(no subject)
i think im having one of those boughts of depression, or just a little anxiety. i wouldnt quite call it depression, because i am aware that in about thirty minutes it will go away.
i dont know what im so worked up over. the only bad thing in my life right now is that im broke and its time for me to face the facts that i need a real job. now im the dickfer.
everything else is great. too great in fact. im having a hard time deciding what i want. ive got the two still in love with me, the one who im SURE will be falling head over heals soon--- because thats what happens (and ive confirmed with my mother, that this runs in the family, and then nikki got mad..... :) ]
i need to make up my mind, because as fun as it is to play this game, its not a game and people are getting their feelings involved (mine too) and its really stressful to balance and juggle.
i mean, its bob and john, but now jays all "i miss you, you know i love you, dont you want to be a family" and thats not fair. dont throw the family mess at me. of course its what i want, but overall i would rather have a happy marriage and a stable life than be unhappy with jay and not feel guilty for taking ari's daddy away.
i keep saying things will work out in the end, but what if my end just keeps moving father and farther away and by the time i decide waht i want, il be old and ugly and not charming anymore and no one will want me and ill be a dried up alone spinster begging my daughter to take me out with her on saturday night because my cankles are getting swollen from all the sitting i will be doing.
arg! why wasnt i born a princess or an heiress or at least smart and ambitious?
** and as a p.s. i must say i dont know what the f i am doing with john. hes a HUGE nerd, johovahs witness (or ex, im not sure), and he has absolutly no ambition. and this isnt much for a 23 year old part time dj- full time grocery store worker. like, my brain understands, but the rest of me doesnt want to listen. i feel so unlike myself. i do not like being the persuer, i dont like that hes so pissed about his ex, and i really dont like that we have so much fun together because it makes all the other bad stuff less realistic in my head. :(
summer. thoughts? youre smart and like, worldly and shit.
i dont know what im so worked up over. the only bad thing in my life right now is that im broke and its time for me to face the facts that i need a real job. now im the dickfer.
everything else is great. too great in fact. im having a hard time deciding what i want. ive got the two still in love with me, the one who im SURE will be falling head over heals soon--- because thats what happens (and ive confirmed with my mother, that this runs in the family, and then nikki got mad..... :) ]
i need to make up my mind, because as fun as it is to play this game, its not a game and people are getting their feelings involved (mine too) and its really stressful to balance and juggle.
i mean, its bob and john, but now jays all "i miss you, you know i love you, dont you want to be a family" and thats not fair. dont throw the family mess at me. of course its what i want, but overall i would rather have a happy marriage and a stable life than be unhappy with jay and not feel guilty for taking ari's daddy away.
i keep saying things will work out in the end, but what if my end just keeps moving father and farther away and by the time i decide waht i want, il be old and ugly and not charming anymore and no one will want me and ill be a dried up alone spinster begging my daughter to take me out with her on saturday night because my cankles are getting swollen from all the sitting i will be doing.
arg! why wasnt i born a princess or an heiress or at least smart and ambitious?
** and as a p.s. i must say i dont know what the f i am doing with john. hes a HUGE nerd, johovahs witness (or ex, im not sure), and he has absolutly no ambition. and this isnt much for a 23 year old part time dj- full time grocery store worker. like, my brain understands, but the rest of me doesnt want to listen. i feel so unlike myself. i do not like being the persuer, i dont like that hes so pissed about his ex, and i really dont like that we have so much fun together because it makes all the other bad stuff less realistic in my head. :(
summer. thoughts? youre smart and like, worldly and shit.