Game Over
I got a call today...and it was just as I was dreading, not the badly dreading call, the sad dreading one. She left a message saying she had been busy, but she was happy there and all was well. Yeah...all is well for her...and im happy for her...damn that hurts. More than I can explain. I dont know why this always happens to me. I mean, I can't be that bad of a person to be around, but why do I scare everybody that tells me they like me off? All I want is somebody that I can love, and truely loves me. I try to be a good person, I know I may not know alot about like things to do and what to talk about...but I try at least. I am curtious and all...what the fuck is wrong with me. It seems the only person that still wants to be with me, is somebody who doesn't really care about me, just herself, and has basically nothing in common with me. If you truely love somebody, you wouldn't do this to them, not if you really care. And crying over sombody isn't a bad thing, it shows that you really do care so much for them and all. But...the two seem to contradict each other for me. I can't do this anymore. I am never going to see her again, I will never get my chance to be with her again, nothing. Its like god is just playing a game with me. I get somebody close to me, and then they are gone in an instant. I fucking give up. Im ending the game, turning it off. Im tired of being sad so much and not being able to find somebody and having to feel like shit all the time. I just can't keep on living life the way I do. This isn't life, this is a fucking joke, and I dont think its funny. I just wish she would decide she wants to be here more. But im sure if she is happy there, that wont happen. Maybe im being selfish, but I think that alot of other people would much more rather she be here than there. I wish she would have thought about how everybody felt about it all. I dont know...maybe im just rambling on. The only thing I am sure of, is that if nothign changes soon, im turning this game off because there is no way I can get through it. I have been trying for way too long. I spent the first, may as well say over 18 years of my life alone, its time I get to be happy too. I had no father, my mom wasn't around. My grandparents helped me so much more than either of my parents. They don't even have as much belief in me as they used to either. So, I just give up. Since the one person that being around such little, I already felt....well, had felt, like I could easily and happily spend the rest of my life with is gone, its over for me. She was everything I am. So much in common and all...and I fucked up, and now she's gone, neverto be seen again by me. As long as she is happy...it still hurts.
-Drache
-Drache