(no subject)
Today has been a shitty day. I cried off and on for most of it. My brother decided not to come (which my mother is saying turned out for the better because the highway to get to the airport was closed). He decided not to come because he recently broke up with his girlfriend, who he thought was The One.
I am crushed. I think he has no idea how much he is my foundation. I was holding on because he was going to be here. Now I don't know how I am going to survive tomorrow. If I had known he wasn't going to come, I would have seen about staying with Laura for longer.
When I found out all I wanted to do was restrict. Atleast I recognized the fact that the two were connected. I hate feeling how sad I am feeling, and I wanted to numb myself. Did I? No. But the desire to sure was there.
I also had to urge to cut. Really bad. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin earlier today.
I hate this, it feels like I'm losing my fucking mind.
I am crushed. I think he has no idea how much he is my foundation. I was holding on because he was going to be here. Now I don't know how I am going to survive tomorrow. If I had known he wasn't going to come, I would have seen about staying with Laura for longer.
When I found out all I wanted to do was restrict. Atleast I recognized the fact that the two were connected. I hate feeling how sad I am feeling, and I wanted to numb myself. Did I? No. But the desire to sure was there.
I also had to urge to cut. Really bad. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin earlier today.
I hate this, it feels like I'm losing my fucking mind.