a self-conscious reply..(but not really)xrayzeraseJune 7 2006, 18:48:04 UTC
true ..chosen but for me its "choice" runs deep-and takes a lot to shed...(even if it seems like it all is all about nothing(...(it is not...) ..and sometimes: it is not "all" selfish and self-conscious junk.. but more...a sort of "keeping in check" (but i am trying-bit by bit to stand against letting it rule me) (i know..it is not something to think on..and to just "do"..but..easier said than done...for me, anyway)
despite my "fighting" these words you say--it does feel like a good splash of cold water to my face..(whether or not i "agree" is not the "thing"--but on a further seconds thought: impossible to determine anyway..;))
there is a list of what is actually necessary somewhere...u can look it up and keep it with the checklist of what is actual survival. If you like, you can keep it somewhere in the recesses of mind, then when you feel like "oh my, i'm barley surviving!!" you can check yourself and real eyes you are actually THRIVING as anything beyond actual survival (bleeding out, suffocating, heart or brain stopping) is thriving.
perhaps but -in my mind anyway-thriving can often masquerade as other things- part of uncertainty is questioning..which..as bad (or self-ridden) as it may be at times-and how vocal one is about it along the way.. i don't know.. i hear you but i also heard "silence" as my original "reply" to "life" so..i don't know..(progress?) i guess "it" is a lot like ("is"?) addiction and the seeming "surface stupidity" of it..the "reasons" one gets addicted in the first place -the"reasons"-( in comparison with the gifts of things like "good" health and/or other good fortune) do definitely seem to grow very "pale" i don't know.. personally- i hate worrying what others think of me..but..again: it is an accumulation of stuff that sometimes speaks in self-doubt and sometimes in ..many other things..some positive..some not..but-like with addiction: "change" is never a closed door unless one is dead...
you are communicating with a human be-ing who has suffocated too many times to count, who was been pronounced dead, intibiated, given the paddles, etc. my experience of thrive and survive is not only poetry, it's real life experience.
it's not my place to tell you how to feel, think, or be so if it came across like that please pardon my presumption.
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..chosen
but for me its "choice" runs deep-and takes a lot to shed...(even if it seems like it all is all about nothing(...(it is not...)
..and sometimes:
it is not "all" selfish and self-conscious junk..
but more...a sort of "keeping in check"
(but i am trying-bit by bit to stand against letting it rule me)
(i know..it is not something to think on..and to just "do"..but..easier said than done...for me, anyway)
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but -in my mind anyway-thriving can often masquerade as other things-
part of uncertainty is questioning..which..as bad (or self-ridden) as it may be at times-and how vocal one is about it along the way..
i don't know..
i hear you
but i also heard "silence" as my original "reply" to "life" so..i don't know..(progress?)
i guess "it" is a lot like ("is"?) addiction and the seeming "surface stupidity" of it..the "reasons" one gets addicted in the first place -the"reasons"-( in comparison with the gifts of things like "good" health and/or other good fortune) do definitely seem to grow very "pale"
i don't know..
personally-
i hate worrying what others think of me..but..again: it is an accumulation of stuff that sometimes speaks in self-doubt and sometimes in ..many other things..some positive..some not..but-like with addiction: "change" is never a closed door unless one is dead...
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(haha)
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my experience of thrive and survive is not only poetry, it's real life experience.
it's not my place to tell you how to feel, think, or be so if it came across like that please pardon my presumption.
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it is why i consider you a friend
(not because of your past experiences--but that i feel you listen as well as speak)
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