(no subject)
I just broke up with John last night. Well, officially tonight, but last night was the "event" that led up to it. I don't know how to feel right now. This is a guy who has done nothing intentionally wrong, I've just become a bit too distracted and hindered. Our priorities are off, and our focus is shifted. I love this guy. He is so kind, loving, thoughtful, gorgeous, sweet, funny... this will be hard. Last night I thought things were ok, but we went to the gym tonight and wound up talking about it somehow, I think it came up when he tried to kiss me goodnight. I mentioned that I didn't think that would be appropriate with us trying to be "intentional" friends. I just figure, I'm going to marry a friend. We may have a short season of courting/engagement, but other than that, the guy has to be able to deal with me for a long period of time as a friend. I'm hoping he'll see that and be that friend. I haven't the slightest as to what God has planned, but its hard to let someone go whom you love, and has done nothing wrong to you. He's my best friend. I just feel anguish. For a moment I will think I'm ok, that I'll be fine and this is the right thing, but the next minute passes and I'm holding back tears the best I can out of fear of losing what I've found security and value in, which isn't good but I also don't want to lose someone who loves me like he does. This is always the dilemma, "will I meet someone comparable, or better?" of course. But it won't be him. I suppose it isn't fair to hoard all of the amazing men. I just don't know, I don't know.