jessica hugged her close and nuzzled the young girl on the nose, a familiar intimacy; her heart overflowing with affection for her little sister.
"No they won't, as long as unnie's here. Unnie will protect you, always."
The contented smile that stretched across her rosy face and the clumsy peck landing on her cheek was something Jessica would cherish forever.
***
When Jessica snapped back, Yuri was shaking her and she was slumped on the ground, head against her bed.
She couldn’t remember how she got there, nor how she had nicked the bottle of wine.
Why were the books sprawled all over the floor?
And what was Yuri doing here?
“Yul?” Her voice came out slurred. The headache was miraculously gone, replaced by waves of light-headedness. “Why you here”
“How much did you drink?” Yuri pried the bottle away from Jessica’s loose grip, setting it on the floor. “Come on, let’s-”
“Hi, Yul, hi hi hi!” Jessica shifted and attempted to sit up but her head felt like it weighed a thousand tons. Yuri was somewhat floating in and out of focus, as though she was an illusion. “I’m okay.”
“Sica, you aren’t. Let me help, please.”
“Sureee I am!” Jessica laughed, not realising that it sounded more hysterical than light-hearted.
Yuri sighed and planted herself beside Jessica.
“You’re not okay, Sica, you’re crying.”
“I am...?”Jessica limply swiped her eyes with the back of her palm. “Oh, I am. Not stopping. Tears.”
“Jessica…”
Yuri seemed lost for words, rooted in place as Jessica simply kept still and allowed the tears to run.
And it was Jessica who shattered the silence, voice broken.
“Yul. You know, those.” Jessica pointed all around her. “All her favourite books. All I have left.”
And Yuri knew immediately, nodding to Jessica’s words but not trusting herself to speak.
“It’s a secret. Shush.”
“Yes, a secret, it’s safe with me.”
“Thanks.” Jessica smiled. The tears had stopped for a bit and suddenly Yuri was back in focus. “You’re nice.”
“I think you’re drunk, Sica. How about you just lie down?”
“Can’t.” Jessica shook her head obstinately. “The alcohol helped. My brain isn’t listening to me. It hurts.”
“Headache? I’ll go get you some pills.” Yuri scrambled to her feet but was immediately yanked back down by Jessica.
“No. Everywhere. Memories.”
The alcohol had reduced Jessica to a truthful mess. Yuri had never been more unsure before. Any action seemed like it’d break Jessica.
Too vulnerable. Too delicate.
Yuri released a breath and chose silence.
“I never got to say goodbye.” Jessica dragged herself closer to Yuri, and with much effort, hoisted her body away from the sides of the bed and onto the lanky girl. “Never did say. Goodbye. Didn’t see her.”
Jessica stuck her face to Yuri’s shoulder, arms circled her neck as she spoke.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye. And gone.”
Jessica laughed, muffled and hollow. With each word, she pressed herself harder against Yuri’s body, hugging the girl tighter than before.
“Mom is dumb. Didn’t notice, didn't hear the crash. She said. Was locked up in her room. Writing stupid shit. Hospital. I hate the hospital, Yul.”
“Yeah. Me too.” There wasn’t a correct response anymore. She gave up, blinked and let her own tears trickle down. Jessica’s heartache and anguishing was piercing into Yuri’s heart, prickling her emotions.
“Hossspital, fucking awful. Why don’t they save lives?”
“I don’t know, sometimes they do.”
“Yul,” Jessica mumbled, the ripples of resignation and loss swirling in her eyes. “I didn’t see her. Didn’t say goodbye. Got back and she wasn’t around anymore.”
“Sica, don’t go there, come back to me. Come back to now, don’t think.” Yuri patted Jessica’s back, trying to soothe her, but she could feel the vigorous shakes from Jessica’s shoulders.
“What can I do. I can’t, I don’t want to lose her. And,” Jessica gasped. “Yooooona. She, nearly. Too.”
Yuri lightly detached herself from Jessica, gripping her shoulders to pull her away gently but firmly. Jessica wasn’t crying. She seemed empty, incoherent and lost.
“Everything’s alright now, Yoona’s fine.” Yuri bit down on her lips, hesitantly reaching for Jessica’s cheeks. “We’re all fine, Sica. Don’t think about the past. Stay here. We love you. Be here.”
The only response was her empty gaze.
She was a bubbling volcano, just waiting for the eruption, maybe.
“I love you, let’s get through this together. Sica, please.”
Jessica shook her head, paused, stared at Yuri, before shaking her head once more.
“You can, we’ll try.” Yuri cupped both of her cheeks, determined to keep Jessica from losing her sanity. “Just let us help. Let Yoona in, please. We-”
Her words were abruptly cut off by Jessica sweeping in unannounced, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together.
Jessica no longer knew what she was doing; the alcohol had long dulled her senses and killed off logic altogether. She wanted comfort, wanted warmth. The ghosts were coming for her and she needed safe hideout, somewhere to bury the broken shards of her self.
Yuri, here and now, was a lifeline, a buoy, someone for her to hang on to.
The kiss was devoid of any romantic passion. Desperation surged, as Jessica forced Yuri’s lips apart easily, seeking escape from their tanglement. One hand tugged at Yuri’s top, and the other cradled the back of her head.
“Sica!” Yuri broke away, grasping at Jessica’s wrist, restraining it.
Heavy, tensed silence followed. With tears glistening in her eyes, Jessica looked at Yuri for long seconds before hanging her head.
Yuri immediately pulled Jessica into a hug. “I know you’re… drunk and stuff. I’m going to help you up, okay? You’ll feel better after soon sleep.”
The taller of the two slowly got up, holding Jessica by her shoulders gingerly. However, it took just this one step for Jessica to lose it once more, haunting images filling her mind. Of a running child. Crying, in pain.
Buried.
Jessica pushed Yuri away and on to the bed with surprising strength.
An empty shell.
“Jessica?”
Before Yuri could get herself off the bed, Jessica had already climbed onto her. She wrapped her arms around the younger girl and locking her in a heartbreaking embrace.
“Yul… help.”
She couldn’t care if it was too much for Yuri. Driven by instincts and nothing else, she needed something - someone - to ward away the past that was cutting unrelentingly into her.
And finally, Yuri didn’t resist when Jessica grabbed and pulled her into another ferocious kiss. Jessica tasted something tangy and metallic on the tip of her tongue, but there was no turning back as she dragged Yuri’s top off, running her hands down the lean torso. She tried to shove the mental torture from her conscious, shifting her lips down blindly, leaving bites. She reached for Yuri’s hand, forced it upon her chest and tried to drown herself in physical pleasure as Yuri fondled her breast through her top.
She wanted this but she didn’t want it. All at the same time.
Yuri was gentle, despite the rough treatment she’d received. Soft kisses were peppered against Jessica’s skin, lightly, lovingly, and it came roaring to her, as her fingers unclasped Yuri’s bra.
“It’s fine, as long as you’re fine.”
Yuri’s shaky whisper beneath her was the last straw.
Jessica ceased all movement, still seated on Yuri’s thigh, and broke down completely.
[A/N]
A/N: Did anyone expect me to kill Yoona off? No? Darn, I need to be more cruel. Anyway, about this… I’m not hundred percent satisfied but it’s really too draining to keep going through it. Hope you guys like it and in case anyone is still wondering, I’m not pushing any ship omg. Jessica led the way for me, I’ll forward any complaints to her and CC Yoona and Yuri, okay? See you guys two weeks later! omgomgomg i am nearly out of pre-written chapters. OMG.