what a mood killer...
no one was around at lunch so carlo and i decided to walk and have one of our little theorapy sessions..
and i got to thinking..
why am i keeping myself in this relationship?
i care about samy, yes- and i meant it when i told him i loved him- dispite his love- or lack there of- for me.
but.. what if that's not enough?
if you think about it-- what's the point of having a relationship in highschool?
>#1: to know [or at least feel like] someone cares about and appriciates your exsistance.
>#2: for security or rebellious reasons.
and >#3: to get laid
but i don't feel like he appriciates me, i'm not rebelling and he doesn't really do much for security- and face it-- the last one is like a once a month kinda thing.
so my iniciative to stay?
what- to nurse him off cocaine? to be his call-girl whenever he decides he wants some? or to wait around letting myself get hurt everytime he blows me off?
i mean this addiction may have been around way before i ever came into his life but i had no idea that he was regularly doing this when i first met him. and now that i know... he's become a completely different person to me.
i don't feel like i can trust him. and i hate that feeling.
everyone hates me because i feel so strongly about all these things but still i won't end it with samy.
i can't help but be addicted to him- even with all this- i don't know what's best for me anymore.
i mean yeah- maybe i deserve someone who's going to pay attention to me and be there for me-- but things would be soo much worse if i didn't have samy in my life.
i think he's one of the biggest reasons i haven't cut in so long..
god- idk guys... someone help me...
and i got to thinking..
why am i keeping myself in this relationship?
i care about samy, yes- and i meant it when i told him i loved him- dispite his love- or lack there of- for me.
but.. what if that's not enough?
if you think about it-- what's the point of having a relationship in highschool?
>#1: to know [or at least feel like] someone cares about and appriciates your exsistance.
>#2: for security or rebellious reasons.
and >#3: to get laid
but i don't feel like he appriciates me, i'm not rebelling and he doesn't really do much for security- and face it-- the last one is like a once a month kinda thing.
so my iniciative to stay?
what- to nurse him off cocaine? to be his call-girl whenever he decides he wants some? or to wait around letting myself get hurt everytime he blows me off?
i mean this addiction may have been around way before i ever came into his life but i had no idea that he was regularly doing this when i first met him. and now that i know... he's become a completely different person to me.
i don't feel like i can trust him. and i hate that feeling.
everyone hates me because i feel so strongly about all these things but still i won't end it with samy.
i can't help but be addicted to him- even with all this- i don't know what's best for me anymore.
i mean yeah- maybe i deserve someone who's going to pay attention to me and be there for me-- but things would be soo much worse if i didn't have samy in my life.
i think he's one of the biggest reasons i haven't cut in so long..
god- idk guys... someone help me...