(no subject)
I was sitting here teplaying last night... Replaying the steady mantra "i hate myself" i told myself crying and screaming inside while he told me I'm an emotional roller coaster, which I am... Once again. And I was sitting in the car not wanting to speak, not wanting to look at my beautiful view (like I do everytime I sit in my car about to leave somewhere), when I realized the last time I hummed i hate myself and I'm a terrible person was when I was sick. And I wish I could recall that was said last night in better detail... But It was too much to handle so I guess it still is... Or I would remember. I refuse to take medication anymore...I just need to go back into therapy... That means finding a new T which is never fun, but maybe it will be good... I'll have to explain later when I'm not typing on my phone. I'm just terrible sad... For nothing, I hate to say this but I hate myself today.
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