i am sure no one reads this
i wanna know what it is that makes me wanna fuck things. whatever it is inside me, and kill it. and to all you people that showed me better than i ever knew, go try fucking your own ass, your making things too difficult for me to cope with. its like getting shot up with morphine by someone, and then they just stop and you have this weird unexplainable horrible emotion that manifests as pain and exaustion and pretty soon food loses all its flavor and things that used to feel good dont and theres no escape you can think of, nothing you can do to get rid of the dull anger of not getting what you want. its like your whole life your standing on a bus and some old perverted weezing fat man is groping and massaging your ass and you cant tell him to stop. you feel disgusted and homicidal. and i know i feel like this because the people that make me feel like this do it because it makes me feel bad. and it makes me want to be alone. comfortably, fucking peacefully for once, worry fucking free for once in 5 long years, because i owe these people nothing. i dont have a reason to let them make me feel miserable. really, and im quoting some popular song im sure i just dont know which one, the lyrics are just stuck in my head. the secret to a good life is knowing when youve had enough.... but, really, theres no escape. id like to think thats the solution but there isnt a solution. im stuck. i dont wanna stay but i cant go.