Word vomit because I own too many diaries.
Ok, so this doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but maybe it does. My brother bought his girlfriend a computer for Christmas (tasteful to say online? Well, I mean, I never see you guys, so...). And he bought her sister like a tea kettle or something? Something home goods-y like that. And IDK, maybe going through the home goods-y aisles set off something where now all I want to do is buy tea kettles and mugs and garden pots and blenders and oils and watering cans. I guess I could do that now, but I like things to match, and I don't want new, pretty things to be in this hovel, haha.
IDK if I've ever mentioned this reoccurring theme in my dreams with celebrities where... I used to call it "friend-zoning myself", but I think this new branching of that term means that one basically performs a certain way expecting sexual congress, but I felt that since I think about sexual congress so much less than others that people thought I was this sexless being (because people are psychic???), to the point that it wasn't something other people thought about, it was just unconsciously chiseled as fact in their brains that they don't even have to think about like them not falling into the sky, and that's why I got to be friends with these people (oftentimes Bo Burnham). AND NONE OF THIS EVER EVEN HAPPENED, THIS IS JUST THE LOGIC IN MY DREAMS.
It's not like I wouldn't want to bone. In fact, I say, "I'd bone," ridiculous amounts. For one, however, like with simple conversation with people, that screen just does not pop up in my head. A person will see another person and be like, "I'm gonna perform this very specific and complicated sex act with that person." And I'm like, "I didn't even know that was an option. I thought I was getting into it when I said, 'I'd bone.' Did you get like a separate 'Specials of the Day' menu or something?"
Haha, I guess that has more to do with experience, but yeah, I'd say like 90% of the time I do not get the overhead button that alerts that there are even options available. Maybe this can be attributed a demisexuality of sorts, but I mean, there are a lot of other factors, and before I can even act on anything, I hav a lo of shit to sort out.
Once again, in totally unrelated news, as if I don't waste enough time on the Internet, for some reason, I signed up for some psychology course free through the library. It doesn't really count for anything, but I thought that maybe I could get some of those answers... that I mentioned in the last post. IDK why, and I instantly almost-regretted it, especially after I went back to actually look at the list of classes and there wer multiple film-y classes.