im so cold

[xstardust]

I have been thinking about stuff.. lately.. just everything.. friends.. family.. wasted tears and fights and drama and arguments that could have been spent being happy... like with felicha.. michelle and krystal and stephanie know it the best .. when felicha told me that she was moving .. i cried... i wrote to her in her journal and told her how much she ment to me.. when she was in the hospital..i cried so fucking hard.. i cried for like 4 hours.. even tho.. i am not .. or wasn't best friends with her.. the thought of her being hurt or sick.. killed me.. and i told god.. she is such a good person.. don't do this do her.. make her feel better.. i fucking looked up the map to the hospital and i picked up stephanie krystal and michelle because they were concerned about me and wanted to make sure that i got to the hospital alrite.. I cried all the way there.. I was doing like 100mph.. dude.. I am like crying again.. because it's fucked up.. for real.. this hole thing is so fucking unfair and so fucking stupid.. i never ment to say anything to her.. and never ment to hurt her feelings or whatever.. if i would have known the outcome.. i would have never said anything .. i wish life was more simple.. i wish every day was easy... wake up.. go to school.. come home.. do whatever.. go to bed.. do the same thing the next day.. but there is so much drama.. all my friends hate eachother.. and everyone is fighting.. i am fighting .. my parents hate me.. my mom completly embarassed the fuck outta me today at a babyshower.. told everyone how unproud she was of me and all this bull shit.. and then this thing with michelle.. i feel like i always have to compete to be better then her lakeshore friends.. and i shouldn't have to.. maybe she didn't say.. it outloud.. that we are nothing like her other friends.. but it was implied.. i can only be me.. and unfourtanatly that's not good enough.. for hardly anyone now a days.. ((sigh))

got the brake pads fixed today.. krystal's daddy made that all better for me.. ((((thanks)))))

i'm going to bed.. maybe tomorrow will be better.. but.. i highly doubt it .. as soon as i wake up.. this shit will start all over again.. and i am so tierd of hearing it.. i am so soosososososooooo tierd of it