How "nice" do we want our "nice guys"?
Do nice guys really NOT exist, or do we just not want them?
"I just want a nice guy." I can't TELL you how many times I've heard THAT line. I'm sure there's not a girl on this earth who hasn't said that statement at least once in their lives, some probably more than once. Yes, even I'VE said it. But do we really MEAN it? Do all women really just want a "nice guy"? And, if we do, what qualifies as a "nice guy"? A guy who's chivalrous? A guy who pays for everything? A guy who's always oh-so-available for conversation and affection? Think about it. Are those the kind of guys we usually choose to go after? Nope.
I had a "nice guy" once. He listened attentively, remembered things that I said, owned his own house, payed off his own car, always kept his hands to himself and even sent me flowers with a thoughtful note. Guess what? I had absolutely NO attraction toward him. Why was this? He was everything I had previously said I wanted in a man, but I felt nothing. What was my problem with him? I wanted him to be less "nice." I wanted him to do something edgy, something adventurous. I wanted him to take the initiative and actually KISS me after a date. Never happened.
Instead of saying we want a "nice guy" or that nice guys don't exist, we should just face the truth. There is such a thing as "too nice" and most "nice guys" fall into that category. Nice guys DO exist, but they exist only because most girls don't want them.
Instead of saying we want a "nice guy," I think we should actually DEFINE our version of "nice." Know why? Because if we don't, we'll end up with an asshole. And, really, we already have one asshole . . . why would we want another?
For example, after my "nice guy" debacle, I ran straight to the typical "bad boy." He didn't really keep his promises, he was often distant and aloof, he didn't usually want to have deep conversations, and he was adventurous all right . . . adventurous to the point of annoyance and law-breaking. Why did I go straight from one extreme to another?
Personally, I think that it's because I am very competitive, as are most women. I always used to want to feel like I could "conquer" the guy I was with. Sure, I was comfortable feeling like the nicest girl on the block, until some guy out-niced me. Then, I wanted to bring out my internal "bad" side, hoping that the poor guy would catch on. 'Cause, heaven FORBID a guy have the nerve to be NICER than I am.
I finally realized that I would be happier if I found someone who was on the same LEVEL with me. Face it, I tend to lash out when they're better or worse. If they're an "asshole," I try to make them nicer. If they're TOO nice, I try to give them an edge. So, why do I (as do most people) date such extremes? That's not what we REALLY want.
I don't think "nice guys" finish last, nor do I think "bad boys" finish first. I think that eventually we realize that what we REALLY need is someone on the same page as we are. Then, what we find ourselves in is a "mutual relationship," no "bad boys" or "nice guys" allowed. ;)
"I just want a nice guy." I can't TELL you how many times I've heard THAT line. I'm sure there's not a girl on this earth who hasn't said that statement at least once in their lives, some probably more than once. Yes, even I'VE said it. But do we really MEAN it? Do all women really just want a "nice guy"? And, if we do, what qualifies as a "nice guy"? A guy who's chivalrous? A guy who pays for everything? A guy who's always oh-so-available for conversation and affection? Think about it. Are those the kind of guys we usually choose to go after? Nope.
I had a "nice guy" once. He listened attentively, remembered things that I said, owned his own house, payed off his own car, always kept his hands to himself and even sent me flowers with a thoughtful note. Guess what? I had absolutely NO attraction toward him. Why was this? He was everything I had previously said I wanted in a man, but I felt nothing. What was my problem with him? I wanted him to be less "nice." I wanted him to do something edgy, something adventurous. I wanted him to take the initiative and actually KISS me after a date. Never happened.
Instead of saying we want a "nice guy" or that nice guys don't exist, we should just face the truth. There is such a thing as "too nice" and most "nice guys" fall into that category. Nice guys DO exist, but they exist only because most girls don't want them.
Instead of saying we want a "nice guy," I think we should actually DEFINE our version of "nice." Know why? Because if we don't, we'll end up with an asshole. And, really, we already have one asshole . . . why would we want another?
For example, after my "nice guy" debacle, I ran straight to the typical "bad boy." He didn't really keep his promises, he was often distant and aloof, he didn't usually want to have deep conversations, and he was adventurous all right . . . adventurous to the point of annoyance and law-breaking. Why did I go straight from one extreme to another?
Personally, I think that it's because I am very competitive, as are most women. I always used to want to feel like I could "conquer" the guy I was with. Sure, I was comfortable feeling like the nicest girl on the block, until some guy out-niced me. Then, I wanted to bring out my internal "bad" side, hoping that the poor guy would catch on. 'Cause, heaven FORBID a guy have the nerve to be NICER than I am.
I finally realized that I would be happier if I found someone who was on the same LEVEL with me. Face it, I tend to lash out when they're better or worse. If they're an "asshole," I try to make them nicer. If they're TOO nice, I try to give them an edge. So, why do I (as do most people) date such extremes? That's not what we REALLY want.
I don't think "nice guys" finish last, nor do I think "bad boys" finish first. I think that eventually we realize that what we REALLY need is someone on the same page as we are. Then, what we find ourselves in is a "mutual relationship," no "bad boys" or "nice guys" allowed. ;)