(no subject)
So heres an update on my drama.
1. One of my lymphnodes has swelled up the size of a golf ball. Ive been tired for about 2 months and ontop of all that i have felt queezy very frequently. Everyone has come to the conclusion it is prolly cancer. Im not really worried about it. I prolly should be, but im not. Ill go to the doctor eventually. You know, when i get insurance.
2. My best friend pretty much hates me. Which i didnt know until today.
3. My other best friend spent the past week at my house. Which although very enjoyable, was also kind of stressful. I like how i can be myself around him, but i hate how myself isnt good enough. I know i pretty much treated him like shit when we were together, but do i really have to hear about it everyday? Even when im tryin to treat him better. It doesnt really make sense to me that when im paying for his ciggarettes and other things that he bitches about all the money he spent on me. Im not bitching about spending my money on him.
4. I saw Vince for the first time in about a week today. Theres really no drama there. Its just something going on that i felt like updating about. Theres never any drama surrounding him. He likes it that way, i think. Although i love how everyone else is staring to see the same Vince that i see. It makes me feel a little less crazy knowing that his personality attracts other people to him. Although, my feelings for him arent as strong as they once were. Not that hes any less attractive... just ive come back to reality. Going after something unattainable is only fun for so long.
Ive realized that i have nothing to offer anyone. Not even as a friend. Im fucking boring. I never have anything interesting to say or do.
I make elabroate get togethers or plans to make it seem like im interesting, but its just a coverup. Because with out that.. im boring. I like to ride around and listen to music. I like to read. I like to sleep. None of those are interesting in most peoples mind.
I cant offer any type of monetarial support or fun. Those of which i do choose to spend my money on are happy for about a day, until all the money is gone.
Im not good emotional support. If i ever give advice, its the complete oposite of what should prolly be done. Drama seems to follow me like a fucking rain cloud hanging above my head. Even when i dont start it. Im jelous. Im hurtful. I talk about things or bring things up that should not be said.
Anyways, im on the phone.
Enough of this bullshit
1. One of my lymphnodes has swelled up the size of a golf ball. Ive been tired for about 2 months and ontop of all that i have felt queezy very frequently. Everyone has come to the conclusion it is prolly cancer. Im not really worried about it. I prolly should be, but im not. Ill go to the doctor eventually. You know, when i get insurance.
2. My best friend pretty much hates me. Which i didnt know until today.
3. My other best friend spent the past week at my house. Which although very enjoyable, was also kind of stressful. I like how i can be myself around him, but i hate how myself isnt good enough. I know i pretty much treated him like shit when we were together, but do i really have to hear about it everyday? Even when im tryin to treat him better. It doesnt really make sense to me that when im paying for his ciggarettes and other things that he bitches about all the money he spent on me. Im not bitching about spending my money on him.
4. I saw Vince for the first time in about a week today. Theres really no drama there. Its just something going on that i felt like updating about. Theres never any drama surrounding him. He likes it that way, i think. Although i love how everyone else is staring to see the same Vince that i see. It makes me feel a little less crazy knowing that his personality attracts other people to him. Although, my feelings for him arent as strong as they once were. Not that hes any less attractive... just ive come back to reality. Going after something unattainable is only fun for so long.
Ive realized that i have nothing to offer anyone. Not even as a friend. Im fucking boring. I never have anything interesting to say or do.
I make elabroate get togethers or plans to make it seem like im interesting, but its just a coverup. Because with out that.. im boring. I like to ride around and listen to music. I like to read. I like to sleep. None of those are interesting in most peoples mind.
I cant offer any type of monetarial support or fun. Those of which i do choose to spend my money on are happy for about a day, until all the money is gone.
Im not good emotional support. If i ever give advice, its the complete oposite of what should prolly be done. Drama seems to follow me like a fucking rain cloud hanging above my head. Even when i dont start it. Im jelous. Im hurtful. I talk about things or bring things up that should not be said.
Anyways, im on the phone.
Enough of this bullshit