(no subject)
Never again will i mix my meds with alcohol. One of the sillier mistakes i have made. it felt like i was blacking out and i can only remember bits and pieces. Now i just feel like i want to die. Sometimes people like to let them selfs crash and get to their lowest points. I think im good for a while now.
Im so happy with Ben, he makes me feel good and comfortable. Im happy. I just worry a lot about us, even though i know i have no reason to. My main concern is that it seems like he has more in common with other people than me. i see him talking to them and in a way, i get jealous. not because other people are talking to him, but because it seems like they have a better connection to him than me. I always worry when i see this that maybe im not right for him and that he should be with someone that is more like him and has more of the same interests as him. I dont know why conversations have to be so hard. I feel like im just so socially awkward.
Ben also brought up something, he says sometimes i say mean or negative things out of the blue and it come off like im being bitchy. I didnt realize thats how it comes off. Thats how i have always been and i didnt know that it hurt or offended people in that way. I just wished that my friends would have figured out by now, that those comments arent meant to be hurtful but almost endearing. But now i know, and im going to stop. i dont say mean things to people i dont like, just to the people i do like. its almost like, when little kids pick on each other when they have a crush on someone else. Thats what i mean by my actions, i like you guys! I guess im still 8 years old. So im sorry i act like a jerk sometimes, i dont mean any harm by it. Nothing but love.
School starts in 2 days, kinda indifferent about it, should be a fun semester.
I got cast in a show, a real show! one out side of school! im really excited, im finally moving forward with what i want to do. its kinda like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
Im so happy with Ben, he makes me feel good and comfortable. Im happy. I just worry a lot about us, even though i know i have no reason to. My main concern is that it seems like he has more in common with other people than me. i see him talking to them and in a way, i get jealous. not because other people are talking to him, but because it seems like they have a better connection to him than me. I always worry when i see this that maybe im not right for him and that he should be with someone that is more like him and has more of the same interests as him. I dont know why conversations have to be so hard. I feel like im just so socially awkward.
Ben also brought up something, he says sometimes i say mean or negative things out of the blue and it come off like im being bitchy. I didnt realize thats how it comes off. Thats how i have always been and i didnt know that it hurt or offended people in that way. I just wished that my friends would have figured out by now, that those comments arent meant to be hurtful but almost endearing. But now i know, and im going to stop. i dont say mean things to people i dont like, just to the people i do like. its almost like, when little kids pick on each other when they have a crush on someone else. Thats what i mean by my actions, i like you guys! I guess im still 8 years old. So im sorry i act like a jerk sometimes, i dont mean any harm by it. Nothing but love.
School starts in 2 days, kinda indifferent about it, should be a fun semester.
I got cast in a show, a real show! one out side of school! im really excited, im finally moving forward with what i want to do. its kinda like a weight has been lifted off my chest.