at this point, i'm not sure if it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...

[xpinupstarsx]

so i called my ex-boyfriend tonight on a whim...haven't heard from him since i discovered first hand that he had been cheating on me(about 2.5 months ago). i have never loved anyone so much in my life, and it's hard for me to even think about loving another guy like that ever again. for those of you who don't know the complete story about brian and i, if you really want to know, ask me and i will fill you in(sometimes hearing about other people's tragedies can give someone else hope for their own situations). anyway, i called him up and what do i hear on the other end? not brian's voice...a girl's. it totally caught me off guard and after a quick pause i asked if brian was there. she said he was "busy" and couldn't talk. then she asked if she could take a message...as soon as i heard her voice on the other end of the line, it became obvious to me that nothing i said was going to matter to him anyway. so i told her my name, said thanks, and hung up. then i ran into my friend's driveway and started having a panic attack and hyperventilating. then hyperventilation brought on throwing up, and after throwing up all i could do was cry until i could not cry anymore.

i can literally feel the shards from my shattered heart protruding out of my chest...

all i am left with now is the wonderment that this jerk has left me, the wonderment of how the hell anyone can do this to a person, have no conscious whatsoever, and have no comprehension of what it means to take responsibility for one's own actions.

wonderment and sleepless nights.

i hope you choke on her poisoned lips and die.