used and abused
GOD for like that last 1 and 1/2 weeks i have felt off, not right, like i was missing something. i was ansy and wanting to fight. i wanted to be left alone but at the same time just hold on to someone. i felt wrong. i felt like idk just off key. well now i figured out why. i have a mutual friend with a x of mine. i still have feeling for her but
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before you can change other people, you have to change yourself. because in all reality, you can't change people, you can ONLY change yourself. but, in changing yourself, others might change themselves, because they see something different in you. you have to look inside yourself to find out what others see so goddamn useful, you have to see what they see; and figure out how they use you, and not love you. you have to do so.
and, it's not faith, it's not hope, it's not hiding; none of that is going to help you. it's about you not caring what others think, it's about you knowing that others can do a lot of crap to you, it's about you knowing the company you're in, it's about you being yourself despite it. you can't control other people, just you. giving people what they want is only hurting yourself. because then YOU are used, YOU are left with nothing, and they have what THEY want, and they know they can ALWAYS get that. plus, giving them what they want, that's not you being you; that's you being an image of need.
from what I see, and I'm just trying to let you know, I'm NOT giving you what you want, but what you need to know. a lot of people think low of you. but that's not them, that's you, that's what YOU do. normal, ha. there is no normal. in fact, normal, I think, is dumb, and boring. unconventionally beautiful is what is good. not normal. people do recognize you, just not for great things. you have to change that in yourself, and then it can change them. yeah, acting like an ass is a definite bad thing; not a "so I act like an ass", it's not a so-what kind of thing. it's a big deal. and you can't keep going on like that. and making fun of yourself is almost lower than acting like an ass. you don't have to be confident, or comfy with yourself, you just can NOT let the fact that you aren't necessarily happy with yourself show. at school; you're loud, you're obnoxious, you're pushy sometimes, and you're almost embarassing yourself AND the people around you. if you're quiet, easy going, smart; let THAT show. don't be afraid to show who you really are to people, because I know that I'd rather people hate me for me, than like me for what I am not.
if no matter who you are, you're always used and forgotten; then be who you really are, and you'd feel better then.
I don't know what more I can say. because I know that you always try to be right, have the last say, or remind me that you must have it worse than me. I don't know, Tommy. it's not about belief, faith, hope, or anything like that. it's about you being YOU. and just KNOWING that it is enough for yourself, and that maybe people will get the memo that YOU DON'T CARE for them, unless they actually care for you - the real you.
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GOD i need that thank you
i just hope that the real me wont be forgotten because i have built an image where im becoming infamous.
i just want people to love me, and if i have to put on a false front for that to happen then its not really what im looking for.
thank you
so god damn much
haha i have never had it worse then you then anyone i have always lied to me, to my friends, my parents.
mm........... i guess thats why i feel loved on the surface but deep down i know im not.
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it's not what you're looking for at all.
you're very welcome.
I didn't quite understand that last one there..
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