cara inspired me
so im back in new orleans, and as per usual with me and moving i feel totally lonely and fucking freaked out. i hate that aspect of myself, it doesn't really matter where im going or what, but its just sort of inevitable that i get to my destination and there's a fucking giant gaping ache in the pit of my stomach. so im sitting here on a saturday night trying not to let the ache eat me alive...
in some ways its really good to be back here, the people are great, and this city is just so strange and fucked up and surreal, its really easy to forget how fucked up it is even just leaving for a little while, hell you can forget how fucked up it is even when you're here, if you go to the right neighborhoods. im staying in a much nicer space this time around, but it doesn't really feel that good right now. mostly because its a smaller space, that doubles as the office where i will be working and everyone sort of has their space here. even if that just means the space where they sleep and keep their stuff, im sort of sleeping out in the middle of the hallway tonight (its not really that pathetic, but its definetly not in a room with a door, or a space with a barrier to other folks...also as i type this im realizing that everyone here is pretty much a couple, even if there not a-we're in love, or dating, or doing it couple. everyone seems to have someone that they tag along with, are super close with or whatever. and i suppose that, that will hopefully happen for me too, after all i just got back today, and need some time to readjust, but in this moment when im just feeling really sad things like that just sort of make it worse.
on a brighter, and more confusing note, being back in albany was great. i had nonstop fun times, which i feel like always happens when i decide to leave albany, albany kicks it into high gear and is like look at all the fun you can have here. albany, fucking with my head! but seriously it was so nice to be home, and making out, and seeing everyone and being crazy crazy crazy. im not sure when the last time i sat quietly or tried to be introspective was, but its definetly been awhile. its sort of a self preservation thing at this point, meaning i might just completely loose my shit if i really stop and allow myself to think. hi, can i be dramatic?
anyway the point is, im feeling really sad and lonely, i know very much that it will get easier and i will probably feel 100 times better when i wake up in the morning, but sometimes i think it would just be easier if was married with cats in the suburbs...
even though we all know thats not true, i probably just need to go to bed...
in some ways its really good to be back here, the people are great, and this city is just so strange and fucked up and surreal, its really easy to forget how fucked up it is even just leaving for a little while, hell you can forget how fucked up it is even when you're here, if you go to the right neighborhoods. im staying in a much nicer space this time around, but it doesn't really feel that good right now. mostly because its a smaller space, that doubles as the office where i will be working and everyone sort of has their space here. even if that just means the space where they sleep and keep their stuff, im sort of sleeping out in the middle of the hallway tonight (its not really that pathetic, but its definetly not in a room with a door, or a space with a barrier to other folks...also as i type this im realizing that everyone here is pretty much a couple, even if there not a-we're in love, or dating, or doing it couple. everyone seems to have someone that they tag along with, are super close with or whatever. and i suppose that, that will hopefully happen for me too, after all i just got back today, and need some time to readjust, but in this moment when im just feeling really sad things like that just sort of make it worse.
on a brighter, and more confusing note, being back in albany was great. i had nonstop fun times, which i feel like always happens when i decide to leave albany, albany kicks it into high gear and is like look at all the fun you can have here. albany, fucking with my head! but seriously it was so nice to be home, and making out, and seeing everyone and being crazy crazy crazy. im not sure when the last time i sat quietly or tried to be introspective was, but its definetly been awhile. its sort of a self preservation thing at this point, meaning i might just completely loose my shit if i really stop and allow myself to think. hi, can i be dramatic?
anyway the point is, im feeling really sad and lonely, i know very much that it will get easier and i will probably feel 100 times better when i wake up in the morning, but sometimes i think it would just be easier if was married with cats in the suburbs...
even though we all know thats not true, i probably just need to go to bed...