dont come home for christmas, youre the last thing i wanna see underneath the tree

[xstars_at_night]

im scared. i dont know how much longer i can go on like this.. its been over three years. the second i think im done i never fail to dissapoint myself. but then again, in a way its not dissapointing. it's control. it lets me know that i still have control over something at least. its a release and comfort. but with that comes the reminder of the fact that in a way, i am a hazard to myself. thats what scares me the most. i think its finally time to tell LAM ive been lying to her for about 5 months. its not gonna be easy. im scared she'll hate me... but she wouldnt be the only one..
i love how you never fail to put words into my mouth. you take me completely the wrong way. we thought we understood each other but we never did. you dont know me and you never will...