major life sucking
my god. could things get any worse? really?
no job.... check.
no money..... check.
nothing for Christmas.......check.
family member dying......check.
lonely depressed Lexi spending her days alone with her raging thoughts......check.
arg. thank you oh benevolent one. and i had thought it couldnt get any worse.
obviously i was wrong.
and the worst part is, i cant bring myself to go and be there with them. i should, but i cant. i would rather remember him alive and well, than watching it slowly happen. i know that years, maybe even months from now, i am going to regret it, but maybe im selfish or a coward, but i just cant be there.
i really wish i had some happy pills. cuz when the baby is asleep, i am so lost in all the bad things - its hard to see the world still has good.
no job.... check.
no money..... check.
nothing for Christmas.......check.
family member dying......check.
lonely depressed Lexi spending her days alone with her raging thoughts......check.
arg. thank you oh benevolent one. and i had thought it couldnt get any worse.
obviously i was wrong.
and the worst part is, i cant bring myself to go and be there with them. i should, but i cant. i would rather remember him alive and well, than watching it slowly happen. i know that years, maybe even months from now, i am going to regret it, but maybe im selfish or a coward, but i just cant be there.
i really wish i had some happy pills. cuz when the baby is asleep, i am so lost in all the bad things - its hard to see the world still has good.