(no subject)
So I'm wondering, what designates one as a "player"? The term itself makes me scoff..
While visiting my hometown, not to mention running with a newer crowd, as well as my previous one, I've found myself surrounded by a few men who have made themselves available to me... that sounds really sexual, and maybe it is, but not so blatantly. I'm only so interested, to a certain point, at which I have specific lines/boundaries drawn.
In Seattle it felt as though I was invisible, especially by men of God. The attention I received varied from an aspiring film maker who was more than happy to oblige to escorting me around Seattle on various occasions, a younger artist who has offered to escort me around downtown Seattle, and a design student who also would like to explore with me. Of course, the Russian isn't interested any longer, it seems that I've proven myself too difficult for his tastes. "Maybe you should have made up your mind before I changed mine". It's ok. He packs more drama that a 13-year-old girl. An acquaintence of his has begun speaking with me regularly though, and it's been very encouraging.. someone I think I may really enjoy hanging around with...
On the other hand, here in the Spokane/Coeur d'Alene area, I have a supply of suitors. Here is my rundown of the last week or so. Date with most recent boyfriend. Drinks and pool with guy who resembles other ex boyfriend. Poker with the womanizers. Movie with older ex boyfriend who "misses me". Movies and wine with past interest who wasn't returning interest at the time, now all of his friends are getting married, and he's feeling left out I suppose. Does this make me a player?
I suppose the typical visual of a player is some loser who happens to be lucky enough to string along a few girls who don't know what they deserve, right? But, how is a woman a player? Especially, without being called a slut, or a tease, for that matter? Firstly, I'm not sexually active with any of these fine fellows. I simply accept their attention I suppose. I'm not one to give the cold shoulder, but I also don't consider myself one to encourage their advances. I simply enjoy their company while still retaining and protecting my boundaries... right? Is this settling for a lower standard? Or simply entertaining myself until the right person comes along? Something I was challenged with amidst some revelation was that, how could my husband enter my life, when it was filled with the affections of other men? He can't really enter until there's room for him to move in.
Mind you, I'm not the typical girl who desperately fights for attention.. I don't need it, and am perfectly content being alone and without anyone pursuing me... I just notice when I am being pursued and when I'm not. For the majority of the time, I generally will never assume that someone is interested in me romantically - I either tag them as a.) man wanting sex or b.) man with higher moral standards, who just wants friendship. Never - man worth considering who is interested in me. I'd much rather be surprised by their interest than pining away only to be disappointed and hurt by it being one sided. Maybe that could be considered insecurity. I consider it wisdom. Maybe a touch bit old-fashioned.
All of this is coming about as a result of my new friends, or acquaintences, the brothers - that's what we'll call them. Two (there are 4) of which are considered quite the womanizers. They often accept the attentions of many females at a time, making them feel special, etc. while not really trying to cover the other women who also are being made to feel special, and they get away with it. Women who know better but chose to play ignorant. Now, being one of the girls who is a friend of the family I suppose you'd call it -Seeing as I've befriended most of the immediate family, I think I'm kind of off limits- it is still tempting to attempt to win the affections of these guys. Because, of course, you always want to be the one to change them.. not directly, by your own hand, but by being the intangible one - the one they strive to get.. Forbidden fruit of sorts. This is my struggle - not playing "chase me" - because in all honesty, I know I deserve better and I know that God, should I be obedient, will bless me with more than what I deserve... why would I settle for someone who neglects to see my worth? Exactly.
I suppose it all boils down to, the want to be wanted.
While visiting my hometown, not to mention running with a newer crowd, as well as my previous one, I've found myself surrounded by a few men who have made themselves available to me... that sounds really sexual, and maybe it is, but not so blatantly. I'm only so interested, to a certain point, at which I have specific lines/boundaries drawn.
In Seattle it felt as though I was invisible, especially by men of God. The attention I received varied from an aspiring film maker who was more than happy to oblige to escorting me around Seattle on various occasions, a younger artist who has offered to escort me around downtown Seattle, and a design student who also would like to explore with me. Of course, the Russian isn't interested any longer, it seems that I've proven myself too difficult for his tastes. "Maybe you should have made up your mind before I changed mine". It's ok. He packs more drama that a 13-year-old girl. An acquaintence of his has begun speaking with me regularly though, and it's been very encouraging.. someone I think I may really enjoy hanging around with...
On the other hand, here in the Spokane/Coeur d'Alene area, I have a supply of suitors. Here is my rundown of the last week or so. Date with most recent boyfriend. Drinks and pool with guy who resembles other ex boyfriend. Poker with the womanizers. Movie with older ex boyfriend who "misses me". Movies and wine with past interest who wasn't returning interest at the time, now all of his friends are getting married, and he's feeling left out I suppose. Does this make me a player?
I suppose the typical visual of a player is some loser who happens to be lucky enough to string along a few girls who don't know what they deserve, right? But, how is a woman a player? Especially, without being called a slut, or a tease, for that matter? Firstly, I'm not sexually active with any of these fine fellows. I simply accept their attention I suppose. I'm not one to give the cold shoulder, but I also don't consider myself one to encourage their advances. I simply enjoy their company while still retaining and protecting my boundaries... right? Is this settling for a lower standard? Or simply entertaining myself until the right person comes along? Something I was challenged with amidst some revelation was that, how could my husband enter my life, when it was filled with the affections of other men? He can't really enter until there's room for him to move in.
Mind you, I'm not the typical girl who desperately fights for attention.. I don't need it, and am perfectly content being alone and without anyone pursuing me... I just notice when I am being pursued and when I'm not. For the majority of the time, I generally will never assume that someone is interested in me romantically - I either tag them as a.) man wanting sex or b.) man with higher moral standards, who just wants friendship. Never - man worth considering who is interested in me. I'd much rather be surprised by their interest than pining away only to be disappointed and hurt by it being one sided. Maybe that could be considered insecurity. I consider it wisdom. Maybe a touch bit old-fashioned.
All of this is coming about as a result of my new friends, or acquaintences, the brothers - that's what we'll call them. Two (there are 4) of which are considered quite the womanizers. They often accept the attentions of many females at a time, making them feel special, etc. while not really trying to cover the other women who also are being made to feel special, and they get away with it. Women who know better but chose to play ignorant. Now, being one of the girls who is a friend of the family I suppose you'd call it -Seeing as I've befriended most of the immediate family, I think I'm kind of off limits- it is still tempting to attempt to win the affections of these guys. Because, of course, you always want to be the one to change them.. not directly, by your own hand, but by being the intangible one - the one they strive to get.. Forbidden fruit of sorts. This is my struggle - not playing "chase me" - because in all honesty, I know I deserve better and I know that God, should I be obedient, will bless me with more than what I deserve... why would I settle for someone who neglects to see my worth? Exactly.
I suppose it all boils down to, the want to be wanted.